Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    I know this feeling and it's definitely not a nice one. I've had a lot of trouble with this myself and at times it can make me really down (when it happens). Lately I told myself one thing that made it worst was unrealistic expectations I had from my current group of friends (would hope to connect with them more then possible and also demand from them what in the end I'm not sure they can give me because we are different on some stuff). I've realized I should lower my expectations, adjust my relationship with them to a more casual level, focus on the good aspects of the relationship (not what we don't click on) and most importantly not be afraid to look for new relationships where perhaps I can find the level of connection and understanding I am longing for and needing.
     
    Living likes this.
  2. Living

    Living Active Member

    Thanks @Thelongwayhome27 ! I agree with what you wrote and I think I should also accept that friends (including me) sometimes go different ways. That's kind of hard though:) And yeah, I do agree that perhaps I should be open to new relationships too. I already kind of have that with my D&D-group, but they are not the kind of people I would hang out and grab a beer with.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Active Member

    Day 12: Day 12 already! I think when I got back here 13 days ago that I was going to try 5 days at first and now I'm already on 12th day. I feel really good about it and better yet, it feels good. I sleep better and I feel a lot better in general. The meditations play a very big part in that, but keeping away from porn does help a lot too. It's not like I haven't had weeks like this without porn in a while, but doing it in such a deliberate way does make a difference. I'm glad I came back here:)
     
    -Luke-, Thelongwayhome27 and TrueSelf like this.
  4. Living

    Living Active Member

    Day 16: things are going well. I haven't (seriously) meditated the last two days because I found other things more important at the time, but I will pick that again today. Today I was off early from work and one of the first things that came to mind is "How about watching porn this entire afternoon?" I would probably have done that two weeks ago, but I'm not going to do that today.

    One thing that I notice has a huge impact on how feel and how I deal with my problems is the weather. When it's sunny and I see my entire surroundings coming to live again, I find it a lot easier to not give in to porn. It's actually one of the things that makes me very critical of things like the famous 90 days. While I do believe that there is a period of time to change your behaviour I also believe that this period depends on how you feel and your surroundings. To me it is easier to maintain a really long streak in spring and summer than it is in winter, but when winter comes it's a lot easier to give in again. But that goes for mood in general. My streaks are much more dependent on how I feel than on what day I am. I think I have said something similar before but to me this battle isn't fought when things are going fine and easy, but on the days that you feel down and could do with some good old escaping. On those days it doesn't really matter whether you are on day 18 or day 118. But the positive is that it teaches us (or at least me) how important it is to work on feeling better about yourself and your life.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  5. Living

    Living Active Member

    Day 19: I do have some urges occasionally, but I don't worry about those too much. Part of those I consider natural sexual needs. I don't expect myself to be without longings for masturbation or sex and neither is that my goal. It's just that right now it would be easier if I didn't have them:)
     
  6. Living

    Living Active Member

    Day 23: I'm closing in on a month! That's big:) Not much to report on urges and such, still going steady.

    I got a little bit down/uncomfortable today. I'm working on a project that kinda sucks. I do try to stay positive about it, but most (read: 90%) of the time I just have to stand around waiting and when I can do something it's rather uninteresting. Besides that I don't work with the people I normally work with, but instead work with a group of guys that are rather racist, homophobic and sexist. For the rest they are pretty nice guys, but it often feels uncomfortable being around them. That in itself is rather depressing. On top of that however, there are the client and the contractor that have financial issues between each other, but since a while also with my own company. This morning I overheard (I was in the room next to them) a conversation between the client and the contractor where they were pretty much bashing my company. It was mainly about the costs and all, but still it's hard not to take it personal since I'm the guy doing the job and therefore the guy making the costs. So that kinda sucked. The client did say during that conversation that he thought I was a very decent guy though, so that was nice.

    This afternoon I had a good talk to counter that though. As those who have read my journal last year might know I finished my thesis in september. Now, in december there was this conference where they give an award for the best thesis each year. I wasn't there, but my GF, who was there, told me that I received an honorable mention and that they were pretty positive about my work. That in itself was already a compliment, but this afternoon I talked to one of the people that is in the commitee of the awards and he told me that in fact the number one and me were pretty much tied and far above the rest, but that the woman who won the award scored just a few points here and there. That was really good to hear. I put a hell of time and energy into that thesis, so it's definitly nice to hear it's appreciated like that:)
     
    Gilgamesh and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    That's one of the things that often sucks in the workplace you often don't really get to choose the projects you work on and, perhaps even worst, the people you need to work with. Reminds me how petty workplace stuff can erode the morale. Guess we gotta deal with such unpleasant things and the more we do it, the more we learn how to deal with them while staying rather equanimous about it. Ideally we'll reach a point in life when we kind of have more control what we work on and who we work with. Or if not, develop the maturity, experience and resilience to deal with it in a zen way.
     

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