Feel awful, erectile dysfunction, losing hope, probably lose my girlfriend too

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by fedupofthis, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. fedupofthis

    fedupofthis New Member

    Hi All,

    I have suffered from erectile dysfunction for a good 5 years now. Rarely ever having any morning erections in that time. I'll try to keep this short but I'm desperate. :(

    I finally went to a specialist the other day, even paid money to go private as I've just got a new girlfriend. I spoke to her about sex and said that I want to take things slowly and that I'm anxious as I suffer from anxiety a lot. The doctor couldn't find anything physically wrong with me. Had a full check up including bloods being taken and testosterone was fine. May be worth mentioning I had to have an operation to have my balls lowered when born (not sure what the name is). I can't take any meds like Viagra as I have tinnitus and I don't want to make that worse as it's devastating. So, I've come to the point where I feel hopeless, until I read about porn-induced ED.

    Considering I haven't had many morning erections in the last 5 years, say once a year or twice maybe, could this still be porn induced? As I read that if you don't have M.W. it's a physical problem. But anyway, I've been watching porn since I was about 11 years old, I'm now 23. I feel like I have de-sensitized my self as most things on sites aren't enough to get me turned on, like It has to be very specific things/fetishes. I feel like I don't have the sex drive that others do, maybe it's because of this too? I get erections but they're very short lived and never full, mostly like a 6/10 at most in terms of hardness.

    My girlfriend initially says that sex doesn't matter, but has now said that she's finding it hard and I asked her how long she thinks she can go without it and she said 2 months, more if needed. I feel so awful and under pressure. I really don't want to lose her as she's filled my life with so much joy, as I was very low before. I read that for the first 2-8 weeks you have a flat line where your sex drive goes completely? so with this time frame I'm pretty screwed. :(

    I've had sex before with a previous partner, but she didn't care about sex that much so there was less pressure. We went through a period of having sex but I wasn't enjoying it a lot, I was fantasizing in my head a lot to keep it remotely hard. I seem to have a lack of sensitivity in my penis too. I'm not circumcised but the skin only covers about half the gland, could this be why I don't enjoy it as much too? But circumcised people seem to have great sex still?

    I know anxiety plays a role in ED, but I know there's definitely more to it than that seeing as I get no morning wood either.

    I've probably missed out loads of info so please ask away!

    Any help is greatly appreciated.
  2. Lawk

    Lawk New Member

    If you ran out any phisical problem, and you couldn't perform with your girlfriend with who you are probably confortable, there's a big chance it's Porn induced ED.
    Do you still watch porn ? how often ?
    do you masturbate in a normal way ?

    Its pretty awful that you can't take viagra. It saved my relationship until now, when I'm slowly recovering and lowering the dosage.
  3. fedupofthis

    fedupofthis New Member

    Thanks for coming back to me. I'm just in a constant state of panic at the moment.

    I am comfortable with her, I've struggled in the past too so I know something is amiss. I stopped watching porn from yesterday. I was watching it once or twice a day, sometimes even more and masturbating 2-3 times a day. As far as I'm aware it's in a normal way.

    Yeah it is, that's what's making me more worried, although there are other things like the cream, pellet and injection.

    How come we suffer when other people watch lots of porn don't suffer? It's strange.
  4. dualwield

    dualwield Member

    PIED: simple test. If you get hard with porn but now without it, then you suffer from PIED.

    I have had a gf for 6 months now and she waited patiently for me too recover. I am still not ok, but I can have sex without Viagra now from time to time. An understanding girlfriend is key in this. If she can't wait for you then she might not be worth your while. But use the time and rewire as much as possible, things might work out :)

    My advice is to stop porn and masturbation immediately since it will only help you in the process and hopefully make you horny soon.
    57yrold likes this.
  5. fedupofthis

    fedupofthis New Member

    Okay bit of an update.

    Since 20th December I have twice failed but not orgasm'd.

    i looked at dirty pictures twice without realising and touching my self, didn't edge just got hard then thought what am I doing.

    Today I had a sex dream and woke up with a 95% erection which is weird as it's been years. I've noticed my penis is also a lot more sensitive and I can get hard in about 1 minute to about 85% erection without even any sexual thoughts, I hope this is progress.

    On the other hand, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend and there was just nothing happening, I think my performance anxiety is defeating me.

    Also worth mentioning, got drunk on New Years and we had sex for a few minutes before I went soft but I guess that's something.

    Still no Orgasm in 17 days, though.

    This lack of sex is really coming between my girlfriend and I though, we keep having little fallouts, because I need the constant reassurance and she's confusing me. One minute she says she will stand by me through this as I can pleasure her in other ways, but then sometimes it feels like I'm not able to pleasure her as much in other ways and it feels like I will lose her if I don't sort this out soon. She deserves so much better. I think Anxiety and PIED is the problem here. I just don't know how to get through it.
  6. Recovered

    Recovered Member


    Sounds like you're making some progress. But it's early days for you and you will need a lot more time to reboot. Just stick with it. Commit to quit PMO and MO. I believe for some men masturbating can be as bad as PMOing. I know it was no good for me.

    It can be difficult to handle ED when you're in a relationship. You'll have to find your way around here but try not to get overly dramatic. It will only make things worse. Some girls unfortunately think ED is related to their self-worth bizarrely enough. Be as cool and relaxed about it around her as you can (I know, easier said than done but try).

    If you've watched porn and masturbated since you were 11 you will probably need to reboot and rewire for quite som time. It took me about 10 months to be able to have penetrative sex but I kept progressing for almost a year or a year and a half after this. I had ED for over 20 years (since about 16-1), so if I can regain my sexual health and erectile capability, you can too.

    All you need is plenty of time, not touch you're penis except for cleaning and peeing (this means NO touching AT ALL) which will build up sensitivity and erectile capability. For me realistic fantasy limited to my girlfriend helped me by building up sexual anticipation which enabled me to perform better when we went for sex.

    Also, like you yourself say perfomance anxiety plays a big, if not huge, part. This shouldn't be underestimated.

    Be sure to check gameover's help guide for relaxing your PC-muscle: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=24720.0. For many of us guys this has been tensed up for years through bad masturbation patterns and PMOing. I found it very helpful learning to relax my pelvic, buttocks and thighs whilst deep breathing and consciously relaxing the perineum (the area between your anus and your penis).

    Good luck.
  7. martinlexie

    martinlexie New Member

    My partner has been suffering from erectile dysfunction for about 2 years. Nothing helps but Viagra. It is expensive, but if you order it online, you can save a fortune. Not so long ago we found a good website offering cheap yet effective Viagra pills.
  8. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    I'm certainly no expert, but from what you're saying, and what I've read, it does seem like you have PIED.

    I started out by educating myself on the subject. Start with yourbrainonporn.com and rebootnation.org . Read all the success stories and watch the videos. Excellent information.

    From everything I've read, I've decided to completely give up P, M, and O for a significant amount of time. Recommendation is 90 days, but I'm quite sure I'm going to take much longer than that, which is fine.

    The idea is to take a complete break and re-boot back to a pre-porn state. It's called hardmode. NO P, NO M, NO O. Period. None.

    I'm at about 70 days so far and my PIED is no better, BUT I've found many other benefits. I'm way more relaxed. Used to have social anxiety to the point where I couldn't leave the house. Now I'm out and about all the time and I'm much less irritated with people I encounter.

    Also, my wife and I are much closer, both emotionally and physically. We fool around a lot, but it's mostly me doing stuff to her. Neither one of us touches my penis.

    I struggled to tell her at first, but after a couple weeks I couldn't keep it from her. She was angry at first, but soon got over it and now she's quite supportive and helpful.

    It seems that you are under a tremendous amount of pressure from your partner. This is very unfortunate. Seems like this would just make everything much worse. Again, I'm no expert, but maybe if you tell her everything that's going on in your head, she might relax a bit too and be supportive.

    If she's still putting pressure on you, and only wants you if you can have sex with her, maybe that's a stressful element that you don't need right now.

    I'm very sorry to hear you're having these problems! I think you might enjoy just shutting everything down for a few months and relaxing. I'm quite sure that eventually you'll be able to get erections very easily, and things will only improve from there.

    Best of luck to you! We're all rooting for your success!
  9. shattered

    shattered Member

    Only one path - cut out P and MO completely for 6 months. This should be the #1 priority. While you're doing that, improve your life in other ways via exercise and lifelong learning. I'm about to embark on this journey myself, and am prepared for some sleepless nights.
  10. VJ

    VJ Member

    Why say you are prepared for sleepless nights ?
  11. shattered

    shattered Member

    Generally, whenever I quit something like MO or alcohol, the only side effect I have is the inability to sleep at night. This problem can be mitigated by exercise.
  12. shattered

    shattered Member

    Sure enough, I had trouble sleeping, and slipped because of it.
  13. VJ

    VJ Member

    Guess even I experienced slippage when I don’t sleep or sleep late. That particular day I can’t sleep and keep imagining stuff which lead me to M and after that I will regret very deeply for my activity. I was slipping like this for around 2 years. Now I am on 15th day with no PMO but with little femdom fantasy thought then and now sometimes
  14. Deezy

    Deezy if you don't peek then no relapse

    Hey man! I know what you're going through. It took me about a year to finally have successful orgasm/sex with my girlfriend. It takes a lot of patience and time. But now I can have sex/orgasm no problem.

    Everyone here is right: stay away from porn and masturbation. I suggest having oral and finger intercourse with your girl. 1) It doesn't involve your erection 2) it'll get her off. This type of sex will buy you some time with your girl's needs. Honestly, rewire through touch, kissing, oral, playing around, being naked with a real woman. It's great you are already having a little sex - don't worry about the lack of orgasm. Try your best to have a good time with your GF - AN ORGASM WILL COME! Just say positive the best you can, brotha!

    57yrold likes this.
  15. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    If you think you've had ED for 5 years and you're only 23, then either you're a rare case of physical ED at that age, or it's PIED. I guess the latter as you've been into porn since you were 11.

    So, you need to stop porn. Over. Gone. For ever. There's no need to have any relapses. You'll have a much better life, take it from an older guy. If I were you I'd try not to masturbate or even touch your penis except when peeing and showering. Better to think of touching your penis for other reasons as your girlfriend's job.

    The other thing I'd say is, be definite about improving your life and about being a better, more determined man. I think you'll be surprised how much your girlfriend will like that, if you keep at it rather than just talking and relapsing. All women are different of course but in my experience, most women need to feel they're attractive to you and will feel bad if your body seems not to be, but that doesn't mean they absolutely physically need sex. A girl who is really into you and admires your self-control as a man may well be able to stick with you as long as you are that man she admires and as long as you give her all you can. Kiss her and touch her a lot. Tell her about your feelings. Give her all the sex you can and don't deny her things (like if she wants to kiss your penis, let her).

    You should think of this as a long term thing. If you lose this girl, at 23 that's not the end of the world even if it seems like it right now. You should still be rebooting so that you have a great sex life with your next girlfriend. But if you do really commit to rebooting and rewiring with this girl, and are honest with her and determined, then I bet you keep her.
  16. Mcgregor

    Mcgregor Member

    @britishbloke you are a wise man.

    I can totally agree with you!
  17. shattered

    shattered Member

    Great advice. I'm 40, and my many years of dealing with this confirm this wisdom.
  18. Ralph McDonald

    Ralph McDonald New Member

    There are many medicinal treatments for erectile dysfunction available in the market, you can try those.

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