"Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta" - 24y/o - Back after a long hiatus!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by fugu, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Hey everyone! I go by fugu, and I've been lurking here since August and became a member around September. Just have to start by saying there's a great community here...everyone is so supportive and informative and I look forward to hearing from some of you. :)

    So a little bit about me...I'm 22 years old, and I'm a biology major at a university in the midwest. I've been looking at porn consistently since I was about 12 or 13, but I definitley saw nudey pictures way before that (at like 10 years old probably!). I GOT STARTED EARLY. ;)

    When I was 17 I got into a longterm relationship with a great girl - we're now broken up because we're just completely different people, but even during this relationship I can remember having trouble getting hard during sex. There'd be good weeks where I'd be a sexual dynamo, and weeks where it wouldn't even happen. I didn't really think anything of it at the time, but I should have put two and two together: I was looking at porn once or twice a day EVEN with my girlfriend!

    In the spring the two of us broke up, and it was just me and porn. My porn habits didn't change at all, but 4 months later when I tried to get with another girl, my penis didn't move AT ALL. Not in the slightest. I googled tons of stuff to see what was wrong with me...at first I thought it was low testosterone or something like that, but once I stumbled upon yourbrainonporn and the website it dawned on me...HOLY SHIT I'VE BEEN USING SO MUCH PORN I CAN'T GET IT UP.

    I quit porn the moment I realized how bad it was for you. I HAD MASSIVE withdrawls - I almost couldn't believe it. I've never had a panic attack before in my life, but I had 3-4 within the first 5 weeks of quitting. I had some days where I felt so depressed I couldn't move (which is strange for me because I'm really a happy go lucky type of guy). As time went on I started to feel better mentally, and gradually my morning woods increased until....

    I got really horny and masturbated (without porn) one night. Boom. Back into a flatline. More panic attacks. Depression and lack of focus. I'm only NOW starting to come out of my flatline again - my morning wood is returning, and my libido is almost present every day! I have an actual interest/magnetism in women again. It's CRAZY that I surpressed my libido for so long that this type of primal arousal is surprising to me!

    So I've been doing everything possible to speed up this recovery - working out 6 times a week, meditating as much as possible, socializing, etc. I'm mainly creating this because things are starting to get interesting in my recovery...I'm emerging from my flatline, and my libido and penis are changing and I just want to have a place to document and share all these changes! I've never felt so positive about my recovery!

    128 days no porn, 70 + days no MO!

    IT'S WORKING SLOWLY BUT SURELY! :)
     
  2. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta

    I've felt really off since school ended for me. I'm not sure. Does anyone feel dread that they'll never be able to get an erection with a girl again?

    I know this isn't true as long as I don't PMO, but man...somedays I worry. :/
     
  3. Samurai

    Samurai Ex dolore fortitudo

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta

    Hello Fugu! Over a hundred days without porn and 70 or more (how many now?) free from masturbation is a great accomplishment, and I hope you take pride in that. Not many people are able to reach those numbers.

    I'm a young member here so I do not quite know how to best answer your question; however, I can say that obsessing and worrying is not going to do you any good. There's plenty of testimonies out there proving that it can indeed be cured. Just be patient. Regular morning wood is a good sign though, so I would guess that you're almost healed.
     
  4. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta

    Thanks man! Yeah I am really proud of it. I know I won't relapse and I've been actually astonished at how well I've held to my guns on that! It's hard but I'm pretty committed. Yeah my morning wood is coming back, but it has been relatively weak so we'll see...but at least it's there every day. :) Thanks for writing!
     
  5. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta

    90 days today of no porn, masturbation or orgasm at all! It's been a revealing 90 days, indeed. I'm definitely not nearly fully recovered yet - maybe half way there to being fully sexually functional? I'm starting to understand that this process is long, but if you observe the nuances of the changes going on in your body it is truly exciting.

    My morning erections have begun to return very slowly, but are definitely increasing in strength and longevity the last 30 days. It's really exciting to watch and observe and see the progress. I had morning erections around week 3 that started disappearing around day 45, but after day 65 they came back about five out of seven days a week. At first they were relatively weak, maybe 6/10 in strength on average? This morning was a rare "diamond cutter hard" (lol), and it felt great to have!

    I've also been having a tingling sensation down stairs in my testicle region - not a bad feeling, but almost a warmth and an energy to it that I'm enjoying a lot. It's very noticeable, and a clear indicator of that the rebooting process works!

    No spontaneous erections yet and still a fairly low libido with women on most days, but I can't expect to be recovered in 90 days of no PMO with my prior porn habits.

    EXCITING TIMES.
     
  6. TheUknown

    TheUknown Gonna Quit Fapping And Porn For forever now.

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 90+ DAYS NO PMO!

    Good to here. Keep going. It get's better.
     
  7. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 90+ DAYS NO PMO!

    I completely believe that. Some days are really frustrating and I feel like I'm not making any progress or have been stagnant, but it's important to step back every once and awhile and just see your reboot in retrospect. I've definitely come a long ways!
     
  8. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    YES! I just hit 100 days of no porn, masturbation or orgasm whatsoever!

    It's a little weird for me because last night I had my first wet dream about porn....but I guess this shows I just need some more time.

    I'm not close yet to being sexually functional - maybe half way?

    For now I'm just happy I made it this far :)
     
  9. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    By the way, for anyone reading this feel free to ask questions; I made this more for question answering than journaling so just go for it! :)
     
  10. EJohn7439

    EJohn7439 New Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    Hey dude, thanks for opening a question forum and for helping other guys going through this. I have a kind of a personal question, feel free not to answer it if you dont want to. Since this is an anonymous forum where we are all trying to help each other though, I figure I'd ask.

    During your recovery, did your penis ever become constantly stiff, and shrunk some while flaccid? Mine is, and it is a real cause of concern for me. Thanks again.
     
  11. AzureGenesis

    AzureGenesis New Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    fugu,

    100 days! That is wonderful. I'm quite happy for ya man. I second the previous "thanks" for opening up a question forum concerning your progress etc.

    My question concerns masturbation. To my great surprise I am having more trouble fighting masturbation than pornography. I've had some close calls but haven't slipped yet. Any tips/words/experiences that can help with this? I see your masturbated once during your process than never again.
     
  12. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    Yes mine did! It was horrendously shrunken for the first 30 days and then it has been shrunken on and off since then - I'm still kind of in a flatline and sometimes my penis looks like it is in one.

    But yes yes I remember for the first 30 days it was really really shrunken but I didn't worry about it too much because all the accounts I read showed people EVENTUALLY getting over it as long as they abstained. Thanks for asking man and ask others if you want!
     
  13. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    Yes I did masturbate once during the process and it was the worst thing I have done in my reboot so far. I slipped into a 3 week period where I had 5-6 panic attacks, zero libido, and even some mild HOCD. In fact, I would say the period after my first time masturbating was harder for me than the 3 weeks after quitting PMO all together.

    However, with that being said, some people have recovered completely with a sporadic regime of masturbating included in the rebooting process. Hell, some people even said that they found masturbating to be an important part of restoring their libido after a certain time of no PMO.

    My experience with the one time I masturbated seemed to be pretty extreme in comparison to others, but there certaintly have been some instances of people going 200+ days without P but MO'ing and they are still in flatline and stuff. I think the forum member 22 was an example of this, but due to recent recommendations by Gary Wilson and others has dropped masturbating and seen really good results. Conversely, however, The Underdog included masturbation in his reboot and he recovered completely.

    So it definitely varies for each individuals, but one thing is almost completely certain: there is no guaranteed time table of recovery for those who choose to masturbate during their reboot, and your reboot will be faster and (likely) more painless if you avoid it.

    Thanks for the question and always, always feel free to ask more!
     
  14. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    Nice job fugu!

    I'll meet you in 2 weeks in the hall of fame. ;D

    We have a similar recovery story, I think we both need more time than 100 days, am I right?
     
  15. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    Yeah way more than 100 days. I could see this going another 100 days, perhaps even more? We'll see. How're you doing? Any improvement?

    See ya in that hall of fame soon!
     
  16. EJohn7439

    EJohn7439 New Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ DAYS NO PMO!

    Its funny you mention that, because I am nearing 30 days, and my penis was significantly less shrunk today. I even got two spontaneous erections, including waking up to morning wood for the first time in God knows how long. However, now in the afternoon, my penis has shrunk back to where it was before. It's like it woke up for a few hours than went right back to the sleep it was in. Oh well, it is definitely a sign of improvement. Thanks man for you input.
     
  17. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    That's great news! Yeah, I still have days where the physical flatline is evident but it gets better and better...keep me informed on how your reboot goes!
     
  18. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    Made out with a girl last night and was completely hard during the whole makeout....That's the most substantial progress I've seen thus far! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
     
  19. EJohn7439

    EJohn7439 New Member

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    Awesome dude
     
  20. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Feelin' Good, Livin' Betta - 100+ days no PMO! ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT! :)

    Yep definitely progress. I used to get this when i was 18. I wanna get back to that.
     

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