Free from Suffering

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Professor Chaos, Nov 11, 2012.

  1. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 1

    So after 101 days, back to day one. Today suffering from quite a bit of brain fog. Tired as well, more so than usual it feels more like depression tiredness. Mind tiredness. Trying to stay away from the computer, so will just post this and move on.

    PC.
     
  2. Malcc

    Malcc Guest

    Totally agree with this, you're doing incredibly well, one relapse isn't going to spoil what you're achieving.
     
  3. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 3

    Exhausting day teaching, but I feel really good. Rewarded for working hard. Also I really noticed how much meditation helped me deal with the stresses and strains of going back to work. Going to head out tonight and get my sketch on. Looking forward to it.
     
  4. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 5.

    Reset. :(
     
  5. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Reset.

    Downward spiral. :'(

    I should delete this blog, I'm sure it makes depressing reading for anyone trying to recover.

    PC.
     
  6. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Never give up! You did absolutely amazing job by achieving 101 days of P free life! You are now just stuck in that cycle very familiar to most of the rebooters in here: after a long or even small run of clean days it will be quite hard to get back in the train when stumbled. First week or two are the worst, try just be extra careful, monitoring all your thoughts and deeds. Put blockers on your computer, do some extra exercise, watch motivational videos. Find back your fighting spirit! I am absolutely sure that you can make that happen very soon and be back in good numbers! :)
     
    SeekingWisdom likes this.
  7. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Thanks Titan_transcendence,

    I needed to hear that. Much appreciated. :)

    PC.
     
  8. Zazaka

    Zazaka New Member

    Hey Professor -

    Sorry that you're in a valley right now rather than a peak, but it happens.
    Just remember that all the efforts you've made and growth you've experienced so far are yours. They don't go away because you have a reset.
    SO get up, brush the dust off, and get back to your goals and living your life the best you can, the way you know you can.
    Get back on the horse, man!
    You can do it!
     
  9. Don't delete the blog man. Keep the faith. I still believe that the 101 days haven't been completely undone. I'm sorry its going that way for you but its not the end. Try M without P. I was a little ashamed that its what I've recently resorted to but it made life a lot easier in stressful times.
     
  10. Shampal

    Shampal Member

    PC, you have done great for staying 101 days. you are building this up again. The changes you have made and things you have learned won't go away that easy. The counter is only a number. Don't let it discourage you in anyway. The change is within you not in the counter. Adress what made you relapse. After 100 days we may find some issues coming from within which may need our attention. live it day by day. That is what I am doing.
     
  11. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Professor Chaos: Your blog is not depressing, but encouraging for a fellar who has been gone way too long himself. Hoping to be falling upwards.
     
  12. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 8.

    Hi everyone.

    Thank you all for the kind words and support. I'm 8 days in again. Feeling stronger and happier, urges still kicking now and then. In other news I've started dating someone. She stayed over the other night and things were, well, rather spectacular. I don't think I realized how much taking this extended break from P would result in me being so present.

    Usual hurdles of being with someone new, but after we got used to each other, there definitely were some fireworks. Nothing like the real thing. Will keep you all updated, but having a regular sexual partner is something I've been looking for, for a while. Getting sex was never really a problem, but being with someone that I liked and that liked me in return seemed to always be an uphill battle.

    Early days yet, but definitely worth the wait and the support from the amazing people on this forum. Thanks to you all and I wish you the best.

    PC.
     
  13. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 13

    My days are a bit up and down at the moment. Spending time with new partner is really amazing. Sex is great and feeling very fully present. My emotional state is in a bit of an upheaval right now. I think I always find week 2 to be the most bumpy when getting over this. Extreme negative head chatter and feelings of worthlessness. I just gotta tell myself that these will pass. :)

    PC.
     
  14. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 17.

    Still going strong. Some brain fog and negative feedback loops, but I'm getting used to what they sounds like and how to counter them.

    Having brunch with my girl tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

    PC.
     
  15. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Day 43

    I have been away from the forums for some time. The further I got along the path the further away I feel P is as part of my life. My relationship with my new girlfriend is going really well. Since giving up P I've found that my sex life and drive has drastically improved. I 'O' almost regularly during sex and they are really powerful. That's something that has never happened with any of my previous partners.

    Sex feels really intermit and special. I never knew or would have imagined it could be like that. I'm still facing challenges, but I love teaching and my students really like me. A close member of my family is very sick at the moment so the trials of life continue, but now I face them head on.

    This afternoon I spent resting and lying on my side. Depression sometimes still comes and I think I may still seek medical help. Feeling stronger. I just wanted to update everyone. I feel more alive than I have felt in years. It's both the agony and ecstasy of living as opposed to the numbness of P.

    Praise to you all who are still battling and those of you falling off your horse. I've slipped up so many times, but I always get back up (sometimes more slowly than others) and climb back on. It's just a ride, as Bill Hick's says, and what a wild ride it is.

    PC.
     
  16. bpm103

    bpm103 New Member

    Hey man... glad things are going well for you. I see you hit a few bumps in the road but you got back on track and that's all that matters. That's awesome you are with a girl you really like and the intimacy is good. That is something I see in my future provided I can continue the positive trend of healthy behavior.

    Keep it up!
     
  17. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Testing, testing, 1... 2... 3... is this thing on?

    Hi Everyone so it’s been almost five years since I last posted on here. A lot has changed since then. The woman I was dating is now my wife. I have a full time job surrounded by great people. I own my own home and have two cats. My life has grown a lot since I first remember coming here, when I was unemployed, Living in my mum’s basement and battling really chronic depression. My life has really turned around. I feel like I am doing great, but there is one area of my life I am still struggling to control and that is my use and abuse of P. Although I pretty much had a handle on it for most of last year, I have noticed a few more relapses and they have been getting more and more frequent. My most recent was a week ago and I am trying my best to do a full reset. I thought I would come back to this forum (as well as doing a No Fap challenge of Abstance Free April) so that I could be accountable to you fine people. It really helps me see my thought processes and to tell when I am starting to form rationalisations that are not healthily. I hope you are all doing well and I suspect many of the people I used to interact with have moved on. Take care everyone and stay strong.

    Kind Regards,
    Professor Chaos.
     
  18. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back ! The changes you have made in your life are inspiring. Good luck on your new plan with P !
     
    Professor Chaos likes this.
  19. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Nice to see you back here :). And so good to hear about the positive changes in your life. Good luck and enjoy the ride!
     
    Professor Chaos likes this.
  20. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    Welcome back. I agree with the two guys above me. Good to read a success story like yours.
     
    Professor Chaos likes this.

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