1. oliverJ

    oliverJ New Member

    I am 17 years old and have spent the last year trying to fight a femdom addiction that has caused ED over things not related to femdom, and I fail every time to reboot after a sustained period of no PMO, my current attempt however to reboot started with an exceptional amount of Will power, after 5 1/2 weeks the will power that I have been so focused on maintaining finally started to give way, as I felt incredibly horny (to all kinds of material not just femdom) as well as feeling very submissive, and so I couldn't help but fantasize about it. And today I looked at some erotic stories and websites for a few hours, but before I let this turn into masturbating over any pictures or videos, I realised that I need some other way of stopping me from failing everytime as at the moment all I do is keep a diary every week of progress, and exercise to make myself feel happy,strong and dominant, as well as use all the will power I have (which have made an impact compared to previously just relying on will power) I think I can get away with not starting the count again as I haven't lost much desire, from just a bit of fantasising and reading material. Normally the cycle of the reboot normally goes like 3 weeks of absolute no feeling of sexual desire, untill it comes back fairly quickly at about 3 weeks and I spend about a week trying to fight it untill I give up by making some kind of excuse to go back into it and then spend a week of session after session almost continuously as I'm caught up in it not being able to escape the addiction untill eventually I lose all kind of sensation feel really bad about myself and then start again. So I'm asking for more advice on how to completely escape this as well as to be able to talk to someone I can relate to, I think I'm not far off but at the moment i'm on the verge of falling back into the abyss of the addiction. The problem is I start to find reasons why I should accept it and not try and fight it. Also, what worries me slightly is I had non sexual fantasies to be dominated by women when I was 8 or 9 over characters in books and on TV, so maybe for me this lies deeper than it does for most people. But to Sum up somebody help me!
     
  2. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Hey Oliver,
    Congratulations on the fact that you are trying to quit. You are doing great already.
    Don't focus on the reboot. Try to focus on positive things. Nice things that you enjoy. You should not even think about the reboot. I know it 's easier said than done.
    Keep writing your progress in your journal. But not only about the reboot. Put your feelings and include the general progress in your life. Like school, girls, hobbies, friends, parties.
    Another advice I have for you is: make a list with your goals. Print it out and put it on the wall.
    Good luck man.
     
  3. Lightning Man

    Lightning Man New Member

    I always cringe a little when things like this are cast in the mode of fighting rather than changing or adjusting. And the reason is that what you're dealing with is a part of yourself and it's hard to exist at war with yourself.

    Accept that you have inclinations toward that kind of material. So what you're trying to change (not fight) is what you're going to do about it. It might be helpful to you to chart what's going on in your life on any given day when you feel like indulging your fetish and begin to know the outside life triggers that send you toward this stuff. Then you can figure out how to deal with it without resorting to your fetish items first.

    Good luck and stay strong.
     
  4. Ocguy

    Ocguy Member

    Yea, this advice is pretty right on.. I've had the same fetish since I can remember. before I knew there was even a term for it.. way before the internet etc etc.. So you really can't fight it, will probably kill your libido if u dont' have anything associated with it..

    I've learned to harness it though.. I look at it as more of the courage to be vulnerable which actually takes more strength then being dominant. Also dom/sub thoughts can be softcore.. For example, Just looking at big breasts you can associate with power etc.. or nice firm thighs.. it doesn't have to be all whips, chains and pain.

    Usually people that take a lead role in life, ie CEO's etc, have submissive undertones when it comes to sex. It's the yin/yang of life. Just don't perv out on it unless you need to be somebody's toilet all the time. Controlling your masturbation will make you more horny so you don't have to go to such extremes to get off.
     
  5. oliverJ

    oliverJ New Member

    If I have natural inclinations towards this stuff, I'm starting to think It will be very hard if not impossible to change that, like a gay person can't stop being gay. Ocguy; i'm interested as to what you said about being drawn to a more softcore version of femdom maybe my best course of action would be to focus on having an inclination to normal girls who have slightly dominant features rather than anything extreme then I can get off and fulfill these urges without having to resort to such extremes. and Lightning Man and Panonymous I will try to take your advice on board, but the most difficult thing I find doing is to not even think about any femdom or the reboot when I haven't PMO'd for nearly 40 days, would a good solution to fantasise about a softcore version of it? (i.e firm thighed, big breasted girl)
     
  6. Ocguy

    Ocguy Member

    yea, i mean there is definitely some crossover appeal. Right? If you like dom woman then it's usually associated with power. Big breast is definitely a powerful thing. You have to let your mind fantasize all the things she could do with those breasts.. it doesn't take much imagination. I think every sexual act/ relationship there is always a dom / sub thing going on in both parties minds even if it's not talked about.

    When I was dating many girls I would train them to take the lead. So you can be dominant in the relationship but still play out your submissive fantasies.. it works just as well pretty much.. The key to this is to remember its just "games" fun. don't let it consume you or get too caught up in it..
    If you really find a true dominant girl and you fall in love, and really let go 100 percent, it will rip you to pieces if it ends..

    I've learned that the hard way too. You have to hold on to a part of yourself, no matter what. I think that is true in any relationship.. It might be 5 percent less fulfilling if you only give 95 percent for example, but you may need that 5 percent to rebuild yourself if it ends.
     
  7. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Oliver, the reboot process is the same for all of us regardless of fetishes or tastes. No artificial stimulation. No porn and if possible no fantasies.
    Try to go hard mode without M.

    When you meet a girl and you are genuinely attracted to her, you can discuss your fantasies with her in a relaxed way and you can experiment with them in real life and then you will discover your true sexuality. Because porn and fantasy is not our true sexuality.

    It is ok to have "peculiar sexual preferences" as long as they are not obsessive and as long as they do not negatively affect your life.
    In the case of femdom I believe that it is an exaggeration of some natural inclination you might have for more dominant girls. That perhaps your true sexuality is simply being attracted to girls with a strong character. Correct me if I am wrong.
    Trust the rebooting process and see where it will bring you.

    Btw, I don't see how firm thighed girls and big breasted girls are a softer version of femdom. Just drop the fantasies.
     
  8. Ocguy

    Ocguy Member

    that was just an example... It's not a fantasy it's an expression of his sexuality.. just like someone who is gay.. it's not really a choice. My point is that it doesn't have to be hardcore in order to get aroused..Isn't that what has lead to so many of our issues with PIED.. Escalation?

    Even the act of french kissing can be interpreted as a dominant exchange. Someone shoving their tongue down your throat.. doesn't have to be a strapon for example. I'm trying to help him understand it can be a feeling and doesn't have to be associated with an extreme "perverse" form of expression.

    But yes, trust the reboot process because it's much easier to get aroused from the more vanilla aspects of dom/sub. But those thoughts will never leave him fully. It's ingrained.
     
  9. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    It might be ingrained. And yes there is nothing wrong with it as long as it does not bother him and he is able to have good relationships.
    He can only experience his true sexuality, whatever it might be, when he is free from porn.
     
  10. Ocguy

    Ocguy Member

    yea
     
  11. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    And we should not forget... he is only 17... he still has to develop psychosexually. Although part is already done at this age, but not all.
     
  12. oliverJ

    oliverJ New Member

    thanks for the advice :)
     
  13. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    There's a thread in my profile for femdom addiction. It's under the "information" section then "find all threads".
     

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