Fresh start again ...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by positivef, Jul 11, 2020.

  1. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting that link. I’ve been slowly reducing time spent surfing random stuff. It mainly consists of checking sports, random news items, twitter, wikipedia, move stuff etc. However, I think it would be good to reduce it further, so maybe I’ll try setting a structure time limit on it each day. Or maybe I should just try a dopamine fast to see how it feels. I’ve done a couple of 10-day silent meditation retreats in the past, and that was an interesting experience. So I should try a dopamine fast just as an experiment.
     
    Rebootian likes this.
  2. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Struggling a little bit this morning. Not killing sexualising thoughts quite as quickly as I should. Struggling to put the pieces of my broken life together, the desire to start is completing against the 'easy' path of masturbating with the fake promise to work on stuff later. But I have to exercise my focus and starting on starting. I imagine I am homeless at a fire gathering wondering if I can piece things together, or if I will continue downward for the rest of my life.

    Clovis's entry hit me hard
    I struggle to focus on one thing and end up never going deeply into anything.
     
  3. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Do you have any goals in life? e.g. start a new relationship, work on a new business idea, achieve emotional mastery? Has to be something you can get excited about, to give yourself a sense of purpose. Without that, you may find yourself drifting and finding ways to fill the time.
     
    positivef likes this.
  4. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    I have (too) many interests so the first goal it to whittle and sort them down into a goal/s - a sort of pre-goal goal is to be able to plan my time much better. At the moment, even though I have a lot of free time I end up doing things chaotically. Rushing somethings because the deadline is too near and leaving other ideas and projects abandoned.
    I feel like I need to be able to plan my time in a way that is realistic way before other plans can come to fruition. I spent several years doing a distance course. But during this I ended up rushing many aspects - which left the feeling that I could have done better. It also led to some opportunities being missed.
     
  5. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    hey @positivef congrats on 27 days! Wishing you success my friend!!
     
    positivef likes this.
  6. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    @catchingup thanks for the encouragement. I've been doing hard mode for 29 days now, and it hasn't been much harder for me than abstaining from porn. I'm surprised but I've also combined it with being careful about my thoughts and not fantasizing. I notice have a bad habit of putting my hand near my groin, so I'm being mindful of that. The trickiest part is not thinking about old or new acquaintances in a sexual way.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2020
    catchingup likes this.
  7. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Good luck man! Stay strong! I am sure you already did that, but reading good success stories help me holding on. There are good ones on this site (Altruism247, Axiomatic).

    Take care man!
     
    positivef likes this.
  8. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragement and tip. Yes it would be good to read success stories, especially when it feels like I'm at the bottom of mountain.
     
  9. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

  10. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    @positivef congratulations on 30 days!!! I hope you celebrate!! Have a wonderful day!
     
  11. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thanks, I'm feel kind of angry and anxious. Just plowing through it. I'll be going for a run later - so that's something to look forward too. I've not been doing enough exercise, though I have slightly increased my project productivity.
     
  12. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I often find that I do things in a chaotic / unstructured manner. But knowing how to use our time effectively is one of the most important skills we can have. Guess we need to build the habit of focusing on the stuff that matters most and doing it consistently.
     
  13. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thanks I needed to hear that now. I've bad a night of web surfing without proper focus; messing about on Reddit and Wikipedia. A redeeming factor is that even though I thought 'fuck it lets just look at some porn' I was able to reject it as a bad idea. Usually this would be relapse territory for me - feeling tired and annoyed at self. I still feel tired and it's a bad start to the day, but nothing compared to the dead inside feeling after a porn session.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  14. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    @positivef hey! I'm sorry you're feeling the way you feel! I hope you can find some healthier ways to channel any difficult emotions you may be experiencing rather than relapsing! There's a lot of emotions that come with this stuff, be gentle with yourself and treat yourself well, you need it!! :):)
     
    realness and positivef like this.
  15. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Today has been shit for self discipline and motivation. I started back at work on Wednesday, so I thought I'd chill a little bit this morning after work. I knew that porn is shit and only felt mildly tempted. I ended up just eating a load of junk food and surfing random crap. Then I tired to read a little but ended dozing off. When I woke up I felt crappy and wondering what the point is.

    I feel a little better now, but my plans have kind of been shot.
     
  16. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Good job that you only felt mildly tempted. The temptations should keep easing off over time, that’s been my experience.

    To help both the reboot and also feeling better in general, it’s good to try and do/eat stuff that will make us feel better. I’ve been working on my diet, trying to eat as clean as possible, drinking way less etc. The reboot is going to make us feel crap at times, so anything natural we can do to help ease that is worth trying.
     
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  17. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thanks, I'll have to be ready for the occasions when the impulse will be stronger - I know that will come, probably linked to depression.

    Yes I need to do and eat well. Going for a jog shortly. Need these things to become part of the routine - instead of a big effort every time - whether that's the struggle in fit them in or to actually go and do.
     
    catchingup likes this.
  18. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    I too have shitty days. And shitty moments. Be good to yourself my friend, you need lots of self-care now more than ever as we're no longer getting the dopamine from porn.
     
    positivef likes this.
  19. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Good point.
     
  20. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thanks, you make a lot of sense. It's not just the dopamine from porn but also the drip feed of sexualizing women. Just hoping I can rewire and see some healing of the dopamine system, either way I'm not going back.
     
    catchingup likes this.

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