Forget It...

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Mik2, Dec 30, 2016.

  1. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Moderation doesn't work, abstinence doesn't work, weening off doesn't work. I've tried everything and failed time and again, so I gave up and decided to label it as moderation.

    David Ley's book's and articles aren't really useful for anything more than dealing with some latent shame. He makes a lot of false assumptions related to porn addiction (yes it is a real thing). I didn't mean to start some sort of trend to say that porn addiction doesn't exist and that we can all achieve moderation.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2016
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    You've "tried everything and failed time and again", but beyond porn/sex/masturbation/fantasies, have you changed your lifestyle? If so, how? What habits did you start? What did you give up? What did you want to add in your life to fill the void left by porn/fetishes?
     
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    The other day, I was swamped down with the symptoms of post porn and masturbation use and had no desire nor energy to do anything. So, I decided to hit the gym anyways. After the workout, my mental landscape changed completely. Same with jogging, etc.

    The point I am making is that there are constants in your life that you are afraid to change. Investigate them and do something about it. Once there, your mindset will be different. As per our past discussions, i remember you telling me about your career path and how you should be working. Do it build a career plan that goes beyond the norm.

    Relapsing is inevitable but with every relapse and retry, the synaptic connection between fantasy and masturbation gets weaker and weaker.

    I can relate big time with what you said about fantasy. The other day, while trying to sleep I couldn't so i coped by thinking of sex fantasy. One after another. It was wild and so burdening. However, I have recognized a significant decrease in the frequency of fantasy. And, that is helping me. I am certain I will go on a long streak very soon.
     
  4. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Sounds to me you're not making any lifestyle change, just swapping a comforting, non-challenging activity for another (videogames for porn).


    Some things aren't enjoyable until we actually see results or invest in them. Sports can be one of those things. Meditation has been the same for me too. Socialising also falls into that category.

    The problem with addiction is that we don't resist instant gratification. So we need to force ourselves to really give a try to some activities, and only judge after 5 or 10 sessions (or even more sometimes) if we want to keep trying it. Also, meditation/exercise/socialising come in many shapes and colours. Sports can be running, cycling, sprinting, lifting weights, doing Yoga, ... Have you tried them all? If not, you can't say gym isn't for you.

    You swapped an activity for another. That's good to delay the issues, no more. From what I know, only two things really matter long-term:
    - Deal with your issues internally
    - Build a life where porn isn't needed to fill a void

    Of course some cravings will still need to be faced, but they will become gradually weaker. At some point they'll be so weak, and life will be satisfying enough that addiction becomes a thing of the past.

    The good news is that you've tried only one approach so far, there are plenty more, so you have plenty of chances :)
     
  5. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I didn't mean to be hurtful. I just wanted to say that there are other ways, that you seemly haven't tried and therefore, still hope.

    But if you want to give up, well, that's your choice. I just hope you don't live in the past - what's done is done, all we can do is make the best we can for our present and future selves, even if that can't erase our past mistakes.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I didn't say otherwise. But whatever it is, only you can let it paralyze you (or not). It may or may not resurface - and whether it does or doesn't, lifestyle changes / dealing with issues will help you cope with it. Even if "it" includes some jail time or something like that.

    The ghost is here and will remain, nobody can change that (which is what I meant by "what's done is done"), but your attitude towards the ghost can change. That part is entirely up to you.
     
  7. UpendiT

    UpendiT Member

    Abstinence works. You just haven't gone at it long enough.

    You can't be dependent on sex to make you happy or you will always be miserable.
     
  8. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Mik don't do anything drastic. At least on this forum you have like minded people who share the same struggle as you even if they may sound like a broken record to you.

    Today I ordered this book called, "Super Brain" by deepak Chopra. It isn't about porn, anti-porn or anything. It is all about treating your brain right in light of confirmed science. This guy gets to the root of the problem, rather he gets to the root of our human core and highlights the relationship our minds and consequently our brains have with our body and therefore, our life.

    Read this short article and confirm that the ideas here are not only practical but way off the beaten path.
    http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/09/living/feel-less-powerless/index.html
     
  9. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    No worries, I'm far too much of a coward to ever consider doing something "drastic", I just have to live with it, happy f%#kin new year.
     
  10. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Sounds terrible, physical labor, no videogames, and I get to pay for it...oh boy where do I sign up ;)

    Was going to spend a few weeks/months in Cuba, but I've signed up for driving school so I'm stuck here for winter.
     
  11. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    You should have taken a moment to re-consider the grammar of these sentences :confused:
     
  12. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    I'm not dependent on sex to make me happy, just videogames, music, and porn :rolleyes:
     
  13. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Yeah, this conversations a real...train wreck...
    Nah jk, safe travels ;)
     
  14. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Mik - some suggestions.

    Forgive yourself. Face your fears (write them down). Set some rules about internet access. Work on ignoring your inner negative voice. Read up on self-esteem, and how to go about fixing it. Get busy doing new stuff - the more you dread an activity, the better!

    Above all accept that you spent years getting into this place of mind, and it will take a while to get out of it again. You will make small progress over a long period of time, as you gradually begin to feel happier and more connected. Relapses along the way won't disprove that this approach works, they will help you focus on what areas you've been skimping on.
     
  15. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    It's already under control to be honest, and I took a specific step recently that would cost me dearly if I were to fall back in to certain activities related to porn and sex addiction.
    I still watch porn, vanilla ethical boring stuff, and I leave the darker things in the back of my mind where they belong.

    I have also found it helpful to set a maximum of 1 orgasm per day and 1 porn video (though I no longer need it all the time to get off.

    I've been caffeine free for 2-3 weeks now, and coming up on a week free from alcohol. Camomile is a much safer stress reliever.

    My goals are different from many others here, perhaps in the future they will be more focused on less masturbation, complete abstinence from porn, and more connection with other people, but right now there is far more at stake. You have to walk before you can run.
     

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