Finding a way forward

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by cjm, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Before I met the woman who I later married I also had a few months where I took a break from women altogether. I believe it's a valuable and even necessary phase for most men, so we can learn to be comfortable on our own without being dependent on sex with a women or affection from a woman.

    Then we are usually (and ironically) better equipped for a possible relationship and its challenges, probably because we prioritize our needs and don't take shit anymore from women that use our desires to play games or manipulate or take advantage of us and we screen out unstable women
    cjm likes this.
  2. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    still doing well!

    psychologically i feel the best, and most healthy iv'e felt for a while

    this "checking out" of the world of women and dating seems to be doing me good, so i challenge the notion that you need a woman, or relationships, or even sex to be happy

    This is a new way of thinking for me, but ive pout so much time and energy into women over the last few years, its time to invest that energy elsewhere. I'd like to achieve something more tangible

    i feel like there is a little emotional residue left over from A (or poison Lmao), but its nearly worked its way out of my system, i will be careful in the future about becoming too attached to another woman

    So very grateful for my music project, its infinitely challenging and so cool to have different things to work on, now i'm amending the string arrangement - i just have to have confidence in my decisions

    so bloody cool!

    i did a test in the book "feeling good" which was very interesting and will talk about the results another time

    great to have time off my part time work, now i can concentrate on me, maintaining the flat, and music

    going to Australia in jan to visit brother
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2018
    Thebeg likes this.
  3. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    hello chaps!

    hope everyone is well

    as mentioned before, i will be posting less here, for now - as i suppose my core values and beliefs may not be entirely in line with those of this forum anymore :) Basicsally, I do watch porn now, and I MO most days, once. Usually i spend 10 minutes or so, wham, bang, then its done and i can get on with my life

    By allowing myself to do so whenever i want it seems to have taken the compulsion away, now i feel like "Porn? Whatever"

    just stopped by to say i doing well, and i hope everyone else is too

    Im scared to put it in writing as i feel like its tempting fate, but i feel good, really quite good - most of the time. I don't feel depressed anymore and the low mood just seems to come for very short bursts now usually when im tired or hungry lol

    actually what seems to have really helped for me, is

    A) taking a break from women and being happy being single. This i biggie. I really didn't realise how dependent on women/dating/relationships i had become. Its great to know i can feel happy within myself, without a woman. TBH i feel a bit negative about women and relationships and have a bit of "fuck that shit I don't need it or want it" attitude right now but hopefully that will dissipate in time. I'm in no rush to jump back in anytime soon. Right now, the further i get away from that world, and the more time is put between me and any contact with A, the better i feel.

    B) the book feeling good and taking an approach to life that i have much more control over my thoughts, adn therefore my feelings then i previously thought

    C)Hypnotherapy recordings. Ive actually stopped doing these now, i don't feel the need anymore - but for a while i was using them daily, then every 2 days

    generally im keeping myself busy with music, training and work. Im seeing friends just at the frequency i like - and tend to go out for dinner now rather than drinking - i feel no urge to go to bars or pubs and haven't had a drink for about 1 - 2 months. I hate to tempt fate, but i almost seem to have finally found some peace and acceptance within myself, at the age of 35

    my music computer died, so very busy first of all trying to fix it, then researching a new one. arrived today so im busy setting everything up - its a whole days work. i9 processor baby!

    im sure ill be dropping by from time to time, or if P gets out of hand, or if i cant stop or have problems when i eventually end up having sex again

    sending good vibes and love to everyone

    TheScriabin, Londoner and Thebeg like this.
  4. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Was wondering how you were doing mate, glad to hear you're doing alright.

    Maybe you'll switch things up again when you decide there's room for a woman in your life. Most important is that you feel happy.
    cjm likes this.
  5. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    I think having a MO often is ok but I would cut out any porn. The real harm to your brain,dick and life is the hours and hours of edging, creating so much dopamine for long periods is unnatural and where the damage is done but having just MO is more real and a good release for us single men.
  6. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    i don't do hours of edging, a 10 min quickie is what i do :)

    anyway im not here to defend porn - but i dont see a bit of Porn as such a big deal anymore, which is why i'm moving away from the forum for now

    anyway thanks for the replies chaps

    Ciao for now ! :)
  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    If porn is not a problem for you, it's not a problem. Period. This habit is very personal and complicated and depends on many circumstances whether it becomes problematic or not. Still looking forward to see your updates here!
  8. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    I think you figured it out. You say you only do 10 minutes and that's it. I think if I did porn once a month at 10 min. A pop, I would probably be much much better as well. I know that's a slippery slope for me though, where 10 min. Can easily turn into 8-12 hours, and that's where my anxiety begins and my brain chemistry gets fucked up from all the adrenaline and depleted serotonin/dopamine. Congrats on finding that balance.
    cjm likes this.
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Hi guys

    Well im here for some accountability for getting off the porn again. I dont have a problem with porn in any moral sense - its a practical matter - as i start to feel less bitter about women in general, and start to think ahead again to possible relationships, start to hope again - i know i have a better chance of performing well and having good motivation without porn - or at least with less of it

    I haven't seen A for about 5 month's now. Even though i still think about her pretty much every day - its time to move on

    Currently away in Australia. Its a beautiful country - being away from my normal routine comes with its own challenges. Not having my music to focus on, or work (to a lesser extent) gives me a lot more time to think, and the potential to spiral back into depressive thoughts is very real

    Also my mental focus has gotten worse and I've put on some belly fat - even though I've kept my training routine going well

    There are a lot if scantily clad and beautiful women around the place - I've had a few nice chats but nothing more - its got me thinking i want to get back in the game again

    One thing ive really realized - my "inner voice" or intuition is totally off when it comes to women. I often make bad decisions or make the wrong choice. Im considering doing the opposite of what my inner voice tells me - especially the reserved one that often says to me "no don't bother"

    Day 1
    Thebeg and Londoner like this.
  10. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Day 2

    Australia continues to be beautiful

  11. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    It's my last day in Australia - currently waiting for it to stop raining in Sydney!
  12. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Hey man. How was it? Im a couple if hours south from sydney atm. Shame we missed each other
  13. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Day 4

    I actually had a brilliant wank without fantasy yesterday - most satisfying lol

    I really think its time to stop fantasizing about A when i M - at this stage that isn't psychologically healthy so i going to include that and P in my count. - everything else is permitted

    I just have to hope i meet another kinky woman in the future and can experience sex that good and comfortable again

    Very nice being away, a pity im going home day after tomorow - but i feel pretty motivated to get on with things and start improving myself and music further

    Currently i really want to get back in "the game" again when i get home. I've been thinking about fear, which plays quite a big part when it comes to approaching women (especially in the day), amongst other things
  14. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Day 5. Beautiful nature here
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  15. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Hey mate, just logged on to see if any updates from you. Glad to hear you’ve been enjoying your holiday and appreciating the beautiful things in life.

    You’re so open and natural at chatting to people, as I’ve observed when I’ve been out with you. Just apply the same thing when chatting to women. They are missing out on you!
    cjm likes this.
  16. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    ah thanks mate, thats a really nice compliment!

    hope things are going well with your beautiful young GF :)

    hows things generally?

    i was going to text you about the strings, so hopefully we can have a crack at that soon :)
  17. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    I think im on day 7, slightly disorientated and jetlagged

    my frst day back was spent mostly sleeping, as i over slept by accident

    however i do feel recharged and ready to crack on with all the stuff I have to do

    I've been texting with a couple of girls i used to date, trying to get back into the swing of things

    Also, most notably, i just got a text from A where she called me "daddy" so it seems that we might be seeing each other again, and that she may feel the same way about our sex as i do

    hope everybody is well

  18. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Hey man, yeah looking
    forward to it. Let me know when you want to crack on with it.

    Edit: just removed stuff, don’t want to hikack your thread dude, and I must start focusing on positives. Of course there is always negative stuff, but I’m doing ok all things considered!
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
    cjm likes this.
  19. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Good to hear you're having a good time down under cjm. I heard that the backpack culture makes it quite easy to meet women, and as they're away from their normal (judgmental) environment, they are rather relaxed when it comes to things turning sexual.
    cjm likes this.
  20. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    hey dude

    nice one ill be in touch shortly

    well i think its good that you did that, not that i care at all about you hijacking my thread, you can write anything at all you like

    but i think it shows you are trying to "reprogram" the way you react to things, and sometimes that is all we can really do. After all, a lot of times, I believe thats what depression essentially is

    Having said that, if you ever are really struggling, do reach out to someone. Always welcome to get in touch if you need to

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