"Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 24y/o - Back after a long hiatus!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by fugu, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Really good question. I fell in love with the girl before I was having the serious effects of PIED and brain numbness/emotional numbness. I met the girl a little before my 17th birthday, but about 4 months later I got my fist laptop from college and started watching porn every night and even some mornings on it. I noticed I was having trouble getting hard by the summer time, but I didn't think much of it except for nerves and the fact I was scared to leave her and go to college.

    My libido started to nose dive even more in subsequent years - I'd have weeks where everything would go fine, and then weeks where I couldn't get it hard enough for sex....although almost always it would be 40% erections when I failed. I think she at first thought this was because of stress (I'm very dedicated to school), but by the end of our relationship she had to be suspicious of it....no man can have that much trouble getting up sometimes unless there is something wrong. After we broke up is when it ALL went to hell - since I didn't have the "real deal" with me anymore, it was just me and porn for about 6 months and by the time I was ready to get with another girl...it didn't even flinch (which was the worse it ever gotten).

    So I guess I would say that I got into my longterm relationship with a libido, but I stayed in it because I cared about her.
     
  2. Oilers92

    Oilers92 Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Haha thanks. I was thinking about using it as a tattoo.
     
  3. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    I've had a bad cold but my mood is STILL up this week - hoping that this streak continues and that I keep feeling better and better :)
     
  4. Oilers92

    Oilers92 Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Are you ever tempted to PMO while you're sick? That seems to be my weakness lol. Glad to hear that you are in a good mood :)
     
  5. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    No, I don't really get temptations too much anymore to be honest! Those went away after 60-70 days no PMO. I think the biggest temptations for me were on nights when I couldn't sleep/had some insomnia going on. PMO was my fall back on those nights!
     
  6. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    "We are not now that strength which in old days
    Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
    One equal temper of heroic hearts,
    Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
    To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

    This poem was in James Bond Skyfall...really loved it. :) STAY STRONG.
     
  7. Cheese

    Cheese New Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Nice man nice. Keep up the progress.
     
  8. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Thinking I'll make a day150 report tonight about my experiences and whatnot - might be helpful for some people, and also might be beneficial for me to record some of the things I've experienced and chart where I'm at.
     
  9. Oilers92

    Oilers92 Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    Good idea man! I look forward to seeing it.
     
  10. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!

    150 DAYS WITHOUT PMO

    Hey everyone! I decided to document my experiences thus far in my reboot. 5 months is a long time without PMO, and maybe this can provide some insight or comfort for some people while also being a good way for me to collect and organize my own thoughts on my reboot thus far! This is a journal after all, right?! ;)

    So the bottom line with this all is I still need more time, but I'm definitely seeing slow and steady progress. If I'm being real with myself this should be expected - I was in pretty deep with my porn habits, and I'm a young guy so this is to be expected.

    CRAVINGS: Rarely! I don't CRAVE porn or have motivation at all to look at it. This probably ended for me around day 60 of my reboot. I just really don't give a shit about. This being said, I remember days 30-45 being HORRIBLE for me craving wise - some days I went to bed watching movies on my laptop and I remember my urges being so bad I had to repeat, over and over again, phrases like "I want a girlfriend someday" or "I want a better life" (this worked for me, by the way). Dark times. But no more.

    Social anxiety/depression/mood: I've been really lucky to never have paralyzing social anxiety, and even in the deepest part of my PMO days I could go out and have a nice time....although I have definitely become more relaxed and carefree. Even...EXCITED to approach women sometimes. The biggest and best thing to my mental state has been slowly happening it recent days - my brain fog has been lifting and I've been really excited about life. Like, life feels endless and the opportunities are endless. Great feeling that almost brings a tear to my eye! It's not there everyday, but it's slowly developing and getting better. I had no signs of this feeling for the first 120 days of my reboot so patience is rewarded...but I did have it during my FIRST reboot during day 60.

    Morning woods/wet dreams: It's hard for me to be sure about the consistency of my morning woods, but I have definitely had a lot more nocturnal erections past day 60. Around that time during my reboot, I began to have more sensation in my groin...like a tingling and a sense of presence. My morning woods/nocturnal erections increased after this. I've had a shit ton of wet dreams. THEY ARE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT (at least, in my experience). I've had as many as 8 in two weeks, and even two in one night once. They aren't AT ALL like the effects of MO, so try not to worry about them too much.

    Libido: My libido was completely void until day 105ish. Perhaps I had a random day or two where I felt a little horny, but nothing spectacular. I haven't entered "multiple flatlines" or anything like that, it has just been a very slow (but steady) growth of my libido since around that time. It feels GREAT to have weathered the worst of my low libido, and practicing patience is key. I haven't had ANY spontaneous erections whatsoever, but then again I haven't expected to. I have noticed recently that when I think about the hot girl in front of me in class or something my penis flinches and BEGINS to move...but I don't try to go down that avenue of thought too long. But it's CLEARLY progress.

    Advice and tips: The biggest tip I have is talk, kiss, cuddle, and be with as many girls as you can. I think this ACCELERATES your reboot greatly. Don't orgasm under any circumstances, though - I've been in 4-5 situations like this since day 100 and in half of them the girl asked to go farther. Just don't, just don't, just don't! Tell her you just got out of a relationship or want to take it slow. With this being said, though, I think it's still possible to recover without that type of interaction, too.

    Focus on everything BUT your reboot. Try to eliminate your compulsive habits (as best as you can), and just occupy yourself with beneficial things like reading, doing your homework, watching good movies and socializing! While I don't have any hard evidence to back this up, I really think this can speed your reboot up, too.



    Again, any questions or conversations fellow rebooters wanna have I'm totally down for! Practice patience!
     
  11. Cheese

    Cheese New Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 140+ days no PMO! Questions are welcomed!


    I find it really amazing how things can be so goddamn slow, and then finally start to pick up after so long. I'd guess that goes to show how seriously fucked up our brains have been damaged over the years. That's why I think a longer flatline is a pretty good indicator of more damage, which is why older guys are good to go much faster.

    I also love how you pointed out the feeling you had after 120+ days was also present in the first reboot. That really hits home with me because I went through exactly the same shit: I also had a few random days (40s maybe) that were far better than anything I've experienced before. Except, the thing is that they're really unpredictable. However, despite that, I think it is true that over time things will even out so that that same feeling now becomes the norm, not an anomaly. It's funny how in retrospect I think it was my body's way of telling me "Here's a little taste of this delicious pie. You can try it, but you can't have the rest until you've finished your dinner." Eventually if you stick it out, it will be completely yours. That's kind of how I see it. Your body wants it just as badly as you, but only you can make it happen.

    Say for example, some guy tells you to take this brick from one spot and place it somewhere else at his choice. And say you continue to do this everyday, each day carrying a new brick and placing it where he instructs. And say you went through this experience everyday for months. Over time, you eventually get sick of it and ask the guy "Why am I doing this? What the hell is the point of this?" Now he walks you up to the top of a hill and says "Behold, this is your creation." It's a magnificent fucking house, the house of your dreams, built only by YOUR hard work and determination.

    And this is exactly what I realized. This whole process is not just about doing x, y, or z. It's a much more rewarding experience that you can only appreciate after you've stepped back and truly respected the process.
     
  12. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Super well said Cheese. You have a great way with words! For too long I was focused on the end result of just curing my PIED, but the journey is easier and more rewarding if you take it day by day and notice the subtleties. :)
     
  13. Cheese

    Cheese New Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Yes exactly. Everything is just so complicated as it is that it's just not possible to focus merely on the end goal and ignore everything else. EVERY little thing has a role, whether you see it or not. There are always variables to consider, and you can easily overlook them if you only focus on the end.
     
  14. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Strip clubs are NASTAY. So dirty and dispassionate! I can't get over the older dudes in the corner getting off to it LOL. Not so sure if I'm going to do that again.
     
  15. Cheese

    Cheese New Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Lesson learned. You wouldn't have been able to realize this if you hadn't gone in the first place. Live and learn.
     
  16. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Hey fugu, congratulations on become a moderator. Good to see that someone who's serious about this is a mod :)

    Do you have any advice? I'm at my wits end....how did you go 150 days? How do you stop yourself when you have the urges? I just don't know what to do anymore...nothing helps :(

    Sorry for this emo-whoring but...I dunno...
     
  17. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Thanks man! I'm glad I can help out a little around here! My advice for getting the ball rolling is just envisioning what you want. For me, I could choose PMO or choose a life with a girls, love, and romance. Around day 30 of my reboot I had urges so bad when I was lying in bed in night that I literally had to repeat "I want a girlfriend" and "I want romance, I want intimacy" outloud alone in my dark room. Silly, but I just did it. Also make sure that it is your number one priority - it comes before EVERYTHING else in your life. Like for me....literally everything. The psychological importance I placed on it for me is ridiculous - I would probably even drop out of school if I had to choose between that and ever look at porn again.

    I find working out helps a lot, too. I'm an avid weight lifter myself, but I know running and aerobics do GREAT nuerochemical things and can make your life less stressful (which in turn can make your decision making a little better).

    You can totally do this man! Prioritize it, visualize what you want, and just don't ever ever ever ever give up.
     
  18. Oilers92

    Oilers92 Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    Hey fugu! Random question.. But I'm curious to see what you'll say! If you could go back in time and visit your old PMO self, what would you say?? How would you convince your old self that the pain of abstaining is worth it?
     
  19. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO! 150 day "report" inside

    I think I would visit myself last spring (when I was at my worst and had no idea what's wrong with me) and say to myself, "I know why you've felt emotionally numb, brain foggy, and depressed the last 3 years. It's porn. Quit the porn and you'll be able to feel again." If I would have known why I felt so crappy sometimes and how good I could potentially feel...I would have done this so much sooner. :)
     
  20. Oilers92

    Oilers92 Guest

    Re: "Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 22y/o - 150+ days no PMO

    @fugu

    Haha great response man. I always wonder if the changes are really that noticeable. It's encouraging to hear that you are doing much better
     

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