Hey Guys. So I got to around day 120. Pretty good. But I relapsed about 11 days ago and then again last night. Couldn't sleep and felt pretty gross. I have been having a pretty tough time and unfortunately since I last posted we found out that our baby is not growing as fast as it should . We are now supported by a really amazing team, but it's been really hard on my wife and I. Being on the computer all day just means there are more opportunities to relapse and also being alone and somewhat stressed are all my triggers. My walls came down pretty fast and I also couldn't walk away as easily as I have in the past. I'm fortunate enough to still have my job and be able to work from home. I am surrounded by an amazing amount of love, but I feel profoundly disappointed in myself. An old dialogue of despair is starting to emerge and I have to just learn to relax past that. I think I need to look at increasing my security measures at home, but the initial relapse happened so fast that I didn't really have time to react. Last nights one was a slow build, but my own hubris that I still had control of myself reared it's ugly head. I need to make a promise to myself to come on here and update regularly. This website is still the best tool I have for keeping myself sober. I really do feel like I've got the worst hangover today and need to be on the look out for signs and symptoms. Will post more about the steps I'm taking to maintain my sobriety during this globally challenging time. Take care everyone. PC.