first ever successful bj

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by cal8333, Dec 18, 2019.

  1. cal8333

    cal8333 Member

    I don't even know what day I'm on, I actually started nofap in 2011 before it was called that!

    In late 2013 I tried to have a relatioship with a girl I was 30 she was my age, no matter how many times we tried I couldn't get it up. I went to the doctor and got viagra, this helped a little but still I had ED issues. So she broke up with me, told me she felt unattractive and hinted to her friends that I might be gay.

    What followed this was some of the worst pain I'd ever felt, I felt like I was a failure and my anxiety went through the roof. Maybe I was gay? Maybe I was this that and the other. I gave up on women completely and just tried to get on with life but still I never really got over that experience.

    So since late 2017 I started to work on my diet weight and stomach issues, I have some IBS so my diet needed a radical overhaul. Gave up alcohol and social smoking when I was drinking too and really started to try and look my best too.

    So fast forward to a few months ago, I responded to an ad online and ill spare people the details but she only wanted to do one thing. I thought hey its risky meeting someone like this, but she seemed like a nice enough lady and I told her to come around.

    Well to my surprise after a little fooling around and her putting her lips down there it was hard and it felt amazing!

    Im not really sure where im going with all this, but I guess its some sort of therapy to put all this out there. Im 37 in a few weeks, and I still have days where I feel shit about myself from all the past pain and porn abuse, have slipped here and there a long the way, but I think things might be starting to turn around.

    I started on porn in the dial up era when I was 13 and escalated to some freaky shit, I've actually never really had a proper girlfriend as things were either over before they started as they weren't that interested in me, or due to that past experience I had would make me nervous and I'd get scared.

    But I think if I can just see that things will continue to get better in regards women and relationships, the fear, self hatred and mindset that I'm a failure with women will turn around.

    Merry Christmas and Happy new year to all!
     
    EatMySleazyPancakes33 likes this.
  2. StoppingForGood

    StoppingForGood New Member

    Congrats man! Be confident in yourself and your dick and you’ll continue getting those BJ’s!
     
  3. cal8333

    cal8333 Member

    update! several successful hand jobs later and also now getting used to the female touch and form. If I can do this anyone can, I was heavily addicted from age 13 and suffered from severe ED. Keep going guys!
     
  4. UK Don

    UK Don Member

    Thanks for sharing your story! Congrats
     
  5. cal8333

    cal8333 Member

    Thankyou although I realise its something I will always have to be vigilant about, too many people are focused on having consecutive days and how their counter looks. Once you get into years of recovery, its more about overcoming fears and actually trying to have relationships regardless of ED.
     
  6. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    I don’t know about you but I am overweight. With that comes a lot of self hatred. With that comes the thought process as “screw this, I’m just going to live for the minute. It is a vicious cycle. I have been PMO free since New Year’s Eve. After so many time doing it I was always like you know that wasn’t worth shit. So, I want to take care of myself. I firmly believe that the only way I can be happy is to ditch the PMO and have a decent body. It is complicated but I had an epiphany while I was high.
    you
     
  7. cal8333

    cal8333 Member


    Yeah losing weight hasn't automatically changed things for me though, I still have a lot of self hatred which has been with me for a long time. I've tried everything really, I did get diagnosed by a psych with generalised anxiety disorder. But having tried anti depressants im really trying to avoid going down that path. But I also did turn this addiction into another way to attack myself which made me worse, by saying things like im a horrible pervert for flashing myself on webcam sites to random people.

    So that's the strange thing, we do this behaviour to help try and ease the pain from other external and internal problems, but then increase out feelings of self hatred and shame in the process. So its like cycle where you are just digging into a hole deeper and deeper.

    I guess my advice is try not to be so hard on yourself, and just see the porn as a thing that is slowly easing out of your life.
     
  8. cal8333

    cal8333 Member

    need to stay vigilant though everyone, as I allowed edging and webcam roulette sites to sneak back into my life. So far I have given up alcohol and cigarettes but nothing compares to this addiction.
     
  9. cal8333

    cal8333 Member

    I'm back on the horse now but I've realised ive been almost automatically been allowing myself to edge on webcams, thinking its more "real" and more like a real connection. This is not the case and is just the addiction finding new ways of creeping back in.
     
    axebattler likes this.

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