Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Not feeling that I need to come back to this forum as everything seems to be going well atm. Will probs write another post next week some time
     
  2. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    4 weeks! I'm now equal with my record. Let's see how far I can take it.
     
  3. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Nice work, keep up the effort and you'll really start to feel better about yourself. There's no room for complacency - maybe you can build upon your progress by analysing your background to see what led you down this destructive path in the first place, i.e. get to the root of the problem :)
     
    UK Don likes this.
  4. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks Forlorn. Woken up today with maybe my 2nd worst ever hangover and I can feel my body begging for dopamine through some monster urges. But, like you say, hangover or no hangover there is no room for complacency.
    I think you’re right. Whilst getting a good streak going is great, there’s no point in the long run unless I’m able to be a little more introspective, and understand why I’m in this position so that I can prevent it from happening again.
     
  5. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    1 month!

    What a way to end the first month of no PMO. After dreams seemed to start becoming less femdom/fetish, and more vanilla, and then less sexual at all, on the 30th day I had one of the most intense and vivid fetish dreams I've ever had.

    I didn't act on it and there was no O so I feel it has not hindered progress at all. I see it as a test, where my brain is trying anything to get me to relapse, so that it can get the dopamine it craves. I'll only become stronger continuing on this journey.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2020
  6. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Lots of brain fog today. Urgent studying to do due to deadline season, so going to get out the house to ensure I make something of the day.

    Although my streak is progressing, the last week has been far less conscious. I've definitely felt less progress recently, and have had a pretty foggy/tired past couple of days. Time to become a little more active with my reboot. This leads on well to what @forlorn mentioned about uprooting the problem. I've briefly tried to do this but I almost don't know where to start. I suffered no real childhood trauma (that I can recall), as I had for the most part good parents and friends, and was a healthy kid. The only thing I am certain left me feeling alienated/isolated/ashamed was my tight foreskin, as I thought it rendered me useless. I go into this in detail in my original post on this thread, but to summarise it made me feel as though I was incompatible with sex. Consequently, I enjoyed femdom P where I could be mocked and ridiculed for hours on end (I notice that if I had typed this previously I would have felt a slight rush, but now I just feel sadness. Surely this is a good sign). Anyway, that should be all sorted extremely soon and I'm unsure that I can really dig deep to find the problem, if there is another problem, until I know how I feel post operation.

    I'm having another thought as I type this which is that thus far throughout my reboot, some other fetishes that I always remember having, like leather and latex, seemed to have remained more than femdom itself. This makes me wonder whether these are more deeply embedded, and whether they just so happened to be naturally congruent with femdom? Maybe it was the other way round, but they have remained due to the prominence of leather in public in UK winter which has kept that pathway firing? I know so little and I have no time to research at the moment, making this all speculation. Either way, it feels good to get my thoughts down.
     
  7. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    It seems after a week of being occupied and not casting my thoughts to self-development or internal problems, today I can't turn away. I've read a large section of @Saville 's journal, and regardless of the age difference I felt hugely inspired. From the start there was significant self-evaluation in every post with brutal honesty mixed with subtle humour; an overall positive and upwards trajectory. Journals like these leave me feeling confident but not blind to the difficulties ahead.

    When I started this journal I was unaware of how reboots really worked. My first post stated I would allow myself to MO after 90 days no PMO - how ridiculous. This is an entirely personal journey where different remedies are required depending on the severity of the issue. I've learned after watching Gary Wilson's Ted Talk that as someone who grew up from around age 12 watching femdom high-speed P, almost always edging, I could be in for the long-haul on my reboot. That's fine though! It just gives me more time to practice improving everything else in my life too! I saw on someone's profile earlier (I cannot remember who) "don't count every day, make every day count". I think this is the real keystone to rebooting. Without accepting this as necessary I don't think we can ever truly heal, as we will remain in the mindset of waiting to be saved by our day-counter, rather than seizing the opportunities in our lives. I feel as though I'm rambling, but what I'm trying to say is that I better understand how to continue on my own personal journey now, which is by not only being aware urges and battling them, but taking that spirit into other tasks in my life and conquering those too, like studying. The superpowers will not do it all. Hopefully this will create positive spirals!

    To build on the 90 days MO point, I'm thinking that MO of any sort will be difficult for me in the future. From what I understand, I've begun watching femdom P so early that it is now wired directly alongside MO. This means that the only way I can MO would be purely from the sensation rather than fantasising, but I have never really done this so would not trust myself to try this for a long time. In addition, I predict that in the future even if I did MO to pure sensation, the chaser effect would lead me to MO the next day with a little vanilla fantasy, and perhaps the next I would be back on the slippery slope of femdom/fetish. I have to admit that it's a weird thought that I may never MO again as it doesn't seem entirely healthy, but at this point I'm willing to try absolutely anything - thinking about some of my older posts brings me back to a very dark time. If it happens that I can control MOs to sensation in the future then so be it, but it's such a long time away I'm not sure its really worth thinking about.

    Finally a more holistic reflection, which is that perhaps in a way, we are the lucky ones? It may sound mad, but until I started writing on this forum and truly understanding my addiction, I took absolutely no time for self-reflection or independent thought. Many people, especially my generation, are never disconnected from the internet, with every 'answer' at their fingertips; without the process of self-reflection, mindfulness, and evaluation, life can just breeze by with no purpose. Escapism doesn't only show itself in one type of behaviour. I know because for years I've done it. This addiction requires something different though, because as I said the remedy for every addict is personal, and must come from within.

    Here's to staying in touch with ourselves, enjoying the present moment, and taking action in achieving our goals :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2020
  8. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Really good post Don.

    Uncovering childhood trauma can be difficult. I'm not suggesting you go looking for things that didn't happen but it's worth reflecting on your childhood and relationship with your parents as best you can. I also think I had good parents and a comfortable, if somewhat overprotective upbringing. But to our child minds, even slight things can potentially be sources of trauma. For example, my parents weren't open about talking about sex. At school, I heard other kids giggling about the fact we were going to have a class about sex education and it left me feeling very confused. When I asked my mum what the word meant I remember her being really taken aback and reluctant to discuss it - she suggested I learn at the class. Maybe that led me to believe sex was something shameful. There was other stuff too, my mum couldn't handle stress well at all and if my brother and I did something to upset her she'd go in a mood and give us the silent treatment for days (potentially triggering feelings of abandonment). The point being, our parents probably weren't perfect, it doesn't make them bad people but maybe they got some stuff wrong. Also as a teenager I learned that my sexual tastes were a little different to what other lads seemed to be interested in. That could well have contributed to me feeling defective and perhaps I later sexualised those feelings by engaging in femdom.

    I think you have the right idea to avoid MO - for now at least. But I'm not sure why you think you might never be able to do it again. Once you've given your mind and body sufficient time to heal I think you can introduce 'healthy' masturbation, i.e without using P or recalling fantasy.

    Based on what you wrote in your post I'm going to read Saville's journal in more detail as up till now I've only seen snippets here or there. Also, another one to look out for is the journal from a poster called Wabi Sabi. I don't think he's active on the forum anymore (you may need to search) but he had a great journal, very well written and hugely inspiring.
     
  9. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Ah thank-you I see what you mean now. I think I was considering classic cases of abuse etc. instead of looking at situations which caused complete confusion, or spurred distress. I will have a dig down. Also, I appreciate you sharing some examples, it helped me understand.

    The reason I say that is I have never ever MO'd to pure sensation. Even my earliest MO was watching P. If I'm lucky though, you may be right.


    Yes, I remember this journal, it's incredible. I read it just before I wrote my initial post about a year ago. I'm going to link it here so that others can see it: https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...urons-that-fire-together-wire-together.16712/
     
  10. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Wow, just found Battles Men Face by Gregory Jantz in Wabi-Sabi's Journal. Recommend the Intro and first chapter on P, which can be found free via that link.

    "When you use yourself (no matter what type of pornography, you’re still essentially using yourself) to satisfy your sexual desires, you make the other person in the relationship unnecessary. Unnecessary people can become unneeded and unwanted, marginalized and even despised. If you add personal guilt into this toxic mix, sometimes the only “use” for the other person is as someone to transfer your own guilt onto."
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2020
  11. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Had some serious urges tonight. I know exactly why, I'm really struggling with procrastination with my upcoming deadline. This is clearly my bodies way of trying to cope with the stress of the workload. I've stumbled at this step soooo many times before, I really hope I have the strength and mindfulness to let this pass this time round. Fuck ruining my longest streak to date as a result of one of the most predictable triggers out there.

    I'm well aware that I'll continue to get these urges over the next few days until the deadline passes, so I'm going to make a plan to combat this tricky period
    - Get out of bed as soon as I wake up and head straight to the library
    - Stay at the library from start to finish
    - Go for a run each evening after I get back
    - Do not enter my room unless I'm going to bed

    Overall I'm finding this part of the reboot quite challenging. Not because of urges, as for the last three weeks I've managed them fine, but more so the lack of benefits I'm feeling from refraining from PMO. I feel generally quite anxious and lethargic, and feel as though today was the start of a cold.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2020
  12. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    If you are taking 5-htp have you felt any difference? And if you are what type of tablets are they?
     
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Just curious, what were your expectations related to quitting PMO?

    I've noticed that when I give up porn for long time I feel more attraction towards real women, can feel aroused by them, my fantasies shift from femdom to vanilia, my behavior is more masculine and aggressive, erection quality gets better. I think MO is a different beast and while it may be necessary for us to give up MO for some time to fully recover, I think its negative effects are exaggerated by NoFap community. But, to be honest, I'm surprised to read that you don't notice the difference after giving up porn.
     
  14. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    No
     
  15. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks for the message niskanen. Perhaps I didn't phrase that as well as I could have. I definitely feel as though I'm a bit more into girls in a vanilla way than femdom, and I don't have that awful empty/numb feeling that I used to have after a binge, but that's not to say that I feel great. I definitely have greater inner confidence in myself as a person, but I'm also feeling anxiety and tiredness. I think different stages of the reboot come in waves, and this is just part of it if I'm honest. I say this as I remember week 2 feeling great all the time.
    As for MO, I'd love to be able to MO in the shower for example to relieve some tension, but at this stage I think it would send me down a slippery slope of fantasising, then watching P. I want to get a significant streak in to allow my brain to have time to reboot, however long that is, before I allow myself to MO again.
     
  16. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    lol priceless
     
  17. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    ?
     
  18. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    Someone has emailed me and said the swear word method worked after 6 days. If you've been trying to get rid of this addiction for over a year why wouldn't try a 5-htp supplement?
     
  19. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Fedmom, what do you mean it worked after 6 days? Do you mean they didn't give in to an urge when using it?
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    You mean when using porn videos? If you don't get turned on by it then you won't have the urge.
     

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