Finding a way forward

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by cjm, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 2

    today i had my first ever date from approaching women in the day

    it was really good. Turns out she was closer to my age, which to be honest is not what i usually go for nowadays, but she was really lovely, very good looking, elegant and intelligent. Spent about 8 hours together, which passed very quick. Disregarding A this is the best date ive had in over 2 years - nice drinks and dinner, kissing and affection

    also she was very open about being keen and her enjoying herself and about wanting to meet up again - which is refreshingly different

    the most astounding thing was how quickly i felt better about the A situation - instantly

    I hope to see her again :)

    I also had a piano lesson today woth my new teacher, she is so cool and such a good piano player. Just wow. Had the lesson at the local jazz club

    Lets not stop pushing for what we want guys. keep on keeping on
    Londoner likes this.
  2. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 3, i did M today but im ok with that every few days or so atm

    very hungover today, for the first time in a while. not productive at all, couldn't get out of bed until late in the afternoon, at least i got some cleaning done, and finaly dragged myself out for a run at 9.30 in the eve

    im noticing my self discipline hasn't been as good the last couple of weeks, time spent on music and genreal enthusiasm for it has been slipping a lot, partly because ive been pursuing dating again, which can be quite time consuming, and also tends to take up a fair bit of head space for me. hopefully its just a little natural "ebb and flow" going on and ill get fired up about it all again soon. I tend to be a little obsessive and it can sometimes be hard for me to maintain strong interests in lots of things at the same time.

    having said that i have been hitting my exercise targets and eating well (although today i dint eat that much as i was too hungover)

    should have a date with S from last night next week, fingers crossed. should also have a date with N tomorrow. only problems is they live verrrry close together (as i met them on the same high street) so if it goes ahead i might try and miss the usual drinking spots to decrease the chance of bumping into S

    it went well last night. I "dropped the ball" once or twice, mostly due to being quite drunk but for the most part it seemed like a very good evening
    TheScriabin likes this.
  3. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 4

    today i had my second ever date from daytime approaching

    funnily enough even though this girl was hotter and about 5 years younger "on paper" i much more enjoyed the date with S and even at times found this one a bit boring. Sometimes she was just talking, talking about herself almost to herself telling some stories that i found a bit boring. To see her from a distance i think "wow" but actually talking together for a while it doesn't seem like there is so much chemistry

    The common "scene change" thing i often do during a date didnt seem to work so well, actually the energy decreased when we got to the next place, even though i tried to keep it up

    I think part of it comes down to how much the girl is into you, and happy to express that. A girl that's into you, touching you, who's eyes light up when you talk, who you connect with intellectually - that's the real magic

    I do hope that S didn't see us

    I might send her a non committal text tomorrow or maybe ill just leave it

    I could have been practising piano instead.................

    however did a good gym session, up to 4 x 8 130 kg dead lift and went to visit my grandma
    Last edited: May 19, 2019
    TheScriabin likes this.
  4. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    ^^I’m similar, I find balance very difficult to achieve. But I think, especially where women are concerned, you can allow yourself the freedom to enjoy getting out there and accept that your usual routine/interests might be put on the back burner for a while. That is when life is most beautiful after all, when we create new experiences that mess with our every day lives. I’ve been pondering the idea recently that all habits are bad, even good ones! So anything that feels different is good. I noticed my cold shower/fitness/breathing routine was making my daily existence a bit repetitive and tedious. It’s just a thing I do, and I like it, but it isn’t exactly going with the flow of life, it’s just another itch to scratch each day. Going with the flow is a more difficult art for me to master, but it sounds as though you are doing ok. Well done mate for getting out there and making some waves. :cool:
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
    cjm likes this.
  5. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    @TheScriabin thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement

    Day 7

    Good day working on music, the new track is coming together.... Slowly :)

    I did an approaching session on the way to work - my first one seemed to go pretty well and i got her no. Never know if she'll reply or not.

    Im looking forward to seeing S on the weekend - atm things look positive as she is making herself available and initiating contact. I like her, but you never know what might happen

    N is away, as i wasnt so confident if she would want a second date, i left it that she should send me a hello on her return if she'd like to go out again :)

    Im on nights and i want to squeeze in a 5k row before resting time. Hopefully it'll be not too busy
    Living likes this.
  6. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    S sounds really cool! Hope things go the way you want them to go with her.
    cjm likes this.
  7. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 9

    feeling good

    as mentioned before, I don't want to watch porn atm because im excited about real women, so thats probably the key - for me. And when i do feel like watching it in the future, I wont have a problem with that

    I've nearly finished the book psycho cybernetics, its really good (although not an easy read)

    Training has been really good the last few weeks, I think its the weather - I feel so much more energised generally when the whether is good. In fact out of the last 8 days (my working week) I trained 6 of them

    I've been doing some "off the cuff" approaches - I did one this morning, after nights in my shorts and not looking great - it didnt go well but the worst you get it is "sorry I have a BF" and I really like it as its no games, no BS you're just being direct with the girl, saying to them "i like how you look and i want to talk to you"! I got a reply from the nice looking girl the other day, lets see if we can set up a date

    I've been involved with just one woman (A) for so long now, who has had the upper hand, who has held herself back, and for whatever reason hasn't wanted things to progress further. To use somewhat cliched metaphor, i've been a little bit like a dog waiting around for the occasional scraps thrown my way. Im trying to change my mindset, as thats a pretty shitty place to be and it doesn't make sense when the world is full of beautiful and interesting women

    Seeing S on sunday which im really looking forward to. Meeting my friend of Monday for final mixdown of our first track

    Im grateful for how far i've come emotionally since i started this journal. I read back on the early entries and i dont even feel sympathy for myself, I just want to say "man up dude"

    I continue to by inspired by people around me, and I hope that i may in turn also inspire others, even in a small way. That's what makes people so great :)
    Thelongwayhome27 and Living like this.
  8. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 12

    I did have a no fantasy M today, after about a week of no O i really felt the need to let out the pressure and im ok with that, It actually felt like such a huge relief

    date with S went well, she came back to mine but wouldn't stay over as it was only date 2, and I think she is a bit traditional, but thats ok had some nice affection on the sofa anyway, and date 3 lined up for next week

    I guess every "relationship" with each different woman is unique, and after you get used to one, others seem different and can seem disappointing in some ways, but I think its important to remember to look st both sides. For example with S it seems like we have a great connection intellectually and can talk for ages. Hopefully we will have sex soon! Also imortant to remember, for me, that it usually takes a while to have the best sex with a person :)

    I've deleted A's number, if we are going to meet up again its on her now, but as time goes on since i saw her last i feel better, very similar to how i imagine a crack addict might feel experiencing withdrawals. So lets be honest, its not a healthy situation :)

    my friend came round, we didn't get the track mixed. Its so hard, especially as im not used to live bass. This track has been going on for over a year now and still not finished! wow
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Im on day 1 today, i had a short P session on the webcams and although i didn't MO, i went off and MOd after so resetting my day count

    Now im doing, and have been doing pretty well and feeling good - however its time for some uncomfortable truths

    Although i wouldn't say im addicted to P at all, there is one cam girl that im totally addicted too. She has been offline for a couple of months which has obviously made it easier not too watch her

    On closer examination, the reason i like her so much is that she reminds me a lot of A, both physically and in her kinky attitude

    Also, i am pretty addicted to sex with A, even though i realize it's now an unhealthy situation for me psychologically - verging on destructive. It went from red hot a couple of weeks ago to stone cold almost overnight, and at times i feel compulsively compelled to contact her even though she made it clear she is not available for some time.

    Its the classic situation of being attracted to the unavailable. Even not speaking for 6 months didn't seem to resolve things for me...

    All i can do is leave her alone and focus on building my life and meeting new women, hopefully i will find one/some where we have incredible chemistry like i did with A, but a healthier dynamic between the 2 of us

    I think it'll be difficult for me to stay away from the cams, but i must try as i don't want to ruin my chances with the REAL women!
    Last edited: May 30, 2019
  10. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 2

    i found myself very tired today, so just had to relax and nap before my night shift this evening, no energy for productive things, which is a shame, but there we go

    I think its good that i have admitted to, and written down the things i talked about above. Today i blocked my desktop from my usual sites, of course I can get round it, but it will stop me form making any compulsive quick decisions - which is good. I do know that my usual cam girl is back online, so it will be something of a challenge for me to stay away. I think I have a better chance now that i've admitted to the above to myself

    Since i saw A 2 and a half weeks ago, ive been experiencing some itchiness down there, which may be nothing or something minor, but of course it is something of a concern so I will get myself tested next week

    On a positive, yesterday i found out that ill br moving stations, after 10 years at the same place! A new start, new team, new managment, new area. So much has happend over the last 10 years, and I hope the next chapter of my life will be a positive one

    Meanwhile the dates keep rolling in, which is a good thing :)
  11. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 3

    this morning i had a really solid MW, which is reassuring

    interestingly this demonstrates that any ED is purely psychological (as I already know in my case due to a Doppler test a couple of years back)

    had a few hours sleep at work last night, and glad to see that i feel less tired and better mentally today, so after a short nap today i hope to be more productive then yesterday

    If in honest with myself i still have some thoughts of A wizzing around my brain, but I know in time they will fade, or be replaced :) I will try not to fall in Love/get addicted to the sex of a woman who is not fully "available" again lol

    date with S on sat, with S2 on Sunday with L on Tuesday

    S does text me a lot, which TBH i kind of like. Perhaps my "attachment style" favours regular contact with a person. I do find it reassuring

    interestingly when i tried to picture mental images of my goals last night i couldn't - either i was tired or there is some mental block.

    hope everyone is well

    Last edited: May 31, 2019
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  12. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 4

    very busy night shift, and as i didn't sleep in the day yesterday, i feel very tired this morning

    i'm quite proud of myself, in that i got in the gym about 10.30 pm last night, session got interrupted by a call out, but i finished it once we got back, However i hurt my lower back lifting sandbags, nothing too major i hope - ill rest it for a day or 2 - cant afford to be missing training as its so important for my physical and mental health.
    I was venting some serious aggression in there and also vocalizing the aggression - which feels good. This makes me wonder if i should vent, express myself in other areas of my life more. Sometimes i feels like i save it all up for the gym (or sex lol)

    if im honest, I am a little distressed emotionally by the situation with A currently, although I think its a situation of my own making, and my own psychology that is causing me the distress. I dont know what I can actually do to make myself feel better. An open chat might be the best answer, and I think there is only one possible outcome to that.

    hopefully I will manage to sleep today, and feel more positive in time to go for dinner with S
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
  13. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Day 5

    I feel rested and calm today, had a nice lie in in my own bed

    Nice dinner with s last night, went back to hers and although she doesn't want to have sex yet, very nice cuddling and kissing on the sofa which was very soothing. I have to give myself some credit for making this happen from a "cold approach" which i still much prefer to online dating. Hearing her start to moan and get aroused, and start to open up and be receptive is quite a beautiful thing

    Again i noticed how given some female attention i instantly forgot about A.

    I purposely have less planned on my 4 off this week, its good to have some me time to work on music, myself and my flat

    Im committing to 2 gym sessions, and one solo approaching session, probably tomorow
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
    Living and TheScriabin like this.
  14. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Just a question: why the approaching sessions? I mean, right now you are dating with several women, one that seems to have at least some potential for you. But in one of your previous posts you mentioned that you hoped S wouldn't be seeing you a date with another women. Because you said she was traditional chances are she might indeed not like that. I'm not saying you should not take that risk, but I don't really understand why you would take that risk. I mean, I can understand that the approaching sessions and the dates might give you a good feeling, but is that all that you are looking for? I don't know, perhaps I'm just too much of an old school romantic fool:)
  15. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    You perfectionist you!! Any progress with the bass since you posted?
  16. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    thanks dude. yes there has been real progress on the bass - things sounding a lot heavier and more mordern sounding which are some skills i want to use for all our future tracks too! i can send you a clip if interested?
  17. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    hey man! thanks for your input :) well the situation you are talking about was when i had 2 first dates booked in on a Friday and a Sunday in the same area (where both the girls live) As it went well on the Friday with S i was just hoping that i wouldn't run into S on the sunday, which i didn't

    now ive been dating S for a little longer i wouldn't take the risk of either approaching or haing other dates in that same area. Im only dating S currently and we haven't got naked together yet, so im definitly wanting to keep my options open for now - if i can. Lets face it a lot of us men do not have the option for multiple options! Its not easy to have multiple high quality women interested in you at the same time. In terms of what i want, some i see fairly regularly and have fairly regular contact with, and have good sex with.
    Living likes this.
  18. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    day 1

    i had a lot of no fantasy Ms recently, plus 2 days of watching my usual cam girl once per day. I as very horny for a few day - but that's nothing to be ashamed of, we are men and it is natural :)

    i want to get back on a streak, not because i really care about porn because i would rather have real women in my life

    I really want to eradicate any remaining thoughts of A and really want to avoid this kind of situation again, one which is very familiar, of being involved with a woman who is not fully available to me. It just leads to pain and frustration. Again i wonder if this is a situation i subconsciously seek out. I believe so.

    I had a 2 day real fire course, which i was stressed about but passed, so am very relieved!

    Have lots to do before my night shift and want to do an apporaching session before work too :)
  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I know, I know. And I do pity you for that burden:) Nah, to a certain extent I get you mean and if this is what you want right now, by all means enjoy it!
  20. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    lol no what i mean is for most men, me inlcuded, its not an easy position to reach. I am not in that position now either tbh, just one, just saying its a place i'd like to be (although i have been there in the past)
    Living likes this.

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