Hey everyone! I go by fugu, and I've been lurking here since August and became a member around September. Just have to start by saying there's a great community here...everyone is so supportive and informative and I look forward to hearing from some of you. So a little bit about me...I'm 22 years old, and I'm a biology major at a university in the midwest. I've been looking at porn consistently since I was about 12 or 13, but I definitley saw nudey pictures way before that (at like 10 years old probably!). I GOT STARTED EARLY. When I was 17 I got into a longterm relationship with a great girl - we're now broken up because we're just completely different people, but even during this relationship I can remember having trouble getting hard during sex. There'd be good weeks where I'd be a sexual dynamo, and weeks where it wouldn't even happen. I didn't really think anything of it at the time, but I should have put two and two together: I was looking at porn once or twice a day EVEN with my girlfriend! In the spring the two of us broke up, and it was just me and porn. My porn habits didn't change at all, but 4 months later when I tried to get with another girl, my penis didn't move AT ALL. Not in the slightest. I googled tons of stuff to see what was wrong with me...at first I thought it was low testosterone or something like that, but once I stumbled upon yourbrainonporn and the website it dawned on me...HOLY SHIT I'VE BEEN USING SO MUCH PORN I CAN'T GET IT UP. I quit porn the moment I realized how bad it was for you. I HAD MASSIVE withdrawls - I almost couldn't believe it. I've never had a panic attack before in my life, but I had 3-4 within the first 5 weeks of quitting. I had some days where I felt so depressed I couldn't move (which is strange for me because I'm really a happy go lucky type of guy). As time went on I started to feel better mentally, and gradually my morning woods increased until.... I got really horny and masturbated (without porn) one night. Boom. Back into a flatline. More panic attacks. Depression and lack of focus. I'm only NOW starting to come out of my flatline again - my morning wood is returning, and my libido is almost present every day! I have an actual interest/magnetism in women again. It's CRAZY that I surpressed my libido for so long that this type of primal arousal is surprising to me! So I've been doing everything possible to speed up this recovery - working out 6 times a week, meditating as much as possible, socializing, etc. I'm mainly creating this because things are starting to get interesting in my recovery...I'm emerging from my flatline, and my libido and penis are changing and I just want to have a place to document and share all these changes! I've never felt so positive about my recovery! 128 days no porn, 70 + days no MO! IT'S WORKING SLOWLY BUT SURELY!