Free from Suffering

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Professor Chaos, Nov 11, 2012.

  1. Oh cool, there are like buttons on here. Awesome. Thanks for the kind welcome guys. It’s good to be hearing from people who are also trying to battle the same issues that I’ve faced in the past. It’s an ongoing battle. Today has been fine and I just finished a really nice relaxing meditation. Finished a project I’ve been working on, went to a friends engagement party and mowed the lawn. The key to beating the urges is to keep busy. The devil makes work for idle hands as our Christian friends like to say. My counter looks a little lame and I’m looking forward to trying to put up some big numbers. I need to stay accountable and post up how I’m feeling. Today is great. 10/10. But usually the first week is fine. It’s the next two weeks when the storm clouds really start together. Hang in there my friends, this ride is totally worth it.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  2. Day 11.

    Woke up this morning feeling great. So far everything had been smooth sailing. Was really feeling in control. However this afternoon I could feel some massive mood swings. Angry for no really good reason and feeling a bit numb to a couple of things I should feel proud of. Just to remind myself that things today went well:

    Got some high praise about a solution I presented at work.

    First proofs of a book I’ve been working on for over 18 months arrived from the printer.

    Off to play D&D tonight with good friends.

    Went to the gym and lifted some heavy weight.

    Got a good massage this afternoon.

    Had a really beautiful meditation at 6:00am this morning.

    See, I say to myself. I should feel happy. Instead I feel I bit grumpy and triggered. Just cause there was a miss communication with someone doing some work on our house. All that good buzz went away. What’s up with that? Gotta chill and let it go. These next few days are usually the rockiest after a relapse.

    Sending everyone else good vibes. Hope you are all hitting your goals and staying healthy.

  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    Some days can be frustrating like that. I remember hearing though we need to be aware of "I should" statements which are sometimes subtle ways for our inner critic to put pressure on ourselves instead of self compassion. I guess we feel as we feel and that is okay. Whatever we feel is all right. Sometimes we'll do good efforts and not feel to happy about it and that's okay, other times we'll mess up and, despite that, feel a strange sense of grace and lightness that same day. We're mysterious like that.
  4. I agree. There is a really good book my Psychologist recommended call The Happiness Trap. We a big boost to my recovery first time around. Think I might need to dust it off and have a re-read.

    I know I have the tools to beat this. I just need to access them. Thank you for your wise words Thelongwayhome27 , you rock!

    Living and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  5. Day 12

    Feeling good today over all, But still feeling very restless this afternoon. Can’t seem to settle or sit still. Found the article I was looking for with regards to procrastination and it’s like to stress. Given that my last relapse was the result of putting off an important task I found this very insightful.

    I think I’ll do some meditation when I get home.
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    I have it too somewhere with some dust on ! I had read about 2/3 of it a few years ago. I have also been thinking about getting back to it. I remember it was a good self-help book and I think it might have chances of helping even better now. But next one on my list is The six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
    Living likes this.
  7. Living

    Living Active Member

    This is without a doubt my favourite therapy book and was also recommended by my psychologist. I actually dusted it of myself last weekend;)
  8. Day 14

    Two weeks in and I keep waiting fir the cravings to start. But they haven’t. I think all the work I have done in the past means that my life is more used to not having this cross to bear.

    I have momentary flashes of stuff, but nothing all consuming. I watched a doc last night with my wife about Anorexia. I was struck by how similar so many mental disorders are. You feel a low sense of self worth and then choose something to numb the pain. With some of us it’s booze, some food, some escapist entertainment and for an increasing number of us it’s Porn.

    I’ll keep you posted. Gotta go. Stay strong.

  9. Day 18

    Strong urges today walking to bathroom at work. Didn’t get much sleep last night. Slow to get up out of bed this morning. Can feel depression on the edges of my mind. My wife calls it ‘gluggy’ when I feel like I’m trying to swim through glug to get anything done.

    Last couple of days my mind has been traveling at a million miles and hour. New projects I want to start and the chronic feeling of running out of time.

    Long weekend coming up for Easter. Looking forward to a break. But need to be extra vigilant as I’ll be staying with In-Laws and won’t have the normal filters online.

    Need to meditate and breath deep. Maybe I’ll sneak off and do that at lunch. Try to relax a bit. Hope everyone else doing ok.

  10. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    Well done on 18 days PC !

    I've often felt a slouch in the 16 to 21 day period of a streak. It seems right before I reach 3 weeks I am tested in one way or another (usually a mix of strong cravings and depression).

    I think it's good you are already anticipating ahead for the next weekend since it will be a little out of the routine, with Easter and in-laws.

    Best luck forward and let's try to take this one day at a time. I'm having some struggles most days on my side as well lol ! The relapse cave is always sort of open and asking me to jump right in lol.
    Professor Chaos likes this.
  11. Day 21.

    So that’s three weeks down. Crazy relapse dream last night. Thought I’d brought a dirty magazine from a shop and smuggled it out. Was quite sure I’d relapsed. Went straight back to sleep and dreamed that I was then trying to disposed of my ill gotten gains. I had not yet read the magazine, but was running around in town trying to find somewhere to dispose of my purchase. I think I ended up stuffing it in a trash can on the street full of posters. Woke up and laughed it off. Told my wife about the dream and we had a good chuckle the next morning. Strong impulses this afternoon, thought I’d come and post on here as a way of breaking away from dangerous impulses. Hope everyone else is having a good holiday break.


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