Farewell Happy Place

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Living, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Newts are endangered here too. I don't know if you are too far from the nearest natural body of water though. If I remember correctly both newts and toads spend a large part of their life on land and use puddles as well as ponds. So don't give up yet;) I totally agree on the allure of water though. Whenever in meditation or whatever I have to imagine a safe place it's always a pond in a forest. Somehow that's what 'home' is to me.
  2. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Got about 600m to the nearest moving water, and a little over 1km to the nearest pond. That shouldn't be too far away I suppose. In Sweden we got many of these small forest ponds/tarns which may be close to your imagination. The water is tranquil and dark, and often surrounded by trees. They're very nice vistas, especially as the sun is setting.
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I'm having a bit of a problematic day today. I think a combination of issues has made me come a lot closer to PMO then I have been in a the last two months. There has been quite a bit of stress at work the last couple of days, I had a bad argument with my girlfriend and slept a bit too short for three days in a row. Today my GF is off to work for a quite a long day which meant an 'excellent opportunity'. On top of that today has been the start of my week off, which is a very positive thing ofcourse, but it also means that part of me thinks I deserve a break on not endulging into porn too (Love you brains!o_O). More so, because that's what I did during previous holidays. And then there is just general horniness. This lovely cocktail resulted in bombarding myself porn fantasies. I went a bit too further then I would like at this stage by feeding those fantasies and masturbating a bit in bed. I don't really have a problem with masturbating, but this was way too porn enduced. I first want to get a bit further with dealing with my life before I will consider masturbation as an option.

    Anyhow, I did pull through (as in not giving in) and I think I'm back in the safe zone. I had a nap to tackle the sleeping issues and I watched on my workphone to see if one of the work issues was solved. I don't like to check my workphone while I'm not working, but in this case it relieve the stress. Not too worried about the rest of my vacation. It is an incident caused by a bad combination of factors and there really is no reason to think it will affect the uncoming days. Besides, my girlfriend is off too, so there will be less opportunity. While it was a troublesome day I'm actually happy that I was able to pull myself through. I think confidence has always been very important factor in dealing with my issues. Realizing that it's just one day and that I have managed to get through difficult days before helps me a lot.

    Three good things:
    -Went on a walk to the wetlands today. The weather was really nice, though a bit chilly still in the morning. I saw a bigger tern, wasn't sure which one because I don't know a lot about terns, but it was still pretty cool. I also saw a couple of whinchats. I've seen them here before, but they are endangered here, so it's always good to see them:) During my walk I short sit in the grass with butterflies and birds all around me. That was rather nice!
    -Last weeks walk was a bit more spectacular I guess. I went to the area where my father grew up. It's a really nice rural area with lots of forests, stream valleys and a large heath. I was especially surprised by the massive amounts of yellow hammers, but I also saw stone chats and common linnets. It's so awesome to notice how I have become better at discerning birds by song. Last year I still found that really hard, but these days during my walks I'm able to recognize quite a few birds before I see them. One of the best things of the walk was coming back to an old damned part of a canal I remember seeing once when I was really young. My father took me there and the vision of such clear water in these parts has always stuck with me. I knew were about it was, but when I saw it I was really thrilled. You could see through the water and all the water plants for pretty far. Out here that is really unheard of. I'm really going back there soon. It was a great walk.
    -A couple of weeks back I was eating with friends and we were talking holidays. And these friends they love going abroad a couple of times a year and me and my girlfriend just aren't like that. I mean, I like traveling, but I also being 'at home'. It's not that I don't value seeing other places, but I think there is still soooo much to discover out here. I'm a strong believer that you can expand your world by going somewhere different, but also by zooming in on the environment you know. Today during my walk I experienced once again how true that is. If you are open to the idea that there is so much more and you start to learn things your world just explodes. You will suddenly see things that you never saw before. It always amazes me how much more I experience in the same environment than I did 10 years ago or perhaps even a year ago. For example regularly seeing kinds of butterflies, like blues and orange tips, I never noticed when I was younger, but which I'm pretty sure should have been there too. Or seeing different species of bumblebees just because I've learned that a bumblebee is not a single species. That last one always flusters me when I talk with people about bumblebees. A lot of the time people ask: "You mean there is more then one species of bumblebee?" And I'm always surprised by that question, because it is so evident to me that there are different species. But the thing is that 10 years ago I might have asked the same question. It makes me wonder just how subjective are senses are. For some reason we just don't see a whole reality that is definitly out there until we learn to look. In a way that's totally baffling and rather humbling too.

    I guess that's enough for today:)

    Oh yeah, @Eternity, I think that's enough to attract animals from the water. And you are really lucky to be living in Sweden. Ofcourse there are disadvantages too, but the huge masses of nature there are impressive. I've been to Denmark and Iceland, but visiting Sweden is still pretty high on my wish list too.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Yeah! People tend to become blind about about what they have nearby. There's this need to go to tropical lands. I'm guilty myself, but what that did was to make me realize that I enjoy my local nature the most. I get that going to a sunny place is nice, but I fear that forgetting about around home is one problem with forests disappearing... Like, no-one sees what's going on here. We have some great nature, but soon it's too late. If you want to visit Sweden, I recommend going soon. The forest industry is speeding up, and the government doesn't care (democracy - choosing the lesser of evils.) Whenever I see trucks transporting trees, they're thinner than before. Makes sense, since the old forests are gone and now there are mostly young, planted trees. Living in fear that "my" forest will be gone soon sucks. Rant over.
    Living likes this.
  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Today was kinda like friday, but then again completely different. My GF was away and I had a day off, I had everyday horniness and part of me definitly wanted to watch porn. But because I felt a whole lot better and was more confident about myself and doing this it was pretty much a walk in the park. Ofcourse I still have to make the right decissions, but I was never really worried that I would make the wrong ones. That sure felt good:)

    Three good things:
    1. I was doing the hike I did 1,5 week ago again and really enjoyed it. The most awesome part was when I came to dammed canal with the clear water: I could see great diving beetles from about 5 meters off. That was really incredible to see.
    2. I have a great vacation so far. Been doing several hikes and been reading a lot. The two last vacations were too busy and because of the stress and not wanting to deal with discomfort I spend way too much time on porn. So this time it's going great!
    3. While walking in the woods I remembered one of the best books I had read in the last ten years or so which is called Wildwood and is written by Colin Meloy (and wonderfully illustrated by Carson Ellis). It's a really wonderful book about a forest:) Or actually about a girl that gets lost in a kinda magical forest with talking animals and such. I can really recommend it.

    @Eternity: I don't want to get too political, but I think this is a really big problem. With people being so detached from their environment it really is no wonder that we don't take care of it. I mean, if you have no clue that certain animals exist then you will not do anything to take care of them. As with a lot of things I think awareness is the key here.
    Mozenjo and wintersturme like this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your wonderful and positive post, @Living!
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2022
    Living likes this.
  7. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Had a pretty easy week again. I do think about porn every now and then but I think that's more related to a healthy sexual drive than to problematic behaviour. One of the things I've noticed is that sometimes when I'm in a situation where I would like to get some gratification I find it actually hard to get into a sexual thought. I must have had that in the past too (I have gone without porn for longer periods), but this was the first time I really noticed it. It was both interesting and comforting.

    Three good things:
    -Finally! Yesterday I went on one of hikes to the wetlands and saw eared grebes. First I thought there was just one, but when I looked a bit better I noticed there were five or six of them. I really loved that. These are without a doubt some of the most spectacular birds you will find here.
    -My Jerusalem artichokes have come up. This is the first time I tried them in our garden. I never really ate them except in restaurants. This winter I tried making them myselves and I really loved how easy they are to prepare and how good they taste. Just a couple of plants are supposed give an impressive yield, so I'm already looking forward to harvesting them.
    -Went to a wedding of a good friend last friday and danced pretty much all evening/(early) night long. It has been a long time since I did that and I loved every second of it. Especially dancing with my girlfriend is great.

    @Saville, @Mozenjo and @wintersturme: thanx for your posts and likes. I really appreciate the reactions I get and it helps to know that I don't just put my thoughts out there into a void. I'm not as active on here as I was in the past because I try to keep the amount of time I spend on here limited, so I hardly return the favour. I wish I could, but spending too much time on here hasn't proven to be very effective for me in the past.
    Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  8. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Hm, I haven't really considered that. Any P related thought has always been a red flag to me. Maybe it would get easier if I'm not so strict, and learn to deal with such thoughts rather than using them as another excuse to PMO.
    Living likes this.
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I guess for me porn has always been both a (more or less) healthy sexual outlet and an unhealthy escape. While I'm not sure moderate porn use is an option for me, I don't see it as problematic per se. On top of that, if you've been watching porn for years you can't expect that thoughts about porn will dissolve if you give up porn. Sure, the thoughts will grow less over time, but if you know porn is an option, the option will always be there. That is something I think you should be aware of and learn to deal with. It's like when you meditate you can't give up thinking, but you can stop giving a thought attention.
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Yesterdaynight my GF was to spend the night at her parents which a couple of months back meant: OPPORTUNITY! And it still does of course, in a way. But I have become more confident in dealing with opportunities and of course PMO isn't in my system so much right now. I wasn't really worried about it, but I still was a bit nervous. There is a part of me that still thinks it's a splendid idea to PMO and that can feel unsettling at times. I decided not to give the anticipation too much attention and just do what I always do instead and that really helped. She decided to stay another day, but today I'm not even nervous about it. Getting more confident in situation you find difficult is just so important to me. Days like these is wear the personal growth really takes place. I'm of course happy with the days that go so smooth I don't even need to worry, but these days where you really get tested are so much more important. At least they are to me:)

    Three good things:
    -It's my cats' birthday today:)
    -Yesterday I saw a black cap bathing in our minipond. I had seen a few black caps in the area over the years and last week I heard one singing opposite our house. This is so much better though. The black cap and a robin were taking turns bathing and splashing water. It was awesome to watch. And it also shows once again how just a bit of water can draw a lot of life to your garden.
    -I'm currently reading Bill Bryson's 'The Body: A guide to occupants' and it's a great read. Yesterday I was reading the chapter on sleep and realized how fascinating sleep really is:)
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Well done, Living. Thanks for showing how it's done.
    Living likes this.

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