Hi all Thanks for having me here and for allowing me to share this stuff. Im 33 years old. Sexually abused as a child by the neighbour, first discovered porn at the age of about 13 ish and used that and masturbation to comfort and deal with difficult emotions. Ive had ED from about 15 ish onwards. It may have been compounded by a bike accident, although urologist said this was unlikely (this thought sticks in my head though) First sexual experiences all terrible, couldn't get it up. Had a 6.5 year relationship that ended around 2 years ago. This relationship suffered a lot from my ED, my use of porn and online sex cams and in the end even prostitution. I often found that i would rather watch porn than have sex with this partner. Although i loved her i didn't find her that attractive sexually Since being single ive dated and slept with several women, and was with a beautiful girl who i loved dearly for nearly a year. She just finished with me, and that has inspired me to try and make some positive changes. 99% of the time in the last 2 years i have been relying on cialis to have sex. With the last GF of nearly a year, she responded badly to my ED problem which resulted in increased anxiety. I dealt with this by taking more and more cialis to the point where i was overdosing 2 or 3 times maximum dose to ensure that i performed and kept her satisfied. My ED was a significant contributing factor to her leaving me. Although it hurts and i feel massively let down i do understand why this would scare her, she was very insecure and saw sex as a kind of "validation" I never told her i was on medication as i was too ashamed and thought she would leave me (which she did anyway) She collected her stuff last thursday, and ive been through the ringer emotionally - there's been a lot of tears and negative thoughts, even suicidal ones if im honest (not that id ever actually go through with it as killing yourself is not as easy a flipping a switch) I have been watching porn much less since having been with the last GF of nearly 1 year as i didn't want to mess up the relationship. Recently i have still been masturbating, quite compulsivity, often thinking about my ex, partly as a way to soothe the feelings of hurt and jealousy, etc. My goal is to completely abstain from masturbation and porn of any kind, reset, and see if i can bring back more natural erections such as morning erections, or erections that don't require porn or manual stimulation. I want to completely give up porn. I have wasted so much time, energy and money on porn and i recognise that this, and acting out sexually in other ways, is a destructive force in my life. I want to have a healthier, happier life and pursue my interests outside of work. Ultimately i want a healthy LTR with a loveable and beautiful women. I want my ED to get better, just in the last couple of months alone this ED has caused me so much pain.