foot fetish...how to overcome?

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by determinedperson, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    I don't know if it is a porn induced ED or not, but here's the problem.

    I'm 16 right now. Ever since I was really young (like 5y.o. young) I've had a liking for feet. So I've basically had a foot fetish my entire life. The problem is, my foot fetish takes up 99.99% of my sexual thoughts, and what normal people think about (boobs, ass, blowjobs, etc) 0.01%.
    I have to try to solve this problem by any means. Ideally for me there are 2 ways this can go:
    I get rid of my foot fetish completely and develop an interest in normal stuff (boobs, ass, etc). (preferred, obviously)
    Foot fetish is still there but I my main source of sexual arousal will not be it, but rather normal stuff.
    Either way is fine with me.
    What I don't want is losing foot fetish but then having no interest in normal stuff because then I'd just be like an asexual.
    I'm extremely worried about this, more worried than I had ever been before. What if I can't hide this from the people around me? How am I going to have a proper relationship with a woman if I can't even get turned on by normal sex? I think it's urgent that I resolve this problem, because I don't really want it to get worse. I'm only 16 right now so there is hopefully a way for me to change my area of sexual interest.
    Some ideas I came up with are:
    No fap (absolutely no fapping to feet). However, I don't know if I should gradually get it out of my system, or just go cold turkey.
    Forcing myself to fap to regular porn. It has happened before (although somewhat against my will i.e. not completely turned on) but I need to make it the default source of sexual arousal, NOT feet.

    tl;dr I can't get aroused without feet, and that's a problem. It's been in my system since childhood. I want a normal relationship later on in life. This needs to change. I am willing to do whatever it takes, by any means necessary, to get rid of it. Sorry if I sounded a bit annoying; I'm just extremely worried now, more worried than I had ever been before.

    The biggest advantage on my side, I think, is that I'm 16 right now. Starting young is always good.
     
  2. bigal123

    bigal123 New Member

    What you potentially have is a paraphilic disorder, not porn induced erectile dysfunction. Have you had sexual intercourse or been sexually intimate with someone yet?
     
  3. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    Nope, but I'm only 16. I feel romantic attraction, but just not attraction to the normal parts of a female (boobs, etc)
     
  4. bigal123

    bigal123 New Member

    Then you don't have anything to overcome, and I don't see why you should be so worried. Having an atypical sexual attraction to a non-sexual part of a female's body is completely okay. But you won't know the extent of your sexual attraction until you actually become intimate with someone. You should only begin to worry if your fetish causes your sexual partner harm or you suffer significant impairment, i.e., you can't get or maintain an erection without the fetish; and even then you may find someone who's completely willing + happy to indulge your fetish all the time.
     
  5. randomname

    randomname Guest

    Yo mate a foot fetish is nothing to be embarrassed about I have a foot fetish aswell. I heard 1 in 4 guys has a foot fetish I tell people all the time if were on that subject. The fact you've had it since a young age it's gonna be with you for life I've had my foot fetish since i was bout 10 trust me why do you think girls love wearing such sexy shoes. Seriously mate stop trying be like every1 else and enjoy the things you like.
     
  6. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    I don't mind having a foot fetish, as long as I don't NEED it to get off (as I do now) - which I am having trouble with. I want it to be optional, not mandatory, because the reason it's a problem is that it's not there alongside the normal stuff, it's there INSTEAD of the normal stuff.
     
  7. bigal123

    bigal123 New Member

    You've already admitted that you haven't been intimate with anyone, so you don't know if you need your fetish to get off; but even if you did that's not necessarily a bad thing if your partner is willing to indulge your fetish. A paraphilic disorder is characterized by dysfunctional interpersonal relationships or impairment/distress in the person with the fetish. The first part doesn't apply to you because you've never been intimate with anyone, however, the second may apply to you because you are obviously experiencing distress right now.

    However, I think you might be causing yourself unnecessary distress. There is no such thing as the "normal stuff" that people do when they engage in sexual intimacy with themselves or others. The range of human sexual expression is extremely variegated. So it's not appropriate to say stuff like, "My foot fetish is there INSTEAD of the normal stuff."

    I take it that your fear is that you may not be able to be intimate with someone without indulging your fetish. That's a reasonable fear to have IF you're romantically attracted to someone who is unwilling to indulge your fetish and you cannot get off without said fetish. In that case you need to seek the help of a mental health professional, as I don't think anyone here can help you. And if you have a pornography addiction then that may be exacerbating the distress you feel about your fetish.
     
  8. White_Wolf

    White_Wolf New Member

    I was in a pretty similar situation apart from I had a different fetish and I didnt even realise anything was wrong until I was about 24, so you've done really well to figure it out at 16.

    You have nothing to worry about, although these fetishes tend to incredibly tricky addictions, the situation you are in is reversable. My personal strategy was to only fap to standard porn and erotica. Initially I was bored to tears with it and it was very frustrating even getting errection, but after a few weeks, then months though I began to get turned on by it, it was quite weird actually how I changed.

    Its about 2 years later now and I still go through dark periods where the fetish randomly gets more intense...but now it tends to be more of a caged beast. I can have sex fine the majority of the time, although there is the odd fail session.

    I am not an advocate of the PMO method (Had a go and wasnt effective) for treating life long fetishes which is why I dont post much here anymore.
     
  9. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    I've started fapping to standard porn too; it's effective and I can actually get off to it but of course not as quickly/effectively as I do with foot fetish stuff. No, I'm not doing PMO, I've just cut down to once per day. Anyways, this seems like very solid advice and actually I've looked into your profile and your posts and you seem very knowledgeable about this stuff, and I was wondering why your last post was from 2013 lol. If it doesn't take up too much of your time/isn't a bother, do you mind if I PM you about this stuff? I'm pretty convinced it's reversible too (and even if it isn't, as you said, I don't mind if it's a tamed beast) but in order to be successful I have to know exactly what to do - can you provide me with some insight into how that might go?

    Also, this realization came onto me pretty quickly... the same day that I indulged my foot fetish in the morning, I researched about eliminating foot fetish and stumbled upon this site in the afternoon.

    If I could just see a psychologist or something and choke it out of my system AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE I would (with these things if YOU SEE AN OPPORTUNITY YOU TAKE IT and you take action AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE). But of course I want to clean myself up without having to let my parents know because that would be infinitely better (and that is what I am aiming for).

    I just hate being distant and not being turned on by what others turn on, and when my friends talk about porn I don't get turned on like they do; it just makes me feel very special (in a bad way).
     
  10. bigal123

    bigal123 New Member

    Your behavior at this point is typical of someone who is in denial and only wants to take advice that comports with their desire. I'm warning you now NOT to take advice from White_Wolf because he's wrong about this. First, a fetish is NOT an addiction, it's a paraphilia. And if your paraphilia meets certain criteria, which I've outlined above, then it becomes a paraphilic disorder. Second, you are definitely in denial about your pornography addiction, which I've already told you could be exacerbating the distress you feel about your fetish. For example, you wrote this, "No, I'm not doing PMO, I've just cut down to once per day." If you are still PMO'ing once per day, then you are still PMO'ing. You are still enthralled by your addiction. Third, you need to seek the help of a mental health professional because only they can diagnose you with a paraphilic disorder, if this is indeed what you have.
     
  11. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    Freud claimed that most fetish arise before full sexual maturity and are mostly based on shame and power.

    The problem with Freud is, though many of his theories are accurate he seldom offers solutions to the problem. He merely identifies the cause.
     
  12. ChaosGrinder

    ChaosGrinder Active Member

    Can't agree you more, man, except the PMO training method.
    I have several life-long fetishes too, but how do you get yourself attracted to normal stuff without PMOing? By saying having sex the majority of the time, you mean vanilla sex?
    I'm kinda curious and confused cuz I'm fighting the same beast.
     
  13. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    Forget I said PMO. By PMO I meant that now I would get off to regular porn, not foot fetish related content, once a day, in order to develop an interest in regular porn (Sorry, sometimes I get confused as to what these terms mean). Interestingly enough...it's surprisingly effective. I do not have a pornography addiction at all, and therefore, it is not making me feel bad or anything at all.
     
  14. White_Wolf

    White_Wolf New Member

    People like this are the reason I dont post much here anymore - In such an under researched area its hard for anyone to be an authority on what is right or wrong when it comes to life long fetishes. Too many people on here jump the gun and are quick to propose serious therapy or 500 days of PMO etc, frankly its embarrasing.

    I'm not saying im right or wrong, but what I will say is that the lad is 16 years old, he might as well have a go at sorting this out himself before consulting professional help, especially considering the cost and waiting lists involved. Besides masturbatory re-conditioning is a common part of the treatment programme.

    Of course feel free to PM me any time but my responses might be slow, I dont know where to begin giving insight , I have so many weird strategies. The most important thing is to keep a log book, and record when you do have fetish urges, and why you think they were triggered. Each day mark yourself out of 5, with 0 being when you have PMOed to your fetish and 5 being when you have hardly acted on any urges at all. This will help you analyse when you are at your weakest - e.g. for me it was when I was worried about something, or incredibly bored, I used it as escapism.

    At the end of the day...the fetish is a fountain of accessible incredible highs, you need to logically set as many barriers in between you and the fetish as possible. If you can, film a video talking to yourself...(Actually got this idea from New Girl) explaining all the negatives of this fetish, and all the benefits of slaying it. Sounds like something your grandma would say but keeping as busy as possible really helps, especially if that distraction is hanging out with hot girls.

    Sorry I probably wasnt very clear, I did PMO, daily, using erotica and fantasy to gradually develop attraction to 'vanilla' sex. I also got a girlfriend and began re-wiring. Personally I believe that this was way more succesfull than not PMOing (which I also did previously for over 5 months).

    I didnt even realise I had a problem untill I was 24, I had become so good at manipulating women that I had experienced incredible highs by carrying out my fetish in real life with them, I also suffered from death grip and tight foreskin and didnt have a clue what I was doing during sex initially. If I can overcome that to have pretty consistent decent sex, im sure you guys can too
     
  15. jamesjefferson

    jamesjefferson New Member

    Hi White_wolf, I wanted to ask your opinion specifically, because my situation sounds a lot like yours. I have a fetish I've had all my life too, and only in the last couple of years started trying to fap to vanilla porn only, which has worked out alright after enough trying. Do you think in order to have sex I should carry on doing this, or try no PMOing for a few months and then try with a woman. I think conditioning myself to straight porn is definitely working to an extent but I don't know if I'f be able to have full sex with at least a few months of abstinence behind me. What do you think? Thanks.
     
  16. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member



    Alright, I'll try the log method. The talking to myself method seems very weird (and might be hard to do considering that I live with family members) but hey, by any means necessary. I do notice that whenever I succumb to my fetish urges, it is usually accompanied by or caused by a decrease in mood, so I'll keep an eye out on that.

    I PM'd you by the way, so if you have time if you can give a response that'd be great, but take your time. Really, thanks for the advice.
     
  17. J07

    J07 New Member

    How are you getting on mate? Your in the EXACT same situation as me
     
  18. Brokenbymyfetish

    Brokenbymyfetish New Member

    I would just like to tell determined person that I'm in the same boat as you. It's good you realized this before you were sexually intimate. I realized I had a problem while trying to lose my virginity, and I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I don't know what I was thinking, how I planned on getting hard when like you, I had 0 interest in regular sex. If you make any progress, message me on here and let me know. I will share that sexual experiences with a real women are important, if the only time you experience sexual arousal is with a real woman, over time your brain should shift to liking that sexually shouldn't it? Thinking of the times I've brought my girlfriend to orgasm with my hands and mouth get me harder quicker than thoughts of my fetish now, but I'm still unable to have sex. I wouldn't go overboard with the online masturbation rewiring technique, as your problem could simply switch from a fetish problem to a porn addiciton problem. But without doubt, you should cut out your foot fetish porn. All of it. Good luck bro.
     
  19. Nylonfeetonly

    Nylonfeetonly New Member

    Bro there is nothing wrong with having a foot fetish. It started with me early as 5 yrs old and I'm 36 now. I grew up in church and loved to see women feet in stockings. I remember sniffing and rubbing my grandmother's feet whenever she wore them and took a nap. Then I had a older cousin that always wore them even now. And she would purposely let me play with her feet growing up. She liked her feet to be touched and rubbed and I liked doing it lol. As I got older I started to get turned on by it. I've been married 17 years and my wife is fine with it. She was more angry that I hid it the first year or so. She woke up to me masturbating with her feet in my lap and a pair of knee high stockings on her feet lol! For us it spices things up. She knows that her feet give me an extra spark. Also if she's not in the mood I can still get some type of pleasure. Trust me you're not alone and you would be surprised at the woman out there that will embrace your fetish. Hell everybody has some type of fetish they're just to afraid to mention it. It takes the right person to bring it out! You're good bro!!
     

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