Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Finally had a wet dream last night - feel great today.

    I'm right back in the zone now. I've cruised through today doing almost everything I wanted/needed to. I've planned tomorrow and it's going to be even better: plenty of exercise with others, completing errands, and eating cleanly.

    I've had barely any urges, and those I've had were easily dismissed. The urges feel like they don't really carry weight again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2020
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  2. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Had a great day yesterday but I received some bad news. I will find out how bad it really is tomorrow.

    Also had even more femdom dreams last night in which I pretty much relapse, only to wake up confused and then after realisation, relieved. These are not very pleasant and are quite frustrating as they feel as though they are holding me back, but as I said before I must just continue as though they never happened - all I can do is concentrate on the things I can control.
     
  3. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Had an interesting couple of days.

    The news I received on Wednesday had the potential to be awful, but ended up being more of an inconvenience (as I found out yesterday evening). In anticipation of learning the extent of its impact, I had a lazy day during which I didn't eat well, didn't exercise, and wasn't at all productive. Once all was revealed though, I instantly sorted myself out and made something of the remainder of the day. This shows me that even 54 days in I am somewhat at the mercy of my emotions. Not to the extent that I once was, but yesterday was a reminder that I have a lot of emotional growing to do.

    Today I woke up and made a point of enjoying my coffee without my phone. Instead I sat and let my mind wonder - I caught myself contemplating the next time that I would have a chance to meet the aforementioned girl, as this may mean that I can have sex / get validation / whatever. I reminded myself of two things.
    1. She is a very good mates ex (and in my circle) - it's not worth it.
    2. More importantly, doing so would not make me any more of a complete person. It would just mean I have had sex.
    For some reason this resonated with me today in a way that it never has before. I think it's because I've often heard others tell me the second point, but I've never come to that conclusion via my own chain of reasoning. I am in full control of all that I do, and have full capability of making myself the best version I can be, or, the most complete person I can be. This has nothing to do with anyone else, as they cannot grow for me. As Aussie_lad said, "don't count the days, make the days count". This is the best way to achieve personal growth. For me, this means working on confronting the highest priority tasks in my life first.

    Something else I've been doing generally over the past couple of months is trying to exercise control and mindfulness (the two seem heavily linked to me) across all channels of my life. This mainly encompasses high dopamine activities which provide instant gratification which I learned about during the detox, such as junk food, alcohol, cigarettes, purposeless internet use, scrolling, etc, but its not just been about cutting down on these specific things. I've also made an effort to increase exercise intensity and quantity, control my diet better to compliment my exercise, and maintain a better sleep cycle. I feel the benefits of these changes, but the best part in my opinion is the satisfaction I get from showing myself that I am not dependent on these things and can function well without them. I've always wanted to be completely independent in this sense, even when very young; it's ironic that I'm typing this to a forum for P addicts hahaha
     
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  4. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Most intense relapse dream yet last night. Was so relieved when I woke up!
     
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  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Don't remember if I mentioned it in this thread but since I gave up smoking over 2 years ago, those dreams happened a lot. I don't think about cigarettes at all during daytime but those dreams still occur. Nothing to worry mate, though, I think it's part of ending addiction.

    Congrats on 54 days, mate!
     
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  6. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Actually, it's refreshing to see posts of this nature on the forum. Not only have you been clean of P, but you're also actively pursuing a great life - definitely the right approach. You're gaining some valuable insights during this reboot.

    In some ways, I think P addiction is the opposite of personal growth. When you're being mindful, eating clean, taking care of yourself and developing as a person, you're far less likely to engage in self destructive behaviours that ultimately lead to misery and malaise.

    Keep going.
     
  7. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Very true! I remember earlier this year going to the pub with a mate, who raised the point that we often talk about negative spirals, but positive spirals can be just as powerful. Every positive action you take seems to make the opportunity cost of engaging in self-destructive behaviour larger, as if doing so would 'throw away' your hard work.

    Cheers for the support
     
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  8. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    8 weeks :eek:
     
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  9. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    60 days of no PMO and becoming the person I truly am. It's been a mad journey of rediscovery, and I'm only 2/3 of the way to the official 90 day goal (though I do not really have a day goal).

    I feel more control over my life nowadays, and experience significantly less anxiety. Oh, and music sounds so much better now! Let's see where the next 30 days take me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
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  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Super good to read that, mate! Also very motivating for me!
     
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  11. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    9 weeks o_O
     
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  12. R3balance

    R3balance Member

    Relapse dreams are the worst.. they are actually scary.

    I have had a few of them over the years.


    Unreal keep on your journey you are doing a fantastic job. You are fully in control, don't let your guard down as your addict brain still has a voice. But you are stronger than it.


    Just crushing it!
     
  13. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    For sure, I feel genuinely awful for like 5 mins after I wake up after one. Was getting lots of recurring ones before but they seemed to have calmed down.
    Thanks. I'm not going to be stopping anytime soon - I'm enjoying the progress I'm making elsewhere in my life too much!

    For the sake of recording my accomplishments in this journal:
    - I've reduced my 5k pb by over 3 mins since May
    - I'm getting stronger and looking leaner than ever, almost at a 6-pack
    - I ran a half-marathon at a decent pace for fun with no training plan
    - I'm eating clean consistently
    - Waking up early does not seem like hard work
    - Completed other physical challenges (don't want to specify for anonymity's sake)
    - I'm learning new hobbies

    I don't write these to brag at all; they are for myself, so that I can reflect on how far I've come on this journey and how worthwhile it's been. I doubt any of these things would have happened had I not actively decided to change my life to one without PMO.

    Anyway, that's more than enough smoke blown up my own arse. I've still a long way to go with the sexual side of things as no tangible progress has been made there other than no PMO. I guess for the time-being I'll just keep on keeping-on with my reboot.
     
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  14. R3balance

    R3balance Member


    Sounds great to me!

    Man gas yourself up this is YOUR journal! Be your biggest fan and supporter.

    Take care of yourself and you will attract the right people around you and when you are ready or think you are close to ready to rewire or connect with a real girl go for it!

    Ill follow your progress mate!
     
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  15. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Wet dream no2
     
  16. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Great work Don.

    Whilst being free of PMO is undoubtedly making a difference, I think it goes beyond that. You're making progress because you're actively working on improving multiple areas of your life (as opposed to purely focusing on abstinence). Keep building on this to improve yourself physically, emotionally, perhaps even spiritually.

    It reminds me of a paragraph from the Recovery Nation workshop in which the author makes the point that addictions are a symptom of our struggles, rather than the cause. This is what he said:

    "Addiction is not keeping you from living a healthy life. It is not the reason that you are struggling. Even the consequences of your addiction are not the reason that you are struggling...though it is easy to perceive them as such. No, your addiction and its consequences are merely symptoms; the reason you are struggling is because you have yet to learn how to manage your life in a healthy way. It has been your life skill deficiencies that have fueled the 'shortcuts' you have taken to manage your emotions. Shortcuts that provide immediate emotional stimulation (which is good); but to the detriment of your long-term health (which is cumulatively very, very bad). When these shortcuts become ingrained as your primary emotional management strategy, you can consider yourself as having an addiction. But note: it was not the addiction that triggered the life crisis...it was the lack of healthy life management skills that triggered the addiction."
     
  17. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    As ever, I appreciate your support forlorn.

    I think you're right to be honest. I imagine that whilst it's possible to get this far by simply abstaining from PMO, the journey would much slower, but also harder. By building in new habits like exercising, I've managed to create new channels for stress relief, or coping mechanisms if you will, for the times of difficulty in which I previously couldn't cope. I'll keep working away (although I did destroy a large McDonalds today as a reward).

    That quote reminds me of the revelation I made when I did the dopamine detox, which funnily enough you recommended doing! P is not an objective enemy - if anything it has been a crutch. If it were not there, something else would have taken its place. I suddenly lost all hatred and disgust for P itself - I realised that it was simply an outlet for my frustration and inability to cope so it made no sense to hate it. I realised that if I could monitor how many acts of instant gratification I engaged in, I could reduce the likelihood of escapist behaviour. Resultantly, there has not really been close call in this reboot.

    I've just started my new job this week. Mon-Wed were super stressful and I would have undoubtedly PMOd to help cope before. Now I accept that I don't feel great that day, and that I will feel better tomorrow. I much prefer this to feeling numb and no emotion at all.
     
  18. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Wow I really cannot overstate how intense these relapse dreams are. Last night I could even feel the dopamine rush
     
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  19. Shield of Valoran

    Shield of Valoran New Member

    Hey UK Don. I've finally caught up on reading through your posts and I have to say you've made some amazing progress since you've started. Especially in your response to Forlorn, where you recognise P is just a crutch. I'm hoping to get to your stage soon enough. I feel super inspired by your journey and thought you should know. I'm rooting for you!
     
  20. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks for reading my journal and your kind words! I doubt I would been able to get this far in a reboot without this forum, its so cool that we can all take inspiration from each other's journeys through openly sharing them. I'll be following your journey!
     

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