First Round 1.5 Years, Relapsed, Round Two (Forever)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by mhodgman50red, Nov 9, 2016.

  1. mhodgman50red

    mhodgman50red The time is now.

    I learned a lot during my 1.5 year first round, and than my relapse.

    This information is my experience, and honestly has been different in some cases then some of the other blogs I've read.

    The ONLY two things that have kept me on track (fully) during the 1.5 year go of no PMO:
    - Using this site to stay accountable
    - Writing a statement of my intent and signing it, and giving clear, severe consequences if this is broken.

    No porn for me is extremely important for three reasons:
    - Not being able to perform, especially at a relatively young age, for any reason in my control such as PMO is pathetic
    - Porn slowly changes your mind in a negative way. I want to enjoy all life that has to offer without this addiction and without the emotional consequenes.
    - Outside of any consequence this has to myself, it is morally wrong. I truly believe that, and taking a major step away from porn and into a real relationship showed me how unrealistic a pornographic - like relationship truly is.

    Feel free to read my story on my older blog. It's pretty typical. However there are a few things that make my situation unique. I took Accutane twice between 2009 - 2010. Heavily regret that if it had any correlation with my issues. A few months into this first round of no PMO, with major job changes and an intense relationship I had what I can only conclude was some sort of panic attack / anxiety disorder start out of no where on May 13th, 2015. I thought nothing could be worse then sexual problems, but honestly that was. I still deal with dizziness/vertigo from that day and higher anxiety, but with counseling, a (now) low dose of Zoloft, I am able to keep it under control enough to be able to enjoy life without such a feeling of doom. Last summer was the roughest time of my life, though. If I thought I was flatlining before, man was I wrong. Girl broke up with me, and somehow met my current girlfriend of almost 1.5 years. That really helped me through that time. My only reason for bringing up the anxiety disorder is that I'm unsure if / what this no PMO had to do with it. It could have just been one more stressor.

    I would highly recommend finding other activities to keep you busy / mind occupied when you give up PMO once and for good. Replacing the time with just surfing the web or TV is not a good alternative and leaves you more vulnerable. I filled my time with an insane work load which actually worked against me in developing my anxiety disorder.

    At my worst, I would ejaculate with a flacid penis. The feeling of this was so demeaning and made me feel like a completely useless human being. This was after about a month of trying this whole no PMO thing out and then jerking off at the end of it. FOR ME (I repeat, FOR ME), I discovered that MO is a better option then nothing, because when I do nothing for weeks on end my penis just doesn't get fully hard until I ejaculate a couple of times. So, I masterbate a couple of times some weeks, and some weeks not at all. For about 9 months I was not masterbating at all, living with my girlfriend and having good sex.

    I moved across the country, which overall was a solid move, but the distance and some accidental ASMR discovery led me right back into porn. I was ashamed, but at the same time it felt so awesome/awful at the same time to splurge in it.

    Literally a couple of weeks later, I visited my girlfriend and could neither stay hard nor ejaculate. This was extremely frustrating, and hadn't happened in a very long time. However, it did give me some solid insight into just how much PMO effects me. This shatters doubts that PMO truly is causing most of my ED.

    Just a side not as well, if you are a virgin, or havn't had sex in a long time, one night stands are probably a terrible idea. For me anyways, I have bad anxiety anyways so the first time I get intimate it's less likely to go well. But when we try again (and I'm not PMOing), I can have successful sex.

    Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to throw a few of those other factors in here. I'm looking forward to that point I hit last year where I just never checked this thing because I didn't see the need whatsoever. I feel like once you hit 6 months or so it truly is your lifestyle and you just don't feel the desire to lock yourself in a room and masterbate to random women.

    I'd like this to be the end of my and everyone elses heres' pain. Here's to two days no PMO.
     
    hunk703 likes this.
  2. mhodgman50red

    mhodgman50red The time is now.

    Third day, not bad. Not a struggle, I did wake up with morning wood after a good dream and O'd when I woke up. Friend sent some topless pic to me and I clicked away. Feeling good.
     
  3. mhodgman50red

    mhodgman50red The time is now.

    Went on a little binge today... Starting over.... Yet again
     
  4. shattered

    shattered Member

    I am back after a long time away. You and I corresponded before. Convincing me that my condition is due to excessive MO and not accutane helped me more than you'll ever know.
     
  5. mhodgman50red

    mhodgman50red The time is now.

    Hey man,

    I just seeing this now. That means a lot to me that wrote that. It still rings very true, it was definetly not the Accutane. I hope all is well!

    Matt
     
  6. shattered

    shattered Member

    Wow, it's been a few years. All is well!
     

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