For Queen and country.....and myself

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Kazin, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Hi there

    Thought i would get on the journal band wagon to, im not going to be on here all the time anymore as its turning into an addiction all of its own, will make my visits and journal entries once weekly.

    I became a heavy porn user at the age of 24 after a breakup with my girlfriend of 3 years, im 29 and a half now, not only was i into porn videos, but cam sites, chat rooms, escort and dating sites, ive spent hours and hours horny as hell.

    Ive watched all the porn genres on every damn tube on the internet and become desensitized as a mutharfu**er, ive got quite severe ed problems and i don't get turned on by normal sexual cues.

    The first time i realised i had ed was in a rather strange way, i met a girl on the net in September last year, she asked me to send a picture on my tackle and i could not get an erection for the picture, i actually put it down to the fact i had a nervous breakdown a couple of months before and had upped my dose of anti depressants
    I then had sex with the girl the day after and suffered a bout of PE but got an erection fine, id not taken my tablets that day.
    Anyway i carried on with the porn and the rest of it, totally blind to the cause of the problem and got another girl off the dating site, same story but couldn't get an erection with out manual stimulation on the 3 occasions we had sex, i also only could only could get a 90% erection and suffered PE on all occasions.

    So at this time it was early October and i had to strip my room as it was getting re decorated etc at which point i had to be without my computer for around 3 weeks, no porn, which didn't bother me but my penis started to shrink and go numb, cold, i honestly could not feel it at all.
    I was really scared so booked in the hospital, i saw a doctor and told him that id had a nervous breakdown in the summer, he said that the symptoms i was showing were because of the breakdown and that it could take one to two years to get back on track..............Yeah right!!

    This wasnt good, so i went to the doctors a few days later, he gave me a viagra prescription and booked me in with a specialist.

    At this point i was chatting to another girl and got with her, came to having sex after a night out, no erection, nothing, dead, no libido no urge, it might as well of been a sack of potatoes next to me, omg i was devastated but then i remembered i had my viagra stash, got one of those down the neck, waited 30 mins and bingo, had sex all night but holy delayed ejaculation batman, i could not ejaculate no matter what, day after......same, day after that.........same.

    Early november, the girl who i had to use viagra with was my gf at this point, she was understanding of my situation as she thought that it was because of the breakdown, we had had sex loads of times, didnt enjoy it once and could only get a 90% erection on a good day, started to loose erections mid sex etc etc.

    Off to see specialist i go, told him the story and he booked me in for loads of tests and booked me in for a fortnightly sex therapist lolol, i actually told him i had watched loads of porn for years, to which he replied that i may be a little desensatised but not enough to effect me in this way?????? anyway me another prescription of viagra and sent me on my merry way.

    Sooo that is when i started searching the internet found YBOP and everything started to fit into place, i knew there and then what had caused this and stopped watching porn on the spot, that was 93 days ago.

    Started trying to abstain with the girl, would go a week, then 10 days, then 5 days then two weeks etc, PE every time. couldnt do it with a partner, to much pressure from her, when she got horny i would feel guilty, first sign of getting an erection i was just as bad so not all her fault.

    Was abstaining from the 4th, but fast forward to the 7th I went to see a private specialist, one of the most respected in the world, told him the full story, he knew all about YBOP and all the details on what has happened to us guys, he advocated that a long period of abstainance was the only way forward for us. One thing he did mention that didnt match with the YBOP (the only thing that didnt match) is that spontanious erections must return for the reboot to be complete, he said that morning erections should be 100% or your not recovered, especially if your under 40.

    This is when i got my act together and decided to do this reboot good and proper.

    DAY 23: Today i nearly messed up, i stupidly tried to test if i could get an erection and felt like i was going to ejaculate just trying to get one, i was so sensative, if id of carried on for another 10 seconds id of ejaculated with a 50% hard on, I was only shaking, wiggling, not masturbating, phew nearly.
  2. life-cubed

    life-cubed New Member

    You sound like you are in the UK - from a fellow countryman, I salute you ;D and congrats on maintaining your 'winning streak'.
  3. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Thankyou for the kind words mate, yes I'm in Yorkshire, how about you?
  4. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    The doctors are so uninformed about this problem :(

    I wonder if they'll ever catch up with it and start prescripting quitting porn instead of viagra.
  5. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Amen brother :)
  6. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Right guys, I'm off here for a week, hopefully ill have some positive things to report. Make sure you all keep your chins up and stay strong. Speak soon.
  7. bigproblem

    bigproblem New Member

    so my take on it is that you need to be getting spontaenous erections in order for the reboot to be considered complete. This is a fine piece of information. This sort of gives me a benchmark where I can say that I'm cured or semi-cured. I think I will abstain from PMO till that point of spontaenous erections.

    What do you guys think?
  8. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    I don't believe that's completely accurate. If you were previously suffering from ED and you started getting spontaneous erections that would certainly be a sign that you're healing. However, there doesn't appear to be a clear definition of what it means to be "cured" and the specific details seem to vary person to person (as does the time required, the withdrawal symptoms experienced, etc.). If you're rebooting it means you're looking to clear up some issues that you believe are attributed to porn and masturbation; I suppose you can say you're cured once those symptoms disappear.

    Other thoughts on this gentlemen?
  9. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    I think its the way forward, I'm gonna go as long as it takes to get 100 percent morning woods, to me it makes total sense, you should be getting them if your under 40 and that for me is set in stone, successful sex is easy, I've no doubt that after 3 months you can get one up for a girl but so what, fixed is fixed, broke is broke, lets tick all boxes here and do a proper reboot. If your not getting 100 percent morning erections then you have ed, pretty simple in my eyes,
    Anyone who can't see that is quite fankly stupid, 100 percent morning woods are erections, the e in ed stands for erectial, erectial means erection, need I go any further.
  10. bigproblem

    bigproblem New Member

    What do you consider mourning wood? When you awake and have an erection or you awake without an erection but then start imagining and thinking about women and pretend there is one near you , perhaps even touch yourself and then start getting a hardon because of this?
  11. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    A morning wood is when you awake and its just there naturally with no stimulation or fantasy.
  12. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Day 27. Things I've noticed,

    No more cold hands and feet

    My penis is not numb, cold or shrunken

    I've been more calm the last couple of days than I have been in months

    My penis felt like it was gonna ejaculate when flacid for the last couple of weeks, that has now stopped.

    Lots of morning semis, some times up to 80 percent

    Women look amazing

    The bits of fantasy that pop into my head are non porn related and the content is not hardcore anymore, I'm getting aroused by simple sexual acts in these fantasys which I'm still trying to fight.

    Overall I'm seeing lots of improvement.
  13. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Day 28

    90 percent morning wood today, happy days

    Still feeling pretty calm to
  14. machok

    machok New Member

    Looks like your progress is going well, keep up the good work. Interesting part about what the therapist said about morning and spontaneous erections for the reboot to be successful, sounds very logical to me.
  15. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Day 29

    For weeks I was having problems with fantasy when I woke up, I read a reboot account and he said that he was waking in the morning and was sure he could get back to sleep but instead he was going into a half sleep and fantasizing, I know exactly what he means, its so fucked up and must be part of the reboot
    It had started to die down but this morning was so intense, I was in a trance for an hour, half asleep, half awake and just thinking about sex acts with girls I've been with or want to be with.
    I've got to start getting out of bed as soon as my eyes open.

    70 percent morning wood

    Damn cold hands, feet and penis are back today, not happy about this
  16. life-cubed

    life-cubed New Member

    Surrey :D Glad things are still going well for you!
  17. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Day 35 no mo 105 days no P

    Cold hands,feet and penis have not been anywhere in sight

    I've had morning wood everyday this week, on two occasions it was 90 percent

    Felt the best in years on tuesday this week, but felt shocking everyday since.

    Women are looking amazing

    No libido what so ever
  18. bigproblem

    bigproblem New Member

    when you say mourning wood and then you say twice it was 90 percent. What percent where the others?
  19. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    I'd say around 70 percent mate
  20. Kazin

    Kazin New Member

    Day 40 no MO Day 110 no P

    First bit of real progress being made chaps, Today was the first day I've had any libido in 6 months, not by no means wild beast libido but certainly libido, tried to give my self an erection earlier and to my suprise it was straight up, happy days.

    Was in the steamroom earlier at the gym and there was a rather overweight girl with a bikini on and she looked hot as hell, I even got a semi on just checking her out, happy days.

    Morning wood is a daily thing, never 100 percent although the odd 90 percenter keeps popping up, this morning was only a 40 percent one.

    Last week I had a day where I felt the best I had in years, but I'd felt depressed every day since, today with my signs of progress have made me feel a lot better.

    Cold hands feet and penis seem to be gone for good.

    Fantasy still rears its ugly head numerous times per day but I just get it out of my head straight away.

    Anyway I've got a long time left another 90 days at least, want to get my self back on form, I'm not stopping till I'm fully fixed, ill go a year if I have to.

    Come on guys let's fucking do this, no excuses just hard work.

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