Farewell Happy Place

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Living, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    A couple of months ago I used to have a journal in the 30's section and while I stopped using the forum regularly I said that I wouldn't leave before I said goodbye. Well, I think that day has come today. And since I turned 40 a while a back I guess this is the place to say so:)

    At first I started on a long post with some obviously incredibly importants lessons I've learned over the last couple of months, but I guess I have been long enough on the internet to know that these lessons will never be nearly as important to you as I think they should be. We are all fighting our own battles and from what I've seen over the years is that a lot of us our actually doing well. We might not always realize this, but I think a lot of you are making great steps.

    Currently my own life is going well too. This is mostly because I'm spending more time with the things that I value. I started calling people instead of texting them, reduced my phone/internet use in general, spend more time reading and just noticed a hawfinch just because I started paying more attention:) These are troubling times, but that gives us all the more reason to do something about it.

    Anyway, I hope this will be my last post here. Thank you for all the comments, discussions and just being there in general. I hope you will all find a way to deal with your problems and lead a life that you find fulfilling. Fare well!

    p.s. It's not the best book in the world, but reading 'Digital minimalism' by Cal Newport might be worth your time;)
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hey man, it was a pleasure to read your posts and to follow your journey. We haven’t had the chance to exchange, but I always enjoyed reading what you had to write. Congratulations for the steps you’ve made in your life. Best of luck, friend.
  3. Swimming in Circles

    Swimming in Circles New Member

    It makes me so happy whenever I read posts like this - We're all proud of you man. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and giving us hope that one day we'll all come out on the other side of this like you have.
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Goodbye Living! I've learned a lot from you especially because our opinions differed sometimes. All the best for your future and thanks for the book recommendation!

    Take care! :)
    NewStart19 likes this.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hey Living, I'm glad you're doing well. You were a great support and role model for me in difficult times. I will not forget that.

    I wish you all the best for the future!
  6. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    take care my brother. Godspeed
  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Wishing you the best, man.
  8. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I enjoyed meeting you on here Living. I wish you all the best forward, fare well ! :)
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hey Living,

    thanks so much for your contributions to this board and for your interesting points of view. I have learned a lot from you. I understand your decision to 'move on' and as you said it yourself, actually you and many of us are doing really well. Het ga je goed!

  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to make one more post to thank you guys for the responses. It really does mean a lot:)
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Just had to drop by, because this is just not something I can talk to anybody else with or at least don't feel comfortable doing so.

    Overall things are going well. I'm getting at my new job and spring is slowly on it's way. My girlfriend found an awesome job, so that's all good. But at the moment my girlfriend is away during the week and I have been returning to porn a bit more regularly. I'm not happy about that at all, because it is affecting certain other aspects of my life in a negative way. I think it's good to be honest about this towards myself, but it's just so easy to hide, because keep things hidden is part of the thing...That's why I decided to write this posts. Perhaps I will post a bit more regularly for a while until I get back to the things I really value:)
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Porn sucks the life out of us. Whether it is a peek here and there or full-blown PMO sessions day after day. We hold onto P because we are afraid of letting go the old us. It would mean we have to be accountable for our life choices.

    Good idea to post more. It's the only way out of this morass.
  13. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Thanx Saville. I've been fucking up a bit. I feel stupid for doing so. I was doing pretty well, but then one day you decide "Nah, let's get back to wrecking my life." I'm angry with myself for doing so. This weekend I even made my GF cry because I was aggitated (which was due to watching porn). Want to give myself a kind hug, but I think I rather need a slap in the face right now.
    Deleted User and Saville like this.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    We all fuck up, so give yourself that hug. It's the positive mind that gets shit done. We've all had too many slaps in the face and all that has done is power us down.

    You are worthy. You are good. You are strong.
  15. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I was kinda hoping that I could leave this forum behind once and for all. Things were going fine for a while and being away from here felt good. But the last couple of weeks I have been drifting off too far. And at such a point you have to tell yourself that things have gone far enough and somehow this forum works for that. So there's that: things have gone far enough. It's time to pick myself up again and get back to the life I want to live.
  16. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    I have been on this forum since August 2017. I feel it is one of the main reasons I have been " clean " for almost 5 years.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2022
  17. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    here is where one beggar shows another beggar where to find bread.
  18. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    That's good to hear! My post was not meant as criticism to the forum, it's just that during the years I've spent on this forum I found it affected me in negative ways too. For me that was the reason to leave the forum behind and the reason I still don't want to spend too much time on here. But since this is also something I chose not to share with people around me, it does help me to make a statement on here that things have strayed too far from the path I have chosen to walk. It works better for me than when I just keep it to myself:)

    For the rest things are going fine. While making the decission to watch porn affects me a whole lot more than I like, chosing not to watch porn has come easy to me most of the time. It's not like it's a walk in the park, but I never really had issues with withdrawal symptoms in the way I've seen others mention. Most of the time it's enough for me to recognize what has happened, understand it's not what I want at all and pick myself up. Let's hope it will be like this this time too!
    Boxer17 and Bilbo Swaggins like this.
  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Things have been going fine so far. Had some minor urges on monday, but nothing I couldn't handle. One of my main problems with staying away from porn is that when I feel discomfort or pain I try to numb it down. That was what I've been brought up with and that's what I've always done. Porn has always been my favorite escape (hence the name 'Farewell Happy Place' that I've given to my original journal years ago). As happens now I often find it relatively easy to give up porn for a while. The problem is that when I have to deal with things I don't like after a while I chose to go back to my Happy Place instead. I have tried several things but I've always find it hard t0 deal with discomfort. Right now I'm trying cold showers. I have tried them in the past, but kind of lacked the motivation to push it through. But back then I tried it for different reasons. This weekend I listened to a podcast though and the woman doing the podcast focused primarily on the learning to deal with discomfort part. And that kinda resonated with me. So I've taken a bit more serious approach to cold showers (including an alarm clock:)) and I have found it literally refreshing thus far. Let's see where this leads;)
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Clearly it isn't a happy place. This may seem small, possibly insignificant, but I think the title would be more apt if it read "Farewell Falsehood." I know you know this, but our go-to places to manage our lives have been devastating for us. For me PMO was a biggie, so was food, and also booze. Even after I ditched PMO I couldn't shake the images, the desire to watch it, the arrogance of thinking I would never slip again. I also began to use food and booze more, because something had to replace the hole that P left. As usual I'm going on a rant. lol My point is that words, even seemingly benign ones, have power. In other words, everything matters. It matters what we think, obviously, and it matters how we talk to ourselves.

    Glad you're back and dealing, my friend. I find cold showers to be invigorating!
    Mad Dog and Living like this.

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