Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ClimbXR, Mar 16, 2018.
Second that. This week I decided to turn off my smartphone when at home. It's just a waste of time that eats our mental energy away. We shouldn't do that to ourselves.
So today I had to do some required errands mid day that ruined my flow. For a while now I've come to a realization I need to start early before anyone is up...particularly my retired parents (live in the neighborhood). They are extremely distracting.
I got one 2 hour spurt done and half of the next...progress but not as much as I want.
If I wake up two hours earlier, I can definitely complete 2 ( two hour) work spurts before 12 pm even if I need to run errands. And I will have time to work out. I don't do anything productive at night after my job anyways, better to just be in bed immediately.
I have the same thinking sometimes. It seems that I'm either more productive in the late afternoon, maybe the same holds when I get up very early. Perhaps it could come from the thought that at those moments, there are typically no expectations of productivity by other people.
I came home last night form work and wasn't particularly hungry but I decided to eat. Big mistake. I had trouble falling asleep and it was a terrible 3-4 hours in bed before I finally was able to unwind. Unfortunately, I woke up late again this morning. I did one two hour spurt which was super productive. But I wasted a ton of time on stupid things around the apartment. I could have easily done more. But am feeling good about being accountable. Tomorrow trying to wake up early and work hard on those 2 work spurts.
Heading off to my night job gig now. We are almost done with the job, just going over finishing touches and making sure it's perfect--- which means I'll be needing a new side gig soon.
Making an assessment of the week I realize the biggest problem is getting up early and being productive before 12 pm. I've managed to have a productive 2 hour spurt every day this week but it's far from enough to move the needle towards my goals. But it's progress for sure. This has been the weirdest recovery for me. During my other times at this day mark I was waking up way easier. It's not really the case yet. On day 20 I was waking up well, but then it faded. Obviously I need to reduce my caffeine intake and exercise more so I fall asleep faster.
Today I have decided to completely eliminate:
B) Excess technology use
Those two have been a drug for me and have served as a replacement dopamine hit for no-pmo.
Today is Day 1 Columbus Day 2018. I will suffer through the withdrawal. But I need to get these two terrible vices out of my life for good.
Instead of technology I will be around real people as much as possible.
Instead of caffeine, I will exercise whenever I have the urge to drink it.
Going to post weekly, to cut down on technology use. Nothing new to report yet. Really enjoying not using technology too much. At night, I just shut everything off. In regards to recovery, I am getting new thoughts about just being with a woman and it's not as focused on looks as it was while I was PMOing. Trying to go out more and meet new girls. Been slow with erratic work, but trying to fix that. No caffeine has been going well. I think my withdrawal is finally reached its peak and I'm not as groggy.
Day 55 of No PMO.
Wow. I'm finally seeing a change in mood. Having a desire for life and people. No longer care about my dumpy neighborhood bringing me down. Just enjoying living. Also, I've been going to bed before midnight every night. Sometimes as early as 10:30pm.
I have reworked my business strategy and got rid of a lot of un-necessary daily tasks. Feels great.
Had a very very very slight relapse this afternoon. A girl I know posted some naked pics on Instagram with her nipples covered. My business account follows her, so it showed up in my feed. Didn't look too long and didn't edge. I guess these moments are unavoidable in life.
Next update in a week.
So 60 days in no PMO and It's definitely been easier to wake up and I'm noticing more women and having deeper feelings. Still not really dating or going out with anyone. The financial situation is still not good but this month was the best one in over a year. I need to look for a woman now and stop caring about my money and nosey family problems. If I don't, things will never change. I've accepted my nosey neighbors and this thuggish neighborhood. I"m smart enough to know I can only work on the things I can change this instant.
I exercised most morning this week. Really the next thing I need to improve--my physical well being every day and get myself in order on that front---diet and exercise. Fortunately I'm not fat, just flabby and out of shape.
Still working on cutting my technology addiction. Spending a lot less time online. Really thinking about the future life I want to live. Ideally, just want to have a business set up where I don't need a computer much and am around real people all day. I've come to the realization that I will never ever have a real office job again (to the big dismay of my parents who think it's the only way out of me being poor).
I have a new business plan for the next 60 days I'm putting into action which will require daily fieldwork. Should be fun and might produce great results by the new year. People are easy. Just listen and don't say your opinion too much. Once you let people do all the talking you really begin to understand them and cater yourself to their interests and needs.
I had an interesting dream last night, about hooking up with a girl I knew a decade ago who was into me. We were alone, hiding in some closet and she was having trouble adjusting her sweater. I was touching parts of her body, they were rock hard. Like her boobs were like boulders. When I took off her clothes and we fucked, her pussy felt like plastic as I was inside her.
I woke up from the dream remembering this girl. She was so hot, a little on the thicker side but very nice proportions, just an incredible figure and woman to fuck and spend the night with. I feel like the dream was a metaphor, how porn is so nasty.
I suddenly really desired her softness to an extreme extent. I wish I never slept with her when I had the chance. It's a feeling I never had before to this intensity. Funny how in the dream she appeared so hard and unappealing but now in my waking hours she's all I can think about.
Day 64, I think I'm finally recovering and feeling a noticeable change. A really gorgeous girl (a 10) sat next to me at Starbucks today even though there were tons of other places to sit. I wanted to say something to her but just froze. But the thing is...I WANTED to talk to her. Things are getting better. I need to think less and just talk to girls. Not killing myself over it. Just going to keep going. As it's November 1st, I'm trying to start the month right with a good workout every day through the new year.
Around Day 68. Today I had to deal with the same drama from parents. Just going to focus on making money and health. Can’t let the negative people and thoughts occupy my brain. My parents are the main reason I want to leave this town. It’s still a goal of mine but now I’m just focusing on what I can control. It takes a lot of strength to turn off the unpleasant feelings. I want to be a completely independent man and make enough money. But I don’t want to be a corporate slave and have a boss. Will work on really trying harder.
68 days. Amazing! Shows that you're committed. Keep it up!
So the major thing I'm seeing currently is that ever sine quitting PMO, I'm actually sticking to my goals. Still far from perfect but this is giving me motivation to just continue and not give up. Thanks @Gilgamesh I know why so many people relapse. Because for hardcore addicts like myself, the recovery is painfully slow. We want that rush from looking at P.
I'm still battling confidence issues deep down inside about approaching women...mainly because I'm poor and my living situation is embarrassing. I no longer care about how I look like.
My living situation is slightly better--finally got a bed. But financially still in the red and barely getting by. I also can't stand my parents living so close and knowing every little thing I do. I envy the guys that can do whatever they want and remain more anonymous.
I'm working very hard on not caring about other people's judgment. I should just find any girl that wants to be with me and have consistent sex. I know sex with a real AND keyword NORMAL (non psycho) woman is the best healer.
Still a work in progress. I"m serious considering seeing a therapist about this and going through some CBT. There's no reason for me to delay and get any woman now to be intimate with. I just need to not be alone. At this point, I'm not even thinking about love.
I just don't want to create a fake persona to impress a girl. I don't want to hide my miserable financial situation from her or lie. But I also don't want to find a broke low class girl who just needs a place to sleep. So i guess my only two criteria for a girl now is that she has a decent job and isn't fat.
Continuing on my journey to heal. Small improvements are being made, but nothing to really brag about yet. I've cut out 2 complete pointless activities that I never really dedicated myself to anyway. I'm only focusing on my health, my business, and all the activities are just required to get by. It's much easier this way. By sticking to my plan, I am slowly building confidence.
Finally, after such a long time I'm truly beginning to focus on what matters. It's still hard and there are time killers and distractions every day. I'm fighting them.
Don't feel any real changes in my recovery. Day 79.
As I go to my side job every evening I see people on their phones on public transportation. It's really an epidemic. I am guilty of it too, but I'm really trying hard to not look. The day I can just not look at my phone at all will be a blessing. I hope I can find a girl who doesn't care about technology at all and is about more interactive things in life. It feels good to cut out a lot of extra stuff in my life. There's still a lot left I need to eliminate. Can't believe there are 45 more days to the new year. Need to make the most of them in regards to establishing a routine.
So No PMO has become easy. I don't even think about it anymore. I don't want to get into a false sense of security but I think I have it handled. HOWEVER, I have had terrible thoughts which I know can be a trigger. I'm just not progressing as fast as I'd like. My business is still not going anywhere and I have to eliminate a few more useless things I spend time on.
Not giving up. Wish I had something exciting to report, but nothing interesting is going on in my life. My financial situation is still really bad, fortunately have enough for my expenses through January but have absolutely no free money. Every penny is allocated towards necessary things.
So I only have to do two things in my life: Improve my health (which includes finding any decent woman for now) and busting my ass so my business takes off. It's better than being stuck in an office.
Last night, I was itching all over, might have been from something spicy I ate.
I had a restless sleep because of the itching. I even woke up in the middle of the night to take a hot shower, which helped a bit. When I woke up in the morning, I Mo'd. Surprisingly, the itching stopped afterwards.
So my 84 day streak of no masturbation is a new record. But the main thing is I have absolutely no desire to watch Porn and I'm actually getting repulsed by it. I only want real women in the flesh. So I'm not going to reset my counter. My ultimate goal is working and that's not using any forms of digital stimulation.
I think MO'ing once ever 90 days is okay as long as there's no digital stimulation.
Well, days 84 to 89 were bad. I looked at P a few times, out of sheer boredom. It was weird. As soon as I typed I could control it in this forum I got this false sense of security. And considering how slow my recovery was going I PMO'd a few times these past 5 days. Addiction is a weird thing. It's always there, in the back of your mind. It's amazing how easy it is to fall of the wagon.
I was pretty repulsed by the porn as I opened up one of the tube sites but started watching my old favorite videos anyways... So there is definitely rewiring happening. A bit regretful I couldn't keep going with my no PMO.
Not very upset at myself.
Restarting the counter today and focusing immediately on finding a woman, instead of waiting for recovery to happen on its own.On a good note, making huge progress on my business and developing the website.
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