Feeling suicidal

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by CidGuerreiro, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. Mourne

    Mourne Get it on!!

    you have to be realist.
    No one is going to tell you that you won't get there at the end... but it is the way you live it that makes the difference, that's something real that you can be sure of.
    It's all about choices really, you have to learn to redistribute the way you assign importance to things.
    There are some things that are way too important to you, you have to lower it and focus on yourself, you need resolve.

    The most important thing must always be you, no one else.
    You have to make your mind strong, you have to USE the time that you are alone and not just stay there crying on yourself.

    I'm pretty much sure you heard of the famous rule on the road: whenever you are in a hurry there is always a LONG queue of people slowing you down.
    Well, there is such rule in life and this rule follows the rule of importance, something that becomes too much important for you becomes unreachable, and if it does.. it does so at the cost of unbearable pain or pain to others.
    ...........No. You must not take that road, you can bend this rule.
    Take your choice, then take for granted that it will happen, staying chill about it... afterwards you focus on yourself and on improving yourself socially, emotionally and physically, being dominant in life requires dominance of oneself.

    It always works this way, love and things happen when you are NOT searching for them, because you are natural about it when you behave like this =)

    good luck my friend

    Mourne
     
  2. grzeg12

    grzeg12 New Member

    If I will on your place man, I didn;t take antidepressants.
    Curing brain by taking medications isn;t good solution for me.

    If you haven;t any people who like you, try to find them !

    And stop think about suicide, man, you will have a lot of good things to do in your life.
     
  3. bigproblem

    bigproblem New Member

    Cid,

    We are all there with you. I feel suicidal all the time, but I won't go through with it yet, :) I imagine all the time jumping out of a window and hitting the pavement or simply getting a gun and putting a bullet through my brain. But I promise you things will get better, I think that the original 2-3 month time durations for recovery were for guys that were older and in a better position to recover, we might need a couple of years, it is still better than death. Give it 5 years in an attempt to recover than start considering alternatives like suicide.
     
  4. Reginald

    Reginald 34y/o____________ STICK 2 THE SCRIPT

    @CidGuerreiro,

    Hey man. Where you at?
    I don't have much to add, but echo what Gameover said.

    I'm taking Wellbutrin XL, too -- just started about 3 weeks ago. I was having shittons of suicidal ideations long before I got on the meds, and they're becoming less intense and frequent. So you got me there. (But I'm 34, beyond the age where Wellbutrin increases suicidality.)

    Yeah, come to us for auxillary support, but you're supposed to call your doctor/nurse if any scary stuff is happening. Don't wait for it to get worse, or wait for it to clear up.

    In my Reboot, I also discovered that depression was 'causing' my PMO abuse. PMO abuse was medicating my depression. The way you described your life, it sounds like there are depressive force far stronger than PMO abuse. I see you've MOd recently -- did that help your mood?

    We've got real medicine now, I hope it kicks in real soon for you. KICKASS!
     
  5. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Cid have you ever decided to talk about this with your parents? You need to get help in one way or the other.

    A therapist should also be good for you.

    I mentioned the parents part because you need to find help in your close environment. Trust me your parents will be worried (so were mine), but it can help you tremendously. Just explain everything you're going through. You don't even have to tell them about this porn addiction yet, just the suicide or the depression part should be fine.

    I listened to GABE's story and he talked to his parents, family and friends as well. Don't underestimate this, and they'll probably take you seriously if you mention the suicide part.

    Is your college based on a scholarship? Because we definetly don't want you to drop out of college!
     
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Thank you again for the comments. I've opened the thread because I was terrified from such toughts, as they came out of nowhere after almost 10 years without even considering this possibility. I'll look at the bright side and assume this is a sign that the medication is already affecting my brain.

    @Reginald: my porn habits started with a frustrating adolescence. Few friends and lots of platonic crushes. Onde day, at age 17, I had a huge heartbreak and decided I would close myself in my shelter. If I had decided to simply dust myself up and carry on, maybe I wouldn't be here today. My self reclusion heightened my porn usage, which in turn made me even more recluse. And the MO didn't helped me at all, but didn't made things worse either.

    @High_Achiever: I told my parents I am addicted to the internet, but they didn't took it seriously. They wouldn't believe one can be addicted to porn either, they'se simple people whose lives were completely different from my own. I talked with my mother about my depression and it helped. She supports me in seeking professional help. And I won't drop out of college, not now that I'm almost graduating.
     
  7. jj314

    jj314 Guest

    Hang in there bro.
     
  8. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Don't know what else to add, these guys are great! Glad your listening and talking about things. Keep talking. Get the help you need and deserve. I feel for you. I have a 30 year history of depression, suicidal thinking, self-abuse, using porn to medicate myself, but somehow I got through it. It was a struggle, took years of counseling and therapies, mental and emotional re-learning, working very very hard on making positive changes in my life, diet was a major factor for me. Now I have not needed medication for 8 years, I am no longer depressed. I currently have 28 days of No PMO/No MO. Twenty nine days ago I did not believe I could ever quick porn, I felt it was a lost cause.... till I found this forum and YBOP.com. Now I KNOW I can!

    I want to share my tragedy because I'm hoping that it helps you to keep perspective. A week ago a close relative of mine committed suicide. He suffered from depression and bipolar disorder for over 40 years. He lived a tormented life, but no one knew just how tormented he really was. He didn't tell anyone he was going to do it. It was a complete shock and has devastated family members. Suicide is devastating to those left behind. It was so sad to hear my father crying over the phone. I'm glad you are talking about these thoughts and feelings. Don't ever hesitate to call 911, a suicide prevention hotline, tell your parents, a friend.

    I want to say something cheery now... aren't these guys great at YBR!
     
  9. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Member

    Hang in there mate, just stay on the no pmo bandwagon I myself have noticed my social anixety using the phone has gone for me I used to be quite scared of picking it up to talk to people or even listening to it ring (I know it sounds strange) but this is a commno social anixety probelm but I myself am very social even my general anxiety his improved so much its unreal..

    My breathing feels near enough normal again, I used to forget when to take a break if that makes sense and would have to take one deep breath to feel normal, thats gone.

    Good luck pal were all here for you. 8)
     
  10. theory816

    theory816 Upgrade your grey matter, one day it may matter

    Cid if your taking medications like antidepressents then I suggest you stop. Im against any kind of chemicals because people just dont study the long term affects. I suggest eating healthy foods and juicing. I say juicing because it a natural form of healing your body. Yes healing. Carrot and apple juice alone have been known to cure TERMINAL cancer. Pharmacy makes no money off $5 carrot juice man so of course they gonna keep selling you these drugs! Read a book called One Hundred Million Guinea Pigs. So what do you think its going to do for your depression, your mood? Tis but a drop of water off a ducks back man.
     
  11. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    I agree on the anti-depressants statement,however i find it extremely hard to believe carrot or apple juice alone can cure terminal cancer,or cancer at all.

    One of my stoner 'friends' is one of those "Weed Is Good For You' people,mind you he coughs like an 80 year old that's smoked cigarettes for 50 years.Anyway he watched a 40 minute documentary that he made me painfully watch about these hippies claiming cannabis alone will cure all forms of cancer,including lol...lung cancer.My 'friend' thinks it's good for your brain,he says it doesn't even kill braincells.He also thinks 9/11 was an inside job,bin laden is still alive,and the moon landing was staged.i'm not comparing you to him.

    My point is don't just believe every documentary you watch,to many people are becoming so gullible from media.I have no doubt that the juices are good for you,I'm quitting coffee this weekend and drinking 2 cups of green tea a day,hell i might even get some apple juice.
     
  12. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member


    My personal experience with an SSRI antidepressant (Lexapro - escitalopram oxalate) was it temporarily did help me to deal with depression, it took the edge off and allowed me to then use other things to work on and improve my life such as therapy and diet. But it was not without side-effects, the worst being DE and dulled sensation during orgasm. Dosage was a factor. It helped me to take as little a dose as possible.

    I agree that long term affects are unknown and it's about money for the drug companies, they are legalized drug pushers - I'll check out the book you mention. I don't use any drugs anymore. I use diet and healthy lifestyle changes as medicine. I do agree that freshly made carrot and apple juice has anti-cancer properties. Real, whole foods and juicing can be healing, but it's a total lifestyle change and commitment that isn't easy for many people in the midst of their life crises. There are people who have cured diseases with diet, but they were full on committed to the diet... the diet didn't cure them, it just allowed the body to do what it naturally does - heal itself. But drinking apple and carrot juice while continuing to eat twinkles probably wouldn't be too productive. There is a clinic in Mexico that uses juicing in their life style program to cure cancer, the Gerson Clinic.

    I agree. Research things for yourself.
     
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    All my life I have been against the use of any "pills of happiness", and I wouldn't take it if I had any other options. This is really a last resort.

    I've reached a point where motivational writings and celebrity quotes weren't doing the trick anymore. I'm not a shrink nor a neurologist, but after a lot of research (who needs doctors when you have the internet, right?) I'm convinced that years of untreated depression have deeply messed up my brain chemistry.

    Also, depression is a disease, and most diseases do require medication. I already eat healthy and exercise, so that's out of the table as a solution. I also couldn't care less if some megacorporation is profiting from my misery, as long as it helps me getting out of it.

    If anything, taking medication will at least give me hope that I might get better. I've given up on getting out of this abyss relying solely on motivation, willpower and whatnot. Maybe some people can dust themselves up and move on with theirs lives, but I can't.
     
  14. That's also the story of most of my life! I'm also interested in chatting with someone, I'm currently going through a tough time. I was seeing a psychologist (he is currently travelling abroad for 3 weeks) and I even skipped my last visit to him, because I had just relapsed and felt like shit. Anyways, he concluded that I wasn't depressed because I had causes that motivated my mood swings and legitimate depression (according to him) is when everything in your life is going well, but for some reason you don't feel happy with it.
    I have never thought about suicide and not even right now I consider that option.

    When I go on a say 2 weeks streak I start craving real life interactions nearly as hard as porn cravings can be, but get scared of going out alone or simply don't consider it, because I have no social life, so I stay locked in my room (very common) and start PMOing. Then, (most of the times) I feel bored while watching it and feel unfulfilled and that's when I do go out (I take my parents' car keys and just drive around my city for a long while and then go to buy some sweets or something like that, to try to ease the boredom and void).

    The only social interactions I have occur at my english classes, but I really haven't spoken to anyone of them outside of class. When I go to the gym (which I enjoy a lot) I don't talk to anyone, when I would really like to have a training partner.

    I started college back in january, but had to withdraw from it due to heavy PMO binging and feeling in an endless cirlce of nothingness. Looking back it was a great opprtunity to meet new friends, but I was already absent minded during the second week of classes and time went by eternally. I also told myself that all the girls at my class where ugly, but that's probably caused by porn.

    I know that the cause of my unwell being is not porn, it's the fact that I tend to feel uncomfortable around people and it has tormented my whole life.
     
  15. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Maybe you and Cid can talk with each other on SKype? That might get the ball rolling for some of you?

    Also I would advice the both of you to seek help from someone in your environment. Talk about it with someone you can trust.

    And there are tons of opportunities for social interactions (classes, new hobbies), you're just not seeing them.
     

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