First Post

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Time for a change, Jan 25, 2021.

  1. Time for a change

    Time for a change New Member

    Hi all,

    I signed up today as I feel my porn addiction is having a massively negative impact on my quality of life. Every now and then I'd browse this site but I never thought I'd have the courage/willingness to post.

    I'm 35 and have been watching porn since I was in my late teens. I watch porn every night and it isn't uncommon for me to watch porn for 5 hours+ on any given night. 2 hours would be a short time spent on porn at night. I edge and don't allow myself to ejaculate for hours. Sometimes doing this twice in one night.

    Below are some of the issues porn has/may have caused me:

    - when I lost my virginity at 20 I wasn't able to sustain an election.
    - the only women I ever loved left me after 4 years and I believe my inconsistent elections didn't help. I would masturbate every night and would try to allow 3 days to recharge before meeting her. This wasn't healthy behaviour. She was aware porn caused my inconsistent erections. I have done this in my following relationships - trying to leave 3 nights with no masturbation before meeting up.
    - I needed an operation as I had a urethral stricture. I believe this was caused by years and years or edging on porn. It has since come back as my habits didn't change. The other day I was literally unable to urinate at all after an 8 hour edging session! This massively scared me.

    I've pretty much accepted that this is part of my daily routine despite how much id love for it to change.

    The reason I'm posting now is that I've been having constant morbid thoughts which is preventing me from being able to enjoy any moment of my life. I believe the pandemic has been a major factor in me feeling this way but wonder if my porn addiction is also contributing to my negative thought process. Is this possible?

    I just want to escape this negativity so I can enjoy my life. Its preventing me from sleeping. The only thing that switches me off from negativity at the moment is when I edge on porn.

    This message is basically a cry for help.

    Thanks in advance for any replies I may receive.
     
  2. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    I'm no doctor, but while that is quite a bit of edging, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that edging caused a urethral stricture. What did the surgeon that performed the procedure say the cause was?....I would be focusing on that. Maybe you have an undiagnosed problem like BXO or a prostate issue.

    But if the inability to urinate comes and goes based on edging, I'd be more inclined to think it is a pelvic floor muscular tightness caused by constantly flexing your PC muscles for hours while edging. I don't think strictures just come and go.
    Again, not a doctor. But I'd be going to see one (the one that performed that procedure). Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
  3. Time for a change

    Time for a change New Member

    The ability to urinate has become worse over time.

    A few weeks ago I spent 4 days masturbating almost constantly and at the end of it I was unable to urinate at all. Over a period of a few days (and no masturbation) this slowly improved and now im at the same level I was at previously which is being able to urinate but with a weak flow.

    Because masturbation (I assume) caused the block I wondered if the entire issue itself was caused by masturbation.

    I will go to see a doctor about this but at the moment my main concern is my mental health. Which is why I wondered if there is a link to my constant negative thoughts and my addiction to porn.

    A part of me is in denial about my addiction.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
  4. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    That’s pretty rough, man. Sorry for you.

    As you probably already know, many of us, on the forum, are not enjoying life so much either. I mean, we would not have watched that much porn if everything was fine in our lives. I was also edging to porn on a regular basis not too long ago. Like you, I would do that to forget about everything and feel good for a moment. All this to say, you’re not alone, man. I’ve also went through a very dark period a year ago. It lasted for around 6 months, and I seriously considered killing myself many times riding those months. I knew exactly where and how I would do it. Sometimes, I was feeling so bad, I had shivers all over my body, really bad shivers. Other times, I would get drunk in the afternoon and take anxiolytics to ease the pain. It was a really shitty period.

    The good news is that this emotional state can eventually pass. Even if you feel there is no hope, and that living is an awful and painful experience, it can pass. For me, things slowly got better as time went by. Don’t get me wrong, I am still far from being a happy and fulfilled man... But I no longer feel this way, even when I have a bad day. It can pass, man. Hold on. Of course, trying to improve your life is probably the best thing you can do to stop feeling like this all the time. It takes time, though. But it passes. Good luck, man.
     
  5. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Hi,

    I too have been in a similar situation. I’m ashamed to say but I have excessively masturbated and caused damage to myself because of it. It’s better now after not excessively masturbating.

    had many instances where PIED had a negative impact on a situation with a girl. Not being able to get it up is bad for both people.

    bad mental health was I think directly related to my porn use. Whenever I have binges or can’t stay away from porn I have lots of negative and suicidal thoughts.

    I am not completely better by a long way, but went from PMOing 5, 6 or more time a day every day, edging for whole days. To now where these events are rare times and for the last year I’d say I relapse once every two weeks.

    I had to go to therapy to help me quite and have had to use content blockers to stop myself from being able to access P or P subs.

    it’s the most difficult think I’ve ever done trying to quite P, but even just cutting it down and staying away from it as much as I can has had a massive impact in improving my attitude in general and my life and relationships.

    you need some sort of plan to help you stay away from this stuff.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.

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