Femdom, what if it's who I really am?

I'm 35 y/o male and have never been aroused by vanilla sex. The only thing that has ever sexually aroused me is when attractive women physically dominate me. And my fetish was there since I was about 5 years old and is not because of pornography (which I didn't start watching until I was 18)... actually, I have no idea why I have this fetish since I actually had a very good childhood without any traumas whatsoever...

So I wonder if it is possible to just ignore this fetish, and over time I'll be able to be attracted to vanilla sex for the first time?

 

So are you unmarried yet? And what are your future plans?

 

Ah, didn't realize I had a response so sorry this is a bit late...

I've never been married. I've just spent my entire life having wrestling sessions with women (which has been fine with me), and I've even been in videos for actual production companies (competitive mixed wrestling). I'm not sure if marriage would be a good thing since sex just doesn't do anything for me (and she'll probably want it).

So has there been anyone on here that had a "true fetish" (meaning unable to be aroused by anything else except their fetish) and was able to ignore it for long enough (and do whatever else needed to be attracted to vanilla sex) to finally be able to have regular sex? I actually love my fetish though and am not ashamed of it at all (except that it's kept me from a more normal life such as marriage)... but I still wonder if there’s some way I could re-program my brain to be aroused by intercourse (and pussy) even though those things have never aroused me...

 

Women are "down for anything" if they like the guy enough (meaning it's true love, and not just a convenience marriage)...

 

Written it in my journal but it also applies to this topic:

TL;DR: What is arousing in the fantasy land, doesn't necessarily have to be arousing in real life. I'm still trying to fix myself. Will try to reboot completely and will see how things change.

 

Do you feel the need to seek validation from women? If you do, get over it. You don't need their approval. Once you get over it, the whole femdom thing becomes a joke.

 

Thanks for your reply. I think that it is way more complicated than that.

 

Niskanen91 you can fix this by orgasmic reconditioning

Read here
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/i-feel-hopeless-not-hopeless-anymore-i-success.316685/

 

Any proofs of it working? And if so, why sexual paraphilias aren't being cured using this method?

 

Proof? Myself and many others

They actually are cured by this method (along with psychotherapy). It's called orgasm reconditioning. Just Google for it

 

6,5 years later I have to say that this post is about the closest to the reality as it gets when it comes to the kinky sexuality.

 

Hey @niskanen91 I'm in the exact situation as yours. Started masturbating to foot fetish. Then slowly shifted to imagining female dominating me and then one day watched femdom porn. Vanilla sex never aroused me. Same type of fetishes like yours.
Are you able to overcome this?

 

Hey guys. I have spent way too much time trying to figure out whether my fetishes are porn induced or innate. What they say about me, what do they mean, where they came from etc..

It's a waste of time, trust me. First of all completely eradicate porn (all artificial visual or auditory stimulation). Remove it not for 30 or 60 or 90 days. Remove it completely for 6 months at least minimum (actually for life). After you have removed it for 6 months, whatever is left or you are still aroused by are your innate fetishes. And once you remove porn for that long, regardless of what fetish you have, physical touch will arouse you. And don't worry so much about being vanilla. Work on confidence and being charming and overcoming your sexual shame and other hangups.

And lastly, if you are a confident, charming guy that has no shame about this submissive desires, believe me many girls will be more than happy to indulge you. But this is the key:

"If you are otherwise a dominant, self-confident and self-assured guy, pleasing such a man is something women love to do. If pleasing him, involves dominating him, for HIS pleasure. A lot of them will gladly do it and also enjoy it!"

However, in reality if you are a submissive guy who lacks confidence, is insecure etc.. they will want nothing to do with you regardless of what your fetishes or desires are.

Just my 2 cents from my experiences. Good luck!

 

Nah. In terms of arousal, vanilla doesn't compare to femdom tbh.

 

I've read your earlier posts and it seems to be that the root of your femdom fetish is in being raised by a mother with BPD and that heavy long-term consumption femdom porn caused it to escalate. When you were growing up you were simply accustomed to emotional cruelty and it made you feel deep down that you were unworthy of normal emotional intimacy. This may be something to work on with a qualified psychotherapist.

Women who sexually desire men who submit to them must be pretty rare. Emotionally sadistic women exist in greater numbers but that usually has nothing to do with sex.

I don't think too many women are willing to entertain their men's desire to dominate them in bed just to please them. Such a thing doesn't seem viable in the long term because such loss of dignity on part of a man tends to erode his value to his woman.

If a woman is a genuine sadist who derives sexual pleasure from dominating her submissive man, it doesn't follow that the two are mere fetish dispensers for each other. That is one of the rare cases where such a relationship can work. Bdsm is safe, sane and consentual. Not violence.

Most women are vanilla and hypergamous and are sexually repulsed by submissive behavior in men.

There is one form of very real power women, primarily attractive women, have in spades over the average man: sexual power. The sexual worth of an average man let alone a below average man is MUCH lower than that of the average women let alone highly attractive women. This is incidentally why a man usually must bring some other form of value to the table in a relationship. The recent explosion in the rise of the popularity of femdom coincides with the lowering of the dating/sexual market value of the average man relative to the average and above all attractive women in all developed countries even from its natural level that is caused by sex hormones. A lot of young women are able to have access to casual sex with highly attractive men without suffering from reputational damage mostly thanks to dating apps and partially because such behavior is encouraged to a degree these days. Getting used to great sex with alpha males when young an unattached or engaging in short-term relationships sets their baseline expectations at a level the guys they could actually be able to secure a stable long-term relationship with are unable to provide due to their lower level of raw sexual attractiveness. Playing the provider game is also more difficult than it used to be because most women work full time. In modern society, natural female hypergamy has gone into overdrive. Couple all of the above with the fact that all males are bombarded with images of physical female perfection everywhere. That leads to a lot of sexual frustration and feelings of inferiority among average and below average guys. That inferiority in terms of sexual power or dating/sexual market value is based is very real. The femdom phenomenon is largely about the sexual fetishization of that power imbalance.

In intimate relationships, most women tend to be submissive to their men because they seek men they consider to be in some important ways better than them. This is what female hypergamy is about. It does not follow that women are collectively inferior to men or that some women can be much more powerful than most men.

 

That's very true. But does take a lot of mental work to get to that point. It's definitely better in some ways not depend on validation by others although it's a very human thing to to need it.