Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    No, I mean when using the method whenever they got an urge. I think that suggesting that 6 days is long enough to prove that a method works is not realistic at all. There are plenty of techniques that work in not acting on an urge, the only way that you can overcome this in the long term is rebooting, which allows your brain to make physical changes it needs.
     
  2. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    The only way you can get rid of it is by increasing serotonin. I think I've said it enough times now lol.
     
  3. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Last night I had a wet dream. Might not seem like a big deal but I’ve only ever had 2 wet dreams in my life so definitely noteworthy. I don’t remember what the dream was about, but do remember that I woke up as it was happening, and that the dream hadn’t felt amazing like the other ones I've had in the past. I think my body just needed to offload some ejaculate. Wondering if I’ll feel any different over the next couple of days as a result. Also for what it's worth, I think that was the thickest and whitest cum I've ever produced.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2020
  4. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Ahh ok cool, cheers man. Glad you've got all the answers, didn't realise that was the only way. I guess all the success stories (majority) that don't involve supplements must be bs...
     
    forlorn likes this.
  5. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    My method doesn't require supplements lol. But if you'd rather follow a method that has no science behind it then gud luk XD
     
  6. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    ?
     
  7. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    I asked that because you said you would look into 5-htp. I want to compare the brand if you take one so I can tell you if it works as well.
     
  8. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    Or just try the swearing thing for about a week and if it doesn't work then I will leave with my tail between my legs.
     
  9. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Yeah I looked into it but I would rather do this without relying on a substance, as I believe I can do it without.
    I'm good for the time being. Never tried being mindful before this current reboot and it seems to be working pretty well. If it stops working and I can't figure out why, perhaps I'll reconsider. I appreciate your good intention though
     
    fedmom likes this.
  10. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Nearly relapsed last night/early this morning, as my deadline went right down to the wire and I needed a few hours sleep so I could get up early to complete my project. I couldn’t sleep and I stumbled across triggers late last night, so peeked at soft P, but used the mindful approach and turned it off. I think getting urges like this every now and again is useful as it reminds me how long this journey is, and that I have a most of it to go yet.

    I’m conscious that I’ve been checking social media more and more lately, which isn’t a great idea as its full of triggers. I think I’m going to use the limited internet approach I’ve seen in some other journals, say 2 hours a day (other than studying). This seems a large amount but I use it most of the day at the moment. Looking forward to seeing how it goes. Hopefully it will speed up the reboot and I can become more productive and present in each day.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  11. Dean Tosslie

    Dean Tosslie New Member

    Well Done! You hit each day with new challenges. I used to tell myself every morning my goals but after the daily stress and pressures after a few days I'd relapse. Like an athlete you need to get fit - doesn't happen in a short space of time. This helped me huge https://www.amazon.com/HOW-QUIT-POWER-ADDICTION-breaking-ebook/dp/B084DSZQ7P/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=HOW+TO+QUIT+THE+POWER+OF+ADDICTION&qid=1580756933&s=books&sr=1-I. i needed to refine a few areas I thought I'd mastered. You're also spot on about no substances, we're in a game of confrontation.
     
    UK Don likes this.
  12. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    6 weeks deep!
     
  13. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Relapse at 44 days!

    Not ideal, but by no means the end of the world. These next few days will be tough due to the chaser effect, but I have no doubt that I will push through them to continue with my self-improvement. To help ensure they go smoothly I'm going to try and check in here each day. This relapse has shown me how much I've grown as a person, through my ability to be more aware of my internal monologue and change the way I think of myself. Previously, I would have really beaten myself up about this - "you fucking idiot, why did you throw away such a big streak" etc. however now I am a lot more self-forgiving and logical about the situation - "44 days is a great streak considering your pmo history, well done, lets see how far you can go this time". The old train of thought would have also lead to more relapses, through low self-worth. I do not feel anyway near as low as I used to, despite 3 PMOs within 12 hours.

    While this is all well and good, and points to a more progressive and positive mental attitude, it's still important to assess why and how the relapse happened. It started with my post on the 31st. Peeking at P was the start of a downward spiral and if I'm brutally honest (which is crucial for me to fully heal) I should have probably reset my counter then. Whilst I didn't keep looking at p after this, I think it was enough to reignite the P pathway in my brain, so next time I felt low it was higher up the list of coping mechanisms. Over the last week a few things weren't great, and undoubtedly played a factor in my relapse. A family member died, I got some work back with a lower mark than expected making a first class degree extremely hard to attain, my operation has been postponed by 2 weeks, and I am still procrastinating on starting my dissertation which I really need done in the next 8 weeks. In addition I was also getting very frustrated at the fact that I would wake up with aching MW, yet when in the shower I couldn't even get hard through stimulation or vanilla fantasy. In hindsight I guess this was just impatience.

    I should really emphasise the procrastination as a source of temptation. I only really procrastinate with my studies, as I really do not enjoy them and already have a graduate job lined up, rendering them somewhat useless. However, I know that I'm someone that takes pride in what I do, so if I am putting off starting research for my dissertation then not only am I mounting on the pressure for myself, but lowering my own self-worth. This is because it's obviously the main priority in my life yet I choose not address it out of fear of failure. From here, you can see how a downward spiral might start. I know this, as during summer when I was interning and therefore working everyday I had better self-esteem and valued myself more, leading to greater self-confidence. I'm not trying to say that I value myself based on meeting others expectations, but more so being able to successfully address the highest priority objectives in my life regardless of how uncomfortable/taxing/tough they are. This is another area in which I've made good progress but still have a long way to go.

    As I write this, I almost decided to leave the post there, as that would have been the easy thing to do. Instead I should look to the future, and make an action plan. I've read countless journals where post-relapse the writer sets unrealistic goals and targets with a 'point to prove attitude', but these never work as they are not sustainable in times of low motivation. Instead, I propose that starting from Sunday:

    1. Mon-Fri 7 hours per day at university
    - Ideally 9-5, 1 hour lunch break. Sometimes have sport during the day, so can go in the evening again to catch up.
    2. Continue to exercise 5 times a week = Tennis/Run/Gym
    3. When in bed, do not go on laptop/phone. Read instead
    4. Continue clean eating
    5. Continue learning Spanish
    And here's the big one for me:
    5. 30 mins 'free time' on laptop per day. This is ALL social media including youtube, but excluding messenger apps e.g. fb messenger, imessage

    From these #1 and #5 are by far the most demanding, and the way I will implement them is through setting a 30 minute period every day in the evening to catch up. Learning to gain control over dopamine seeking behaviour in other ways should help me to distance myself from relapse even further.
     
  14. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    It does sound like you've had a rough week with everything that's been going on.

    The important thing is that you:
    a) don't allow it to turn into a binge and...
    b) you learn something from it - sounds like you have done some reflection on this already.

    Your action plan sounds good. Any idea what you plan to read in bed instead of going on your laptop/phone? I'm a bit ashamed to admit it but I haven't finished reading a book in years (despite starting a few). Having said that, I recently started reading again and this time I'm actually very close to finishing a book. I even have a second one lined up (a novel called 'The Sense of an Ending').

    Anyway, just thought I'd check in with you. ps: I think you have the right motivation anyway but I'll share with you a quote I really like, it's from the Recovery Nation website:

    "The single greatest predictor of success — be it in business, relationships, or in addiction recovery — is found in the sincerity of the commitment to succeed".

     
  15. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks for the reply forlorn, great to have someone supporting my journey especially in times like this.

    I agree with both things you say. Yesterday I could feel quite strong urges in bed when I took a nap in the evening to just have one last pmo as I'd already ruined my streak, which is an absolute classic that I've fallen for countless times. I'm pleased to say though that I was able to completely shut this down straight away and didn't even fantasise, which I'm quite proud of as it would have been very easy to give in. I'm confident I won't binge but will remain vigilant. I've done some more reflection on why and how my relapse happened. I think I could have picked up on some early warning signs that slipped under the radar, such as randomly wanting to go on Omegle and chat to people (I've never really done this before), as well as doing a better job of avoiding social media. I also think that once I get reasonably far into a reboot, I really need to be spending more time around girls I find attractive. At 44 days in, I was getting pretty damn horny at times but because I don't have any real female presence in my life, I think I'm almost bound to return to the only thing my brain knows - PMO and femdom. Perhaps even just being around females would help to rewire at the same time.

    One reason that I think this would work, is that today I was chatting with an attractive friend of a friend after a party last night, and I couldn't help but notice my mind wandering. I started to have some pretty vanilla fantasies and noticed some movement downstairs that I had to actively stop by changing my train of thought. Even just 2 days after relapse I feel this is proof that I've made significant progress, and reassures me I have not been set back very far. For this reason, despite resetting the day counter I won't really be paying too much attention to it now.

    @forlorn The book I am reading is The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, but like you I have been reading it for over a year and still have not finished it! I always enjoy it but I guess my brain just seeks the instant dopamine so much that I never get back to reading it. Also I like that quote. It really captures the attitude that you should have on this journey of personal growth, over abstinence for abstinence sake.
     
  16. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Unfortunately another relapse this morning. Feeling a little under the weather but am making sure to keep occupied. This is going to be the start of another big streak!
     
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Sad to hear this but keeping fingers crossed for the future!
     
    UK Don likes this.
  18. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Hope you're feeling better. It's time to pick up the pieces and get back on track. You're fortunate enough to have recognised you need to make changes in your life whilst still being so young - but you have to make the time count :)
     
  19. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks niskanen and forlorn, again I appreciate the support!
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    Stop wasting your life with this nofap bs and try a 5-htp supplement. You could be femdom free in just a few days!
     

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