Focus on Less Things

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ClimbXR, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I think the trick with achieving goals is to remove a lot of un-necessary tasks and wants that linger in the mind. So today, as I begin a complete reboot (after many many unsuccessful tries) I've decided to really focus on less in life. That includes talking less about what I'm thinking and just working towards my two goal of having a business and being physically fit.

    I've paid attention to most unsuccessful people and most have a common trait: they waste time on things that don't bring any value. I will try hard to notice when I begin drifting towards waste and focus on the goals above. I'd like for the majority of the day to be spent on things that improve my life.
     
    mindingmymind likes this.
  2. themammothrept

    themammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Yep declutter your life. Pay attention to only the important things. I'm currently in this process as well, as a fellow journier, I wish you luck!
     
  3. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    thank you @matthewmammothrept

    Day 1 has ended. I am trying to just do my most important tasks done. It's definitely not easy and I'm still wasting time. But at least I'm aware when I drift and try to stop it. I'm prioritizing to do the most difficult things before noon every day no matter what.
     
  4. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Day 2 has ended. Didn't do as much as I planned but I don't feel too bad about it. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm trying hard to not let my emotions control me. Based on extensive research, a balanced diet and exercise routine help strengthen the brain. Meditation as well helps. I didn't do much of either. But I feel like things are only going to get better as I have eliminated a lot of pointless goals I was not really focusing on with complete effort. I edged a little bit in the afternoon but no PMO.
     
  5. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    You are so right in what you say about removing un-necessary things from our lives and start focusing on what's iportant. I wish you good luck in your journey and welcome to the forum! :)
     
  6. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Day 5 is ending soon. I am trying hard to not waste time. Still a lot of work to be done. I've decided to keep my cell phone shut off and only turn it on once a day in the evening to catch up on everything. The hardest thing for me to have done was to just eliminate certain goals I had (in my long list of things) to focus on what needs to be done immediately. I finally have two goals that I feel will greatly improve my life once they are achieved. All is left is for me to stick to my plan and drive my goals to completion.

    Also feeling slightly better when I wake up.
     
    Living likes this.
  7. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Day 8 has ended.

    A family drama has taken up a great deal of my time. In the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal but my parents are dwelling on it too much.

    I'm realizing I need to wake up at 4am and get my important goals out of the way. I also need to start being more busy so people value my time.
    Don't really feel any change from non PMO. Judging from my previous reset my flatline can be over a month...it's hard to say. I'm very patient and am trying hard to incorporate more exercise and sleep in my life.
     
  8. Living

    Living Active Member

    I think this is a very good approach. I see a lot of guys on here that are really enthousiastic and motivated about making changes in their lives and want to change everything at once. I've tried to change way too many things in the past too and what usually happens is when thing doesn't go the way you want to and then another thing goes a bit wrong, it just all collapses. Often these are things we have difficulties with or things we are not used to and therefore these are things that are not that easy to change. Nowadays I prefer to stick to one ore two things too. If you want to learn to juggle you should start with three balls, not with seven;)
     
  9. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    @Living, love the juggling analogy. Today I was finally able to put out the fires in my family drama. So back to focusing on two things.

    Last night I was feeling really stressed out while I was trying to go to bed. So I MO'd. I'm not sure if I would label it as relapse but it's a small setback.

    Feeling much better today and continuing on my plans.
     
  10. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I made a vow to just talk less to everyone and to have more actionable outcomes through my words. I decided to only look at my cell phone once a week.

    Focusing hard on my two goals which are rather basic but very important: make money through my business and find a woman to be with. Everything else is not worthy of reacting or really worrying about. Of course, I'm also working on health, which I have incorporated into my life(sleep, exercise and diet).
     
  11. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    work on your business, your health and Friendships. These three will help you find a woman. When I search for a woman, it doesn't work so well.
     
  12. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    May I advice you a good book about that: the power of less (Leo Batauta)
     
  13. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    @Outsider., I will check it out! Thank You!

    Talking less is working well. The business is growing and I am dedicating more time to improve its deficiencies. I'm still getting distracted by family but am able to reign in focus much faster. For personal and financial reasons I have to work at home (parents) so I need to learn to manage the distractions. Essentially I only need 6 hours of no interruptions a day to get everything done. If I can begin at 4AM it will be very easy.

    Still failing at waking up early but continuing to try. I know if I can just get into a better rhythm of early work, I'll get much more done every day.

    A few thoughts:

    -I had urges last night while trying to go to bed but was able to control them. I was getting vivid flashbacks of certain porn scenes I looked at earlier this year.
    It took a lot of will power but I realized that I simply was not physically tired (will exercise more). I truly miss the days when I was younger when I would get into bed and be asleep almost instantly. I was constantly running around doing a million things and never had a second to think

    - I'm dealing with neighbors/friends who waste my time (on the phone and on the street) by politely cutting them off and telling them I have to go. Before, I had a lot of difficulty doing this and would end up waiting for them to finish a thought. I realize time is truly the one thing we can't buy or replace if we don't manage it. So I stopped caring so much about how I feel.

    - A good book I recommend to everyone is F*ck Feelings.
    It puts a lot of things into perspective for those of us who feel that we are not achieving anything in life.
     
    Outsider. and staythecourse like this.
  14. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Being able to accept un-necessary emotions that don't lead to changes in the quality of life is a very strong skill to master. Still struggling to quickly accept the feeling and move on. I wasn't able to wake up at 4am today but was up at 7am and did a decent amount of work. Now I'm being distracted by family screaming at me for being a loser.

    In 90 days my main goal now is to get the business back to profitable so I have enough cash flow to begin planning to get far away from my parents. I've been stuck with them for almost 4 years (ages 30-34), doing odd jobs and losing focus on my true life goals of being completely independent. It's been misery but completely my fault for being lazy,(mainly because the extreme PMO made me lose all motivation and desire to do anything).
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2018
  15. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Working on the business. As I rewire, I am just going to go out more to be around real women. So there...the two goals in a nutshell.

    In regards to talking to women the biggest thing I can change is always being confident regardless of how crappy my life is at the moment.

    I really want to avoid conversation with my parents (limit it) because it is so draining.

    I have a wedding of a friend's to go to in 2 weeks. Trying to get motivated, hoping to talk to women there.
     
  16. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Let it be natural..like if you go up to a girl at Starbucks at a table..its kind of good..sure you are walking up to someone, walking through your fear..but at the same time I feel as though its forcing/creating..vs. naturally talking to someone next to you in line..a lot of the time the universe does the work for us.
     
  17. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Tomorrow is April 1st and I will begin my official count of no PMO. Even though I've been pretty good since March 17 (only two MO) and a little edging I want to really keep track. Most reboots I've cheated by edging. And the longest I've ever lasted was 50 days.

    Also beginning to workout seriously by incorporating high intensity calisthenics.

    It feels so good to talk less with annoying people and give short answers to everything, remaining a mystery. Business is going well, working as hard as I can.
     
  18. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Great to hear. No PMO will change your life.
     
  19. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Trying to keep as busy as possible and working on my present goals...but still wasting tons of time.

    Its hard to change old habits. At least I’m not PMOing.

    Once I’m truly busy with a life purpose I’ll stop thinking of all the past things I said or did. I’m realizing I need to force myself into a serious routine and go to bed super tired.

    Also continuing to speak less.
     
  20. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Hi,I enjoy your journal. Forward movement is slow but when we look back can be tremendous. So, I've studied this topic of women way too much but a couple things:

    1) They will never truly fill us up. Maybe the first 6 months when life is exciting with them, but then we are back to where we are. We need our life purpose, our career, our social life, our goals, etc.

    2) Once we find our career, our purpose, we are at ease and enjoying life, and truly enjoy being single, the woman will come. The key is finding that purpose and driving towards it.

    So, I'd say your goal of purpose/focus,career is good. Go out and socialize and have fun, but dont "search" women out too hard, or expect they willfill you up and make everything ok.

    Question: What is your business? My struggle is I have been teaching tennis for five years now. I have a bunch of lessons and make good cash doing it. But Im pretty bored and not too filled up doing it. Its a great second cash job, but not really my career or purpose. I feel until I figure this out and really find my way, the woman won't come along, and this long period of being single will continue on.

    Thanks
     

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