Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Thisworld

    Thisworld Member

    UK Don, do orgasms give you flatlines still?
     
  2. Equi|ibrium

    Equi|ibrium New Member

    Sure I'll do that! Thank you for your kind words and lets beat this addiction together;)
     
    UK Don likes this.
  3. chems77

    chems77 New Member

    @UK Don I'm so happy that I stumbled on this journal, I am 20 now and your story is very inspiring and I can feel like I can finally relate to someone. I've always assumed I'll quit and I've tried many times but now time feels like it's running out and I need to tackle this. I hope you're doing ok and know that you've given me something very valuable with this journal.
     
    UK Don likes this.
  4. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Long time since my last post!

    I've had a crazy few months. Solo travelling is the best thing I've done in my life. If you can do it, then do it. The people I met and the experiences I had have definitely changed me for the better. I feel lucky and privileged for my time away. For much of the travelling from place to place I was alone, so had plenty of time to think. Resultantly I have returned to the UK with a new perspective on how I want to live my life. I updated my physical journal with every day from my trip, but would prefer to keep the details away from the internet.

    I met a girl while away. At first I met her at a hostel, but she left before me so I got her number. We bumped into each other at another hostel a few days later, and got to know each other a bit on a night out together, kissing, dancing etc. I knew I wanted to see her again after we parted ways for the second time, so we met up in a different city after a few more days. We had a great time and she changed her plans for the next week to mirror mine. That week was one of the best of my life. I've never connected with anyone the way that we did. Neither of us could stop saying how lucky we felt. She's younger than me but taught me so much through the way she lives her life - always positive, outgoing, kind, honest, affectionate, non-judgemental. I struggled with ED in the bedroom. On the second occasion I opened up to her as I couldn't bare the thought that my ED would make her feel unattractive or unwanted. I explained that watching P from a young age had impacted the 'wiring' of my ability to become aroused, and to stay hard. I emphasised that this was completely my issue and that it often happens, and was nothing to do with her. I also told her about the fact that I don't like to watch P any more and that through consistent abstinence the brain can rewire, but that I needed more time to fully heal. I expected her to become colder with me, for awkwardness to set in and the connection between us to become tainted. I couldn't believe it when she responded: she told me that she'd watched a video about it online before, and that she understood that watching P can escalate sexual taste to unrealistic levels. That was basically going to be my next sentence! She asked me if I wished I never watched P, to which I replied 'of course!'. If only she knew how badly I wished that haha. She thanked me for trusting her and was even warmer - I don't think I've ever felt as accepted in my life as we continued to cuddle after that moment. That was our final night together - we travelled to different countries the following day after we shared a tearful breakfast. We had discussed the idea that we would meet again after travelling, though I was sceptical (yet hopeful) as we were both returning to busy lives, and she lives in a different country. We agreed not to book anything, and to see how we felt once both our trips were done.

    Almost 2 months later and we are both back in our home countries, and have kept in touch - we have now also booked a holiday away with each other in November! Back in June/July I'm not sure I would have believed that any of this would happen. It's crazy and in a way futile as neither of us want to be in a long-distance relationship, or want to move countries, but I'm sure we'll have a good time together. To an extent I don't mind - I just want to keep her in my life and continue to add to her life in some way or another because she's special.

    I struggled to readjust to the corporate world in my new job once back in the UK. Unfortunately that meant 3 weeks of PMO. I'm not happy about it but it's happened, and I'm almost a week clean now so things are looking good. I've settled in over the past week and feel much better about my job now. It's also worth mentioning that my travelling was largely PMO free bar 1.5 weeks at the end where I was ill and had a bad 3 or 4 days.

    Since returning to the UK I've definitely been successful in some ways in changing the way I live my life. I've regained control over my time, assessed some friendships which weren't adding to my life as much as I would like, and am drinking and smoking less. I also ran the London Marathon for charity in sub-4 hours, which I'm super happy with considering I couldn't train while away. I've continued pursuits in learning another language, and have tried a new hobby by myself. I can't wait to continue :)

    Apologies Thisworld, I don't think I can answer this as have PMOd quite a lot over the last 3 weeks or so.

    Chems thanks so much for the message. I remember signing up to the forum and always struggling to find someone in my position to relate to (it's quite specific), so am very pleased to be able to be that person for you. I highly encourage you to start writing posts of your own - from my experience it makes the journey far more manageable, even if you don't think it will! Hope you're well and look forward to seeing your progress
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2022
    niskanen91 and Krebs like this.
  5. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Been doing well lately - not been easy but I've stayed present and coped with challenges. Also accepting that I will be up some days and down others, especially while on the first few weeks of this journey, has helped me to get through lower moments.

    Going on holiday with the girl I met travelling this week! Can't wait :)
     
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hi, @UK Don , great that you're doing well.

    I have a question, it seems that you're meeting vanilla girls, how arousing is it for you? Do you find them arousing from the get go? Do you treat them in a vanilla way or do you "push" them towards fetish?

    Sorry if the question is too direct but I find it interesting as a fellow femdom addict.
     
  7. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Hey @niskanen91 I hope you're well too. In answer to your question, I do find them arousing but I do not feel the same level of arousal as when watching fetish PMO. However, in real life I do not feel the urge when with a girl to act out my fetishes - I have found that naturally when in bed with a girl I want to be more dominant, however at this stage in the reboot / recovery process I can't keep an erection.

    I got back from my holiday this week, it was incredible. It felt like a dream. My feelings for the girl are still there, it's such a shame we live in different countries as we both agreed we want to be in a relationship with each other but don't want to do long distance. I couldn't stay hard whenever we tried to have sex, but every time she would be completely open and accepting and I would get her off in other ways. On the final day we showered together and I stayed hard, so she started to give me a handjob. It felt incredible but we had to leave to catch our flight. She played with my dick in the taxi over as it stayed hard in there too. I was super aroused at this point - it really gives me faith that I'm going to make this recovery. I'm definitely going to meet up with the girl again in her or my country. It's a connection too precious and rare to waste.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  8. eagle4446

    eagle4446 New Member

    Very glad for you my friend. I am sure you can rewire with her. I wish you all the best
     
    UK Don likes this.
  9. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Tough stressful day at work, urge to escape was strong. I MOd in the shower yesterday too so don't know if there was a bit of a chaser. Rode it out though and so pleased now!
     

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