Femdom Addict had enough, going PMO free

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by UK Don, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. R3balance

    R3balance Member


    Honestly Ihave had times in the past where a single relapse would actually help me with progress. Be really careful with your chasers as you lit up the dopamine hwy in your brain. The stronger that pathway the harder it is to control and to recover.

    Be kind to yourself, distrct yourself and continue on your recovery journey. 93 days is unreal and happy to read you arent beating yourself up!
     
    UK Don likes this.
  2. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Been a good week. Fallen into a flatline post relapse which has been a nice break from the chaotic/on edge headspace I was in previously.
    Perhaps you are right @R3balance
     
  3. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Time is flying atm. Last night I had a huge wet dream which surprised me - I only PMO'd 8 days ago! It was the first time I've ever slept through one as well, it felt so weird waking up after it had happened.

    In other areas of my life:
    - I've addressed work issues a little more and feel better for it. Also had some positive feedback. Despite this, I'm still not working as hard as I want to. I think getting to the root of why I have trouble working hard is more complicated than I thought, perhaps related to my father raising me in an environment in which there was always a 'right' way to do things - this was his way. Resultantly I think I'm often hesitant to do work in fear that it won't be done perfectly, or that I'll miss the mark/objective. Of course trying and failing is one of the most important parts of life so learning how to do this is very important to me, and is something I will look to achieve as one of my next big targets. I'm busy atm but will take the time soon to reassess my standing on this journey, and set some new big goals for the next 6 months or so, as I have made progress/achieved some of my previous goals.
    - I've been injured for the past week and a half with an injury. Getting back in the gym yesterday felt fantastic and I hope to get back into a good routine. It's not like I've fallen out the loop or become a slob, but I want to get back to the level I can operate at in terms of both running and weight training.
    - Had a social do last week with some new colleagues. We decided to meet up and properly break the ice as you really cannot get to know someone from scratch over zoom. It was super fun and the ratio was ideal (double the girls to guys). Look forward to meeting up with them all again, especially as I got on pretty well with one of the girls.
    - Trying to continue to make plans that align with the ever-changing gov restrictions in the UK. I think now that I understand I am a relatively social being it's important that I keep arranging things to look forward to, as to not get lost in my own world.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2020
    R3balance and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  4. R3balance

    R3balance Member


    Like that you are out their mingling with ladies. Real connection is important and always motivation!

    for your injury I’ve had my struggles I’m an all or nothing person and I’ve learned the key with injuries is always focus on what you can do and not what you can’t do / lost the ability to do while hurt

    You seem to have wet dreams a lot more than I ever had I find that interesting. I’ve literally only had 3 in my life.

    once was time I took zma supplement and I was 17

    other two times were early 20s on no pmo streaks

    since then never not sure if that means anything or not lol but I find it interesting how others have them often compared to my it’s a rare occurrence
     
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    I hope everything is fine, UK Don!
     
  6. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks for checking in niskanen.

    Unfortunately this week was not good. I relapsed a few times with the final one being today. I feel ashamed writing this, but also determined to get back on the path I was on. Since relapsing earlier I've taken a lot of time to reflect today, and the rest to prepare and set myself up for a good week ahead. I am going to commit to a 'no-booze November' to help me get back on track, too.

    I'll check in semi-regularly, but I know these first few days are always a case of accepting that urges will come strong, and that I need to be vigilant in dealing with them.
     
    niskanen91 and Ccman123 like this.
  7. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Even though I had a week of heavy relapse, I can feel still feel benefits from my 90+ day streak. All has not been lost - in fact if I’m honest, it actually feels like little has been lost. This week I’ve really focused on my work and I feel great for it. It gives me peace of mind in the evenings knowing that I’m getting done what I need to, and that my project is on track.

    Looking forward, I think it necessary to prepare a plan for the lockdown here. I’m seriously going to miss the little social interaction I’ve been having so will need to find ways to replace it. Currently I just plan to exercise twice a day, but I know this won’t cut it. Also, as I get to around 30 days I will inevitably start feeling super frustrated again. At this point I think I should allow myself to MO in the shower, unless a wet dream comes before I feel this frustration. I think this because in these circumstances I don’t think it will help me to have all this extra energy which I long to spend on interacting with girls, which I obviously cannot do. I think it’ll just drive me a bit mad lol. If anyone has any experience with this I’d be interested to hear their opinion on this - I’ve only ever tried hard mode.
     
  8. Krebs

    Krebs Member

    Be careful, it is very easy to relapse again and begin rationalitizing. What about some other forms of spending excess energy? For me, lack of social interacting was a big issue too. reboot during lockdown a way harder.
     
    UK Don and niskanen91 like this.
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    This is my dilemma as well and (while I'm not recovered) here are my 2 cents regarding your situation:
    1) Once I had long streak and I relapse, benefits aren't completely cancelled but it is impossible for real life to produce stimuli same as femdom porn. After the relapse, cravings naturally occur and it's very hard not to use porn again in the next days.
    2) Regarding the MO without porn dilemma, I had the very same dilemma. If you go hard mode and relapse sometimes, you have a string of streaks with no sexual relief at all, which builds incredible tension. For me it led to frustration and even trouble with sleeping. I'd say that on the long run, the "hard mode" is an "impossible mode".
    3) MO'ing too often though leads to ejaculating too much and, for me sometimes, there's no energy, arousal and motivation to chase real partners.
     
    UK Don likes this.
  10. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Thanks both for your input, I hear what you’re saying.

    @Krebs - I get your point about MOing making it easier to rationalise relapsing, as it makes me want to O more. That said, what @niskanen91 mentioned about tension building on long hard mode streaks is absolutely something I can relate to. By the end of my last 90 days hard mode I was going mad with frustration, and an MO would have perhaps calmed me down and stopped the relapse.

    My previous suggestion of 1 MO every 30 days is too lax I think. I’m going to go for another 90 hard mode. After that point I will allow one MO every 30 days. Let’s see how this goes.
     
  11. Krebs

    Krebs Member

    Good luck.
     
    UK Don likes this.
  12. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Great couple of weeks. Flatline has been beautiful - barely had distracting thoughts and I've continued to step my game up at work and in the gym. Timely considering the current lockdown too, as thinking about girls would do me no good atm.
     
    Bilbo Baggins, niskanen91 and Krebs like this.
  13. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    I PMOd again for the last 7 days. It was down to me getting stressed about not doing a task at work. Frustrating typing this as this is not a new realisation. I'm well aware that when I let priorities in life get away from me, I feel guilt and shame. In this moment, I sometimes cower and relapse, but sometimes I face the task at hand, as I have done over the last few months.

    I feel obliged to mention that I feel significantly worse after this relapse. It's been quite a while since I've experienced this type of anxiety and I haven't missed it.

    Anyway, I have finally completed these tasks now, after putting a serious shift in these past couple of days. Time to get back at it with exercise, diet, discipline, you know the drill.
     
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    I know that feeling @UK Don , hope you get back on track quickly :)
     

Share This Page