Focus on Less Things

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ClimbXR, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    It's finally becoming easier to wake up every morning, don't need an alarm clock. Wow, can't believe it's taken 5 months for this to start happening. I'm getting a lot of clarity about the kind of man I want to be. It's not a very long list, but I have it defined.

    I know exactly what I need to work on to be the man I will respect internally. I'm so far from there yet but little by little it's going to happen.

    Presenting myself to the outside world has been difficult. There's really no such thing as being a natural and saying whatever. For years, I've said the wrong stuff and reacted wrong simply because I had no clarity and my mind was a mess. I had no direction or real goals or desires. I attribute this to PMO but I also had some health problems that had to be corrected.

    Looking back, I could have presented myself much better if I only knew about framing. I guess in retrospect it's hard. But it's all because I never took the time to gain clarity in exactly the man I want to be. I am realizing right now that this is probably another reason I was getting anxious during interviews. I'm going to spend 30 minutes every evening just envisioning the man I want to be and how it looks like.

    I'm getting better at time management and am feeling so much better talking less with my parents. Wow, can't believe it took me 12+ years of my adult life to realize the power of not sharing everything. Reading good books helps a lot for those that don't have a good family or support system to set an example

    For all you who are lost, start reading from people like Rollo Tomassi and others. Even if you don't agree with them, they truly help you understand how sometimes your view of the world is limiting.

    Essentially, how clearly you see yourself in your mind will set the frame in how you talk, act and react around you. And you can't fool your mind. There's no way to stop becoming a loser till you start taking actions under your control that make you a better person. Slowly, the mind starts believing this because it's a reality.

    I have a date with the Australian girl later today and I'm going to go in with the right frame of my mind. That is key. It's much needed practice, real life interaction.
     
  2. kopp

    kopp Member

    Hey man. :) I read about you in your 'approach 100 girls' topic and enjoyed it a lot.
    And now I'm reading your journal and the first post feels like minimalism to me and in the last one you're talking about Rollo Tomassi which I like quite a bit.

    Have you been working on how you see yourself in your mind? If yes, what has worked?

    I wish you all the best!
     
    ClimbXR likes this.
  3. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I just want to add something very important. In order to be natural and not think about what to say with women all you need to do is strongly frame what kind of person you are, your values and beliefs. Once this is set in your mind, you can be "natural" around women because you just know who you are clearly. Your mind will automatically steer you into the right conversation. Working on this hard.

    Thanks, @kopp. I don't see the results yet because I still don't have that 100% clarity about who I am. I'd say I'm at around 70%. Just going to spend 30 minutes every night going over my values, belief system and how I engage with people. It's almost like a meditation. I'd like to do this every day up till the New Year to really strengthen my frame.
     
  4. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Hanging out w/ the Australian chick went well. I kept my babbling to a minimum and just let things flow based on my frame of my mind. Gave a long hug goodbye. Its been a while since I held a woman close like that. She isnt particularly “hot” in the traditional sense but shes not fat, and her body is pretty good. Shes in town for another week, she said so its not a long term possibility. Regardless, happy i didnt spend my saturday alone.

    Continuing to work hard on my frame of my mind, to be the man I want to be.
     
  5. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Today I went over a friends house for dinner. I don't see him often so it was good to catch up. When we were growing up, I was always the more successful one. But as I went into college, he was dating girls and I was in my PMO rut. He currently owns a business and is a millionaire. It was good to talk to him. It gave me hope that anything is possible in life.He got lucky by marrying into a rich family who helped set him up. He's a nice guy and even offered me a job in what I used to do in the business world.

    The money would help a lot but I just don't want to go back to that line of work. I'm sticking to my creative endeavors. Hopefully things pick up soon. I may be crazy for not taking the job but I believe in myself. And I don't want to do mind numbing number crunching and data entry. Even though a job is a job, I feel that our life is nothing but the decisions we make. And I just can't make the decision to give up on my dreams.

    I'm trying hard to get into a disciplined routine and it's still not happening. I also noticed that I need to work hard on talking comfortably around people. I felt like there were some awkward moments as I entered the house to greet his family. I didn't feel 100% comfortable and I want to. I will include that in my meditation tonight.
     
  6. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    These two go hand in hand. The other day I heard a podcast from the author of the book The drummer and the great Mountain. Which is all about why creative people (who often have undiagnosed ADD/ADHD) struggle with the routine part of life. Check out the website and do the quiz to see if you have a 'hunter type brain' too. Could be interesting.
     
  7. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    So I took the quiz and am indeed have the "hunter type brain." I'm sure if I went to get tested by a psychologist I'd have some form of ADD/ADHD. Somehow, I've been able to get through life (not very successfully) without any drugs. If I need to though, I can sit for many hours and get shit done. My problem is having a consistent routine. I'd like to solve this without any medication. I hope meditation and intense physical sport will help.

    Will keep you guys posted.
     
  8. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I've had exactly the same thing. I guess from adolescence we learn how to deal with the symptoms in a sort of half-assed way. So our environment doesn't notice much but we tend to struggle with stuff that other people have no problem with.

    I tend to always run into deadlines, sometimes putting stuff off until I'm working on something in the middle of the night because of all the procrastination. As if imminent time pressure is one of the few ways to get my brain going. And afterwards I always wonder "why can't I just go the easy route, plan stuff ahead and then just do it?".

    So two things the podcast mentioned were outdoor cardio exercise (30-40 minutes, 2-3 times a week). Specifically outdoor for fresh air, which is supposedly what we hunters need. And cardio, for the dopamine and other neurotransmitters. And in the food podcast it was said that a hunter-diet should produce amazing results. Which means no artificial stuff, no sugar and very limited carbs. Basically paleo or keto. Stuff that should work well is 20 grams of protein in every meal, lots of omega 3 acids (3 times a week fat fish) and of course loads of vegetables and "brainfoods" like berries. I've yet to listen to the supplements podcast.
     
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  9. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Good for you..ALWAYS follow your dreams. I just cant sacrifice my time and happiness anymore.
     
  10. Living

    Living Active Member

    I have similar problems, but I'm kind of sceptic about the whole ADD/ADHD label. Or perhaps I'm rather sceptic about calling it a disorder. I think it's simply our brains working in a different way than those of other people. Maybe it's partly due to us being guys. TheBeg and I are both from the Netherlands and here it's a well-known problem that education really favours girls. And part of that problem are several symptoms mentioned on the Drummer and the great Mountain website. And it's not just boys being different from girls, but it's also that schools wants us to work along the lines of girls. So while girls actually strenghten qualities they already have, we have to try and learn those same qualities. That might work for some, but not for all. Boys will be boys.

    I definitly think it's a good thing to be aware that the way your brain works might not go along with certain ways others want us to work and that you to try to find ways that work better for you. While I do think the suggestions Michael Joseph Ferguson gives might be useful in that way, I also think that a bit of caution is in place with labeling yourself with a disorder.
     
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  11. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Michael actually prefers to call ADD/ADHD a neurological type, rather than a disorder. It's just a particular wiring with certain attributes which are related to hunter people would live in the old days. And too bad for us the western world is geared more towards the farmer type of people.
     
  12. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    All very interesting stuff. I'm in the United States in a very large city on the east coast and it's pretty much a melting of so many different cultures and mentalities. Towards the middle of America, boys are raised to be more manly and have much better values. Here, it really depends on so many factors.
     
  13. kopp

    kopp Member

    Thank you guys for sharing the "hunter brain" thing, I took the quizz and of course got diagnosed with hunter brain too.

    Nice to see you talking about believing in yourself. :)
     
  14. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I got a new side job that's every night for a few hours helping an old friend on a very large construction/remodeling project in a huge townhouse in the city. He's a very talented designer and we are setting up lots of high end cabinetry in the kitchen. He doesn't trust the cheaper laborers he usually hires because the client is paying a lot for perfection. So there are a few of us from art school helping making sure things are done with quality. The work is not hard, it's just these cheap laborers have no pride in what they do and no incentive to be careful. Even if they are paid more they still don't care and my friend has to constantly fix their mistakes. It's kind of insane to see someone spend close to a million dollars on a kitchen, using the best appliances and materials money can buy. They are a famous person...so it makes sense.

    My business had very few sales so far this month, so I'm very lucky for this alternative cash flow. I still haven't heard back from the tech startup I interviewed last week. I keep thinking about the gorgeous girl working there. She has this luscious natural red hair and pale skin, really nice figure too. It's such a long shot at this point. While I take the train into the city for this side job I spend the time meditating about the man I want to be. I'm becoming much more self aware that my frame of my mind is still not strong in reality. It's going to be a constant effort, like exercising every day. My money situation is okay through October. I'm hoping to continue on the progress and really become a better man. I'm hoping after 90 days of consistently working out, my body will be back to its old self. I'm really skinny now and lost all my muscle mass. Without clothing though, I look flabby. I just want to look fit, nothing dramatic

    I'm finding it much easier to wake up in the morning. And I try hard to work on my goals. I'm still not as efficient from around 6AM to 10AM. I find it incredibly hard to work out. I just don't have that urge to drop to the floor and do some weights and calisthenics in my room. Really have to force myself. I feel better afterwards though. Hoping to keep it up. I'm avoiding all computer time at night, which is helpful.
     
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  15. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I'm in the city now waiting for a doctor's appointment. I'm thinking that if I can really cement my early morning routine, the rest of the day will flow easier. Ideally, I'd like to get the most important things done before 12pm. Without a full time job and being one's own boss life requires intense discipline.

    I did a mini workout routine this morning, proud of that.
     
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  16. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    As the weekend comes to an end, I'm catching up on some side projects and thinking how I still haven't been going 100%. Yesterday I had really terrible back pain, it might have been from too may push ups the previous day. Feeling a bit better today but just disappointed at how I'm still not getting a lot of stuff done. I truly need to just do what i plan as fast as possible and stop thinking, hence the title of this thread.

    Emotionally I feel completely centered now. I have no feelings of anger or fear or resentment. But I have a very tiny burn inside of me to just accomplish more. I want to go to sleep every night feeling I've done as much as I could.
     
  17. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I reset my counter to zero from the day where I stopped YouTube binge-ing at night. I know YouTube isn't porn but I had a bad habit of going down an internet wormhole for a few hours every night. I think that was really slowing down my progress. This new counter is a true reflection of clean days.
     
  18. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    with you on that one
     
  19. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Still so hard to be productive. Today I woke up late and tried to get a lot of work done but kept getting distracted. I have this side project I'm being paid for that is taking up way too much of my time in the morning. I have to figure out a way to allocate 2 hours max. Time management is a bitch. Heading to my other job soon. Barely squeezed in time for my business today.
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  20. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I'm on the ADD/ADHD route because I've always suspected myself to at least have traits (never got the format diagnose). It seems that people with this neurological type are way more susceptible to addictions... AND we suffer a lot from poor time management and motivating ourselves for stuff that doesn't completely capture our attention.
     
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