So I fucked up guys, part of me knew it would happen once I got internet at my place, that evil little voice in my head was going "it wouldn't hurt if we just watched a little porno once we get internet" and I listened to that voice, I listened to it god damn it. What the hell man, I'm not going to be too hard on myself because sometimes we give in to temptation in moments of weakness, and I know I'm no different. But it was hard. I was on a hell of a streak, but in the last couple of weeks I have been PMO-ing like a motherfucker. Not ever day, but once every couple of days, every second or third day or so. Right now marks five days of recovery, so I'm back on the horse and don't feel all too many urges. I took to praying, something I haven't done in any seriousness since my teen years. I was raised fairly religious Catholic and I've had the rosary branded into my brain since childhood. It's a funny thing prayer. I found that even though intellectually I have many doubts as to the validity of religion and struggle believing that there is some sort of God out there, when I pray I still get those feelings of comfort and strength that I had when I was younger and a staunch believer. It's a funny thing. For the past five days I've been spending every night in a lotus position on my couch, praying the rosary then spending about a half an hour to an hour just feeling the presence of the divine in every breath. It has really helped me. You don't have to pray the rosary to get this effect. But it you were raised in any religious sense and learned prayers or incantations of any kind of any faith, doesn't matter. You get that effect of the comfort and strength you once had by returning to that practice. If you're non religious. Learn a prayer or two or a mantra, make up your own if you like. Whatever is sacred to you, own that and try it out. The sitting in the divine presence after the prayers are done has had the most profound effect on me. If you don't believe in a higher power, just feel the presence of your higher aspirations, your higher self, your future self-realized you calling back from the future to aid you in your present times of worry and stress. Whatever metaphysical or otherwise type of thinking you need. Get your self into that sacred head space. I've been researching and reading on the Indian/Hindu practice of Brahmacharya, the holding in of the seed. And their description of the practice is very enticing to me. The idea that you can retain your seed even while in a relationship, that the practice works for basically anyone. The sin is not, in my childhood tradition, breaking the bonds of celibacy before marriage, but simply in the evacuation of the material from your good ole scrotum. That is a more scientific, if you can call it that, line to draw in the sand. The sacred life juice is for reproduction alone. So unless you plan on making another version of yourself that's lying cooing and crying in a crib, don't let the seed out. That's my new view on life. Semen retention lifestyle all the way homies. Well, that's enough rambling for me, all the best on your journeys as I attempt to rebuild mine. Thanks for all the views and replies, and I'll try to get back to you all when I can. Peace, Stinkerdinker25
Keep going man. Continue to focus on the life you want and the person you want to be. I really identify with you first post when you talked about being bullied. I would also live in fantasy land and pretend like I was silver-tongued and could knock down my enemies in debates and pick-up any girl but reality was quite the opposite story. Good to have you on here.
