Day 5. OK already gone longer than my last streak of a four days. Small victories are as important as the big ones. Been waking up at 4-5am and getting down to meditating. It helps a lot. I noticed that my sleep was rubbish leading up to the relapse. Sleep deprivation is a nasty thing. I feel proud of myself that in the past six months that I have not medicated with P. It’s only when I stopped moving that it reared it’s ugly head. A way of escaping the chaos of my own mind. P is just a symptom of imbalance. Being a parent is full of uncertainty, but I don’t want to be a parent who retreats from the world. I have also put on weight. The Covid kilos they call it. About 5kgs over what I’d like. Mostly around my belly. I need to get through the rest of this month and then need to start actioning my weight loss plan. this break of a week has taught me how important self care is. How much I need to look after myself and not sacrifice my own own health and sanity in order to be a parent. I am really looking forward to seeing my baby girl and my wife tomorrow. They are excited to see me. I feel very lucky. I know my previous post was pretty despairing but I think I was just in an emotionally low place. Right now I feel very far away from P. Like a distant memory. That is a huge red flag for me. I know from past experience that is calmest before the storm. I make a promise to myself to come on here and post if I feel strong urges. Peace and love, brothers (and sisters if you’re reading this) we will make it through this historic and wild year. love, PC.