Findom / Femdom Addiction Recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by breaking_free, Oct 8, 2017.

  1. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    Thanks, I appreciate the supportive words about building up progress.
    In the beginning I was relapsing after every 1 or 2 days. It probably sounds silly to guys on here who are going several weeks without PMO, but from the dark hole I was in, I'm really proud of my 8 days.
    I'm definitely going to try and avoid beating myself up too much over this relapse. I see some people who go something like 10 days PMO free, relapse, then totally freak out, like they're back to step one. The truth is, if they went another 10 days, that's 20 days, with only 1 relapse! We've gotta look at this as a glass half full thing. It's all progress.
     
  2. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    Learning some lessons from my relapse
    --------
    So, having relapsed on the morning of day 9, my first reaction was "well, fuck everything". But I don't want to beat myself up over this. Because I've spent years hooked on this Femdom porn, and any attempt to remove it from my life was always bound to be difficult.

    So there were three big factors, thinking back, which caused me to relapse:
    • I had a weekend with too much spare time
    • By day 6/7 I had a surge in sex drive
    • I felt like complete shit on the day prior to relapse
    These 3 things added together laid the perfect foundations for a relapse.

    I'm starting to question a lot whether or not one of my personal goals should be to be totally "PMO free". I realise this works for a lot of guys, but everyone is different and for me personally I genuinely feel that had I of just MO'd (porn free) the day before, I very much doubt I'd of ended up back looking at all the Femdom stuff again.

    So I'm going to have a think about this. I may change my goal, to reduce MO as much as possible, but still allow it if the temptation to go back to Femdom gets too strong.
    I kinda view this as the lesser of two evils.

    I still want to significantly reduce MO, because I was noticing some definite positive benefits of doing that.

    If I do MO, my rule would be "no Femdom related fantasies". I would think about hot, vanilla sex with real women. My hope is that in doing so I'd achieve four things:
    • By eliminating porn, I remove myself from being exposed to material which escalates unhealthy fetishes
    • By significantly reducing MO, I benefit from increased energy and drive
    • By allowing myself the occasional MO, I prevent excessive urges which could lead to porn use - I'd view it as a "only when necessary" step to take
    • By MO to vanilla sex fantasises, I could help to re-wire my brain to connect arousal with those fantasises (rather than Femdom)
    Anyway, those are my thoughts for now.
    I've actually felt pretty good today, despite my earlier relapse. I've signed up to a gym- so I'm hoping the exercise will prove useful. I think the "crash" I experienced yesterday was probably my brain desperately needing a dopamine kick, so I need to find ways to address that issue in future.
     

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