Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Last night had some more femdom dreams and could still feel myself getting turned on by them as I slept. Just noting this for the sake of recording my journey.

    Just had a skim back to the start of my journal and read my first posts again. It kind of made me realise how far I've come on my journey and to be honest I'm proud of myself. Not overwhelmingly so, not even a lot, but I feel a little proud.

    I really didn't enjoy reading that first message back and that's not just down to the excessive use of commas or the cringeworthy tone in which it was written. It kind of brought me back to the place I was in when writing it; I was more insecure, helpless, and lost. I still feel these things sometimes and I'm not saying that I should never feel them, but I remember at that time they were more of a resting state for me. Now, simply knowing in the back of my mind that I am addressing my PMO addiction as well as I can, and trying to seize life by the balls makes me feel more of a man. I talk about feeling the opposite of a man in my first post. I still have a long (never-ending) journey ahead of me but now I am actually moving again. As long as I can continue moving ahead towards my goals regardless of the obstacles in my way then I will be succeeding.

    I don't just feel this way because of my improved mental state, or my 23 day streak. I have made tangible progress towards the person I want to be. Below are my goals that I set for myself in my first message.

    Goal 1 is complete. I battled with the idea of this for years, so reflecting on this now brings me great relief.

    Goal 3 is well-underway. I don't think this is something I can ever fully complete but I am currently in good shape and my cardio is probably up their with the best its been.

    Goal 2 is also underway. I am over 3 weeks into no PMO and have a girl who wants to shag who I actually like. In previous posts I have mentioned that when a girl shows interest it turns me off, however this has not been the case with this girl. Now I just need to get it done though I don't want to force it as I think it will happen when I am ready.

    Mainly a reflective post today. I think for the most part focusing on the present is important in achieving goals like this, but every now and again I think looking at where you started can offer perspective again.
     
  2. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Noticed myself getting some P flashbacks lately. Often I will be just going about life and something that I read or something that someone says can trigger these thoughts. To deal with them I've been using a meditative approach again, simply shutting my eyes, focusing on my breathing, and observing my thoughts and how my body feels. This has been very effective and the intrusive thoughts usually pass very quickly. I replace them with the feelings I felt when having a good time with the girl the other weekend. They are not even particularly sexual feelings but just positive happy feelings that I felt during the real experience - it's a fond memory for me which really dug me out of a hole which the stress of trying to complete my dissertation during lockdown, and general student life had helped me dig myself into. I dunno if this is what I "should" be doing but it works for me. It allows me to snap back to viewing PMO for what it really is and therefore stops me in my tracks on my path to relapse (I know intrusive thoughts do not mean I am about to relapse, but it's important to acknowledge their strength as a relapse really happens many steps before you actually PMO).

    In relation to this, I think I need learn how to view women and dating in a new light. In general life I would say I am relatively assertive, though when it comes to ladies it pains me to admit that I think I'm a bit of a 'nice guy'. Either that, or I'm just too much of a pussy to take the next step with women. Whichever it is, I have seen many on this forum recommend the book 'No More Mr Nice Guy' so I think I'm going to give the audiobook a go.

    I have been thinking more and more lately that it is imperative that I work on dating and my relationship with women while I am young and it is easier, as I've missed out on so much up to this point in my life. I need to learn how to deal with situations and the drama etc now, as if I don't develop these skills / this understanding now, then this will inevitably hinder later relationships which will be more serious. I think I'm trying to say I need to learn how women work and how the dynamic between myself and them should look and feel.

    I say this as at the moment the aforementioned girl is someone I quite like. I don't really like her, but there are some feelings there. Every time I feel this way with a girl I seem to take on a powerless stance where the outcome is up to them. It kind of plays with my head a lot leading me to overthink simple messages, or read into the actions way too much - I get to a point where I just can't figure out the best way to act without coming across as disinterested, or even worse needy. I feel this should be the other way around - I should be the one saying/doing things to them leaving them to overthink what I meant by it. That's part of game isn't it? I guess this all stems from my tight foreskin (RIP) and lack of confidence which meant that growing up I subconsciously didn't even want any action, as well as a PMO addiction which I think has led to a form of PIED which has also conditioned me into avoiding intimacy. This is still the case now as even when having a good time with a girl I like I don't wanna take the next step to kiss them. I think I'm too scared of them finding out I'm a bad kisser (I don't even know if I am), or haven't done anything further with a woman and come across seeming completely lost in what to do. Many of the friends I hang around with are either with a partner or are promiscuous with plenty of experience, including experience within our group of friends. I feel like a child playing an adult's game who will be exposed upon making a move not only to the girl, but then everyone in the group.

    Now that I have dug into my thoughts and read that last paragraph back it's clear that I simply need to take the leap and stop being a pussy. The only thing playing on my mind now is whether I am far enough into this process for it to be the right thing to do, as I have felt like I am in a bit of a flatline recently with the odd P flashback. Hopefully reading 'No More Mr Nice Guy' can help me with taking this step. I would be interested in hearing anyone's thoughts who reads this journal, as I have no experience with women to draw upon and could do with advice.
     
  3. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Friday to Sunday is so easy compared to Monday to Thursday. I'm constantly doing stuff as everyone is off work so I'm rarely sitting around alone in the house. Hopefully once my job starts my whole week will be like that.
     
  4. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    4 weeks down
     
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  5. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    I've had less intrusive thoughts the past few days, but I am starting to get semi erections in random situations in public and at home. I sense a wet dream coming...
     
  6. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Feeling super frustrated now, I think I perhaps just came out of a flatline. Getting proper urges for the first time since the first week of this reboot and my hangover isn't helping.

    Overall this reboot has been by far the cleanest of any I've ever had, I've not even looked at soft P on social media of any sort. I'm determined to keep it this way. I need to spend more time around girls again as that really helps to shift my perspective again and keep me on the right track.
     
  7. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    5 weeks :cool:
     
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  8. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Waking up each morning with solid MW, getting strong urges to MO to relieve myself but I’m not going to. Instead I’m gonna focus on getting out of bed ASAP
     
  9. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Many years ago I met a girl at Royal Ascot. I was kind of shocked that she was interested in me which added to my nerves (she knew I was nervous). She told me to kiss slowly, as if we'd kissed hundreds of times before. I thought that was great advice, it instantly relaxed me. Women can be amazingly understanding, and they're not all out to hurt or expose you. But maybe you need to find a girl who isn't part of your social circle. Someone that your mates don't know. Perhaps try to build a little trust with her first, take your time and take the pressure off. In the mean time, keep focusing on bettering yourself and meeting your other goals.
     
  10. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    I appreciate this Forlorn, I think I needed to hear this as I was kind of going in circles in my head about what to do without someone else’s input.
     
  11. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Couple of weird dreams again last night - sometimes feels as though I'm allowing myself to fantasise about fetish/P/femdom stuff when I'm in a half-awake/half-asleep slumber. Often feel guilty about this when I become fully conscious.
     
  12. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    6 weeks down
     
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  13. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Extremely vivid dream last night where I was browsing through the homepage on a P site, then proceeded to click on a vid but then quickly shut the browser. It felt so realistic it was weird. I had to have a mental battle with urges to watch P whilst dreaming.
     
  14. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Well, today is officially no PMO for 44 days, matching my longest previous streak. 1 day shy of the halfway mark of the '90-day reboot' though I think mine will be longer than that.

    I've come a long way and I notice a lot of differences in how I feel and act, but I also notice how far I have to go. I am in general a more stable, energetic, and confident person, yet the process of becoming this person has shed light on many other skills I need to work on.

    As seems to be the case for everyone the first few days were tough and it was essential to keep myself busy, but from about day 4 to day 30 was relatively easy. I was in a flatline where I had very few urges, and those which I had were easily controlled. In the last couple of weeks I have had more of a libido causing P to enter my thoughts more often. That said, this reboot has been exceptionally clean with 0 peeks at even soft p. I believe that strict hard mode is the only way I will beat this.

    As I write this, I have a few hours to 'kill' before my plans this evening. I have a number of household tasks to complete to keep my life smooth, including a workout. I know for a fact that 45 days ago I would have simply gone to my room to PMO the time away before my plans this evening; in turn this would have led to me feeling anxious during the plans and enjoying them less. It would have also meant my jobs weren't complete and it would slow my fitness journey, therefore creating more work for future me. Watching this video really helps to show how damaging this behaviour is to me. Therefore the new me will complete the jobs, workout, shower, and then relax a little.

    I'm proud of this progress, but on the other hand I am feeling the power of urges more than ever. For example, I recall feeling genuine disgust at femdom stuff about 2 weeks in, yet now when it pops into my head I can feel that tingle of excitement, making it more tempting to act on it than before. Please do not misunderstand this. My attitude towards this reboot remains the same and I have no intention of acting on these urges - I am simply acknowledging that they are more powerful than before. I'm not sure whether this is because my libido is increasing, or I've been drinking a lot over the past week so am just hungover more lol. Perhaps it is the femdom dreams I've been having which are relighting the pathway? Whatever the reason, I will push through.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2020
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  15. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Very similar dream again, but this time I felt the guilt of actually watching P in my dream. I remember being devastated that my streak had ended. I'm waking up super horny each morning with MW so I'm hoping for a wet dream soon to relieve the stress (in other streaks I'd had one by now), though I would rather I didn't have a wet dream at all if it's to a dream like the one last night.

    Edit: I forgot to mention another dream I had last night, I think before the one I have just mentioned. It was myself and a girl i knew, both clothed, chatting on a bed (in a party type setting though). The girl was a good-looking one who I was close with at secondary school, who by sixth-form, grew to like me. I of course did not return her interest as I was too interested in niche P at the time. Anyway, back to the dream. Our chat was flirtatious, though I cannot remember the specifics of what was said. What I do remember was that the chat had made me hard in my dream, so that as we were going to both get up, I said something to the tune of "You'll have to give me a minute, I can't get up yet" while laughing, as I had some duvet covering my legs. Her reaction in my dream was to be completely taken aback and freaked out - "Oh god that is so weird why would you say that" or something along those lines.

    Now of course this is all just a dream and could mean nothing, but I think this does offer insight into my fear of rejection and being humiliated by girls.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2020
  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    I have the same thing with cigarettes in my dreams. I smoke cigarettes in my dreams and then feel guilty. Normal part of fighting addiction, I guess.

    Also, congrats on 45 days.
     
  17. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks for the support @niskanen91 , yeah I guess I shouldn't read into it too much. Would much prefer to be having vanilla dreams though!
     
  18. Aussie_lad_23

    Aussie_lad_23 Taking it one day at a time...

    Don,

    I had seen the word 'femdom' around, but had never cared to educate myself on what it was.

    I was browsing the forums for a journal based on femdom - specifically more information on it, as I wish to learn about it and incorporate it into a PA flowchart I am building. This is the first piece of material I cared to click on.

    I was going to read a couple of posts and call it a night. But I found myself putting off sleep, and found myself reading through your entire journal from beginning to your post above. I felt compelled to tell you:

    Wow. You have come such as long way. Smile and give yourself a pat on the back mate. Really. Is it weird to say I'm proud?? (Feels weird to type it to a complete stranger, but it's positive - so hey .....F it!)

    There is lots I want to say, but I'm finding it difficult to articulate my thoughts into words as I really need to go to sleep. But notably, January was a massive growth period for you. To read through it all was amazing.

    Congratulations on achieving 46 days! With all you have learned and are now aware of, perhaps adapting the "don't count the days, make the days count” method will ultimately enable you to achieve your desired outcome.

    From what I have read, you are very self-aware and intelligent. I don't have any doubts you will stop striving for more.


    Forlorn is on the money, this take is extremely true. Just be careful of whom you place your trust in (but don't let that scare you off from trying!). Outside a social circle would be more ideal as less/no gossiping will take place in your circles.

    Find someone, build some trust and go from there. Being comfortable and truthful communicating is the key and proves very effective when it comes to steering a newly founded relationship on a positive course. (Didn't mean to add a pun!)
     
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  19. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    I hope it didn't keep you up too late haha! Seriously though, thank you. Support from others like this goes a long way for me on a journey this long and tough where for the most part we are doing it alone, especially as I'm kind of in a rut of spending my days less productively at the moment. I think you've judged my current position correctly - "don't count the days, make the days count” is the advice I needed to hear. I have a weekend away approaching so will be busy, but next week I will focus on returning to productive, focused days, spent on working on achieving my goals, as opposed to focusing on abstaining from PMO.

    I've looked at both your journal and the flowchart. First of all I think the flowchart is spot on - I can relate to each step you include through countless cycles of the process. If you are looking to include detail for femdom addiction/P, feel free to shoot me a message and I can offer insight into my experience. Secondly, congratulations to yourself also! I do not know where you currently stand, but between 2016 and 2018 you achieved almost all the goals you set out to achieve, which is a formidable achievement. I look forward to your next update and will be following your journey. I also know what you mean about the stranger thing. I've often wondered what many of the people on the forum are like in person, and pondered the fact that I will never meet anyone I interact with here, yet always return to the conclusion that it is this anonymity which allows us to talk so openly and honestly with each other, so it is for the better. Still weird though!
     
  20. Aussie_lad_23

    Aussie_lad_23 Taking it one day at a time...

    Glad to help. Stay focused man and enjoy your weekend away - take some time to reflect.

    It is indeed interesting to ponder these things.
    When I read through journals I find myself imagining the setting/environment the person is in. I feel reading the journals is a far easier method of forming an accurate idea of a person's character and gauge where they truly stand with themselves. Obviously this is convenient as everyone is anon and enables us to speak so openly and honestly. It's really positive if you think about it.

    Personally, I feel I project a true reflection of my inner thoughts/beliefs/values on paper. Verbally, in my day to day life I struggle.

    I really enjoy being anon in this quiet corner of the internet. Nothing against Nofap, but it is too active for my liking.
     
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