Free from Suffering

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Professor Chaos, Nov 11, 2012.

  1. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    You nix any app that triggers you? That's thorough man, I like it. Safe travels.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  2. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 127

    I’m coming on here before I do something stupid. I can feel the stupidity creeping in. I don’t have control right now and I’ve been slowing turning the water up on myself. Hasn’t descended into a full on relapse, but I’ve lost control. I need at least two hours away from my phone and computer to regain it. I’m not going to lie to myself and say that I am driving. My addiction is driving.
    1. Switch phone off and put it in a drawer.
    2. Log off computer and shut it down for the rest of the day.
    I’m not screwing this up. I’m coming on here to be accountable. Wish me luck gentlemen. I’m going dark.

    PC out.
  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Best of luck. You’re being smart. Staying safe and not taking any chances.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  4. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    Good skill being able to tell the difference. Have fun going bump in the dark, safe travels!
  5. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 128

    thanks guys. Definitely walked a fine line yesterday. Pretty much every safety net I had kicked into gear. Too much googling and sneaking a peak. Started with movie sex scenes. Then movie nudity. Then pop up ads. All the time I was lying to myself that I was in control and this was harmless. That has been a trap I have fallen into too many times.

    after locking away my phone and converting the computer into a changing table for the baby I was able to redirect my energy. Result in some really lovely intermittent time with my wife.

    still a little too close for comfort and a reminder that the price to be free of this is being constantly vigilant.

    BoughtWithBlood, Shady, Gil79 and 3 others like this.
  6. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 165

    Home sick from work. Funny how when I’m home alone, bored not feeling well my mind rolls over explicit content in my mind. It’s like you’re rolling your tongue over a sore tooth. But it’s not sore any more, you don’t feel anything.

    Its not that the craving is very strong. But it’s just sitting there. I don’t feel like this very often. I think this is just a cold and will pass soon. The baby is doing really well and growing steadily. I’m enjoying being a father and having a little family. Didn’t think it would be something I would ever experience.

    In spite of my sickness, I am really blessed. Just wanted to come on here and update how I’m feeling. Just realized I’ve crossed the five month threshold. It gets easier. If you are reading this and struggling, just hold on for another hour. It gets easier.

    Peace and strength to you all.
    Pete McVries and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great to read this and how well you’re doing!

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