I don't even know what day I'm on, I actually started nofap in 2011 before it was called that! In late 2013 I tried to have a relatioship with a girl I was 30 she was my age, no matter how many times we tried I couldn't get it up. I went to the doctor and got viagra, this helped a little but still I had ED issues. So she broke up with me, told me she felt unattractive and hinted to her friends that I might be gay. What followed this was some of the worst pain I'd ever felt, I felt like I was a failure and my anxiety went through the roof. Maybe I was gay? Maybe I was this that and the other. I gave up on women completely and just tried to get on with life but still I never really got over that experience. So since late 2017 I started to work on my diet weight and stomach issues, I have some IBS so my diet needed a radical overhaul. Gave up alcohol and social smoking when I was drinking too and really started to try and look my best too. So fast forward to a few months ago, I responded to an ad online and ill spare people the details but she only wanted to do one thing. I thought hey its risky meeting someone like this, but she seemed like a nice enough lady and I told her to come around. Well to my surprise after a little fooling around and her putting her lips down there it was hard and it felt amazing! Im not really sure where im going with all this, but I guess its some sort of therapy to put all this out there. Im 37 in a few weeks, and I still have days where I feel shit about myself from all the past pain and porn abuse, have slipped here and there a long the way, but I think things might be starting to turn around. I started on porn in the dial up era when I was 13 and escalated to some freaky shit, I've actually never really had a proper girlfriend as things were either over before they started as they weren't that interested in me, or due to that past experience I had would make me nervous and I'd get scared. But I think if I can just see that things will continue to get better in regards women and relationships, the fear, self hatred and mindset that I'm a failure with women will turn around. Merry Christmas and Happy new year to all!