From delayed ejaculation to SUCCESS! (hopefully =)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Rathi, Apr 25, 2012.

  1. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    I've been reading this forum for a while now and I decided to open a Journal. People say it helps to read my own journal when I'm having serious cravings, so I hope to help myself as well as others with this. For anyone who might read this, let me excuse my bad english, it's not my mother tonge..

    I'm 25yo, started masturbating at 12 and have been very "passionate" about it since... I think I started watching porn at 14 or 15 and I haven't stopped. I started with regular XXX and then turned to more extreme stuff. I remember I noticed that regular porn wasn't doing it for me anymore when I was 18, suddenly I couldn't orgasm to pictures or regular M/F scenes anymore and needed sicker stuff to get off.

    Now I have delayed ejaculation, I can only come when I use my hand (death grip), and I never get a full erection having sex or getting oral. I also have performance anxiety: I can get a decent erection (like 80%) with my gf, but when I had tried with other women the boners are lower than 50%, sometimes I can't even penetrate.

    Last month, without knowing about this site or YBOP, I did 11 days without PMO, not because I was trying to reboot but because I was on a trip and I had to share room and absolutely ALL THE TIME with a friend, so there wasn't time to masturbate... The first 5 days I didn't even noticed that I wasn't masturbating, but when it hit me I got really bad cravings... I didn't had my computer around so I couldn't checkout porn... Finally I checked softcore porn from my phone and by the last 2 days I was desperate to get home.
    I remember the flight to my country, a 16h flight, I was having erections to this girl that was sitting next to me but all the things I could think of were porn fantasies where she was the co-star haha.. When I finally got home I was really tired, almost 24h without sleeping, and I couldn't get to sleep, I turned my computer on and masturbated to porn twice! then I slept a little bit and when I woke up with a boner, I kept with the masturbation! I was going off like crazy! that day I think I wanked off like 6 times... the exact same way another addiction's binge would be..

    Well, I'm now in the 8th day of my reboot... 8 days ago I found YBOP and it described so closely my situation I got really scared and decided to put an end to this! On day 2 I deleted all my porn stash from my computer and by now I am not having huge cravings, just minor ones but I'm a little bit scared that the withdrawal syndrome will hit hard soon.. Either way, I'm convinced I can do this! no more PMO for me!
     
  2. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    I forgot to log an important day on these 8 days of my reboot.. so here it is:

    Day 5:
    I had sex with my gf, we hadn't seen each other for weeks, so it was hard not to do it. the really sad part is that I ended up masturbating after sex :( so I'm really 8days without P, 3 days without MO.

    I read in another account from a guy with delayed ejaculation that sex was actually good for him.. helps retrain the brain to the real thing and getting sensibility back, but next time I have sex I will have to fight so hard the urges to masturbate..

    anyway, chalking that up and continuing!
     
  3. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 9:

    Today was a good one.. no cravings, I'm now getting home and I'm absolutely tired! so masturbation is one of the latest things in my mind. I didn't have random boners but did wake up with some morning wood, though it was like 60% hard and vanished in less than a minute after I got out of bed... Only one bad thing: I didn't have time to work out, I don't know if I'm feeling less energetic or the day was just too demanding...
     
  4. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 10:

    I had the toughest day of my rebooting so far. I'm now alone in my house, completely alone all the time, and I will be alone for at least 1 more week.. It was incredibly hard to fight the urges to masturbate although I never had an erection during the day, so I know it was all addiction and none horniness.

    I work from home, so normally I just stay in my living room where there's always someone and that makes me avoid feeling like masturbating, but right now I can't help it, and also couldn't concentrate into working all day because all I was thinking of was PMOing and fighting the urges.

    I calmed down a little bit after working out though, but I had little to no energy.

    I'm not really sure what I'm going to do tomorrow, but I won't let this beat me.
     
  5. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Keep fighting it, Rathi. Get out of the house as much as possible. Give your brain some stimulation, so it doesn't get preoccupied with PMO stimulation.

    Staying home fighting urges will probably be far more tiring than going for a walk.
     
  6. th3f00l

    th3f00l New Member

    I've been feeling pretty good about myself (day 5). Then, I realized I haven't been home alone. I know you can make it. If you feel like acting out you might call someone. We have a phone list in my SAA group for situations like that. Please share what you do to control it, because I will need some tools for my toolbox as well.
     
  7. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Hey guys! thanks for your support!! I will go out tonight to clear my mind, that won't be difficult.. the thing is that I can't really go out all days since I'm very late with my work. I never figured out how much I depended on masturbation as part of my daily routine, now that I'm stopping PMO it's really hard to concentrate on other tasks, as if I should masturbate first before trying to do anything else.

    th3f00l, right now the only thing I've been doing to keep my mind out of it is playing guitar, but that's not working very well since I keep thinking about it.. when I come up with a better solution/strategy I'll share it!
     
  8. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    I had some good days since my last update, so here's the sum up..

    Day 11:

    I saw my gf and, after a few drinks, we had sex.. I couldn't orgasm while we were doing it but definitely I was having more fun! I was able to feel some stuff I've never felt before and I was using a condom!, after we finished she gave me a mix of oral/handjob and I reached orgasm!! first time after many many years.. So the really good part is: obviously that I reached O, but also that I could get an erection after drinking, which is not a regular thing. The bad part: I'm pretty sure I was NEVER going to be able to come when we were having sex, though I felt some new stuff, it wasn't that exciting.

    Day 12:

    Still with my gf who stayed over for the weekend, we had sex again and I orgasmd again, but this time it was more handjob than blowjob, which I think is bad. the blowjob didn't have the same effect as the day before.

    Day 13:

    We tried one more time, and this time I couldn't come =(... So now I know I can't be forcing this.

    Day 14:

    Now I'm alone at my house again, but today I'm not feeling PMO urges at all, I'm pretty much relaxed and I'm being able to concentrate on my work, although not as much as I'd want to.
     
  9. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 15:

    I finally feel my libido going down. This was my last day completely alone at my house, but I think it didn't matter, I'm not feeling urges for masturbating that much.. I still think about it some times but it's getting easier to just let it pass...

    Yesterday I thought of something interesting: the longest abstinece period I had before my rebooting was the 11 days I talked about in this journal's first post. As I already said, after those 11 days my addiction was driving me CRAZY! I couldn't fight my urges and I was desparate to get home and release it all. Last week I remembered that and thought my withdrawal was going to be something like that, I was scared. But now I'm 16 days in my reboot and I haven't experience the same stuff. Having an understanding of the problem and the reasons why I should stop PMOing is a HUGE help. No wonder why everytime I tried to stop masturbation before I knew of ybop failed miserably.
     
  10. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 16:

    Today I had my first strong morning wood since I started the rebooting. I normally do have morning woods but they are very weak and they fade seconds after I gain total consciousness. Todays' morning wood was nothing like that, it was really strong and it last several minutes to fade away. In the middle of the night I also had an erotic dream (that didn't get wet), it was pretty sick and porno-ish, extreme porno-ish... my subconscious tricked me =(, I woke up immediatly though with an erection... It wasn't that hard to fall asleep again but I felt bad about it.

    They day was, overall, good... I didn't have urges or fantasies and I focused on the present all the time.
     
  11. conqueringed

    conqueringed New Member

    i also have delasyed ejaculation hoope this reboot will fix this problem
     
  12. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 18:

    I did something today I'm not proud of. In a sport site I regularly visit there was this headline that said something like this: "finally the kate upton's photos you were waiting for...", just another set of photos, the girl wasn't even naked but I clicked into it anyway. I know that's not much of a relapse but I watch the 4 photos in the article, closed it immediately and felt pretty bad. I got this rush and excitement from having that article opened, it was like being an alcoholic and opening a bottle just to smell it. not good at all!

    the rest of the day was ok. I'm not having urges all the time but from time to time a porno image gets in my head and it's pretty annoying. I hope this improves over time as well.
     
  13. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 19:

    addicted me is addicted... last night I dreamt I was on the internet and I found naked photos of a (very fucking hot) girl I know in facebook (and in real life), I didn't dream I was with her in any sexual way, or any way what so ever, I just dreamt I found photos!! and I was so exited about it... well.. those images are still poping in my head and usually I don't remember my dreams, it's really annoying, fucking subconsciousness.

    beside that, today was pretty much as any other day: relatively good with fewer urges.
     
  14. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

    Day 20:

    Bad day: I spent it all in my room, lots of cravings. For the first time in my rebooting my brain started to rationalize with me, I almost masturbated.

    Today I read journals here in this forum (trying to keep my mind off cravings) and I have to say I'm a little bit dissapointed, everyone says flatlining its a common step in the recovery, but I'm faaaar from it. I'm having sex almost once every 2 weeks, I'm not sure if that's affecting me somehow, but today, everytime I watched hot girls in tv (at least 1 every hour) I felt cravings, they didn't even have to be that hot..

    Well, tomorrow is a new day and at least I'm going to spend it out of my house.
     

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