Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Living

    Living Active Member

    Don't get me wrong here, I'm not giving myself a free pass to watch porn. It's not like I want porn to be part of my life. I just don't think that my self-defeating attitude towards watching porn has contributed in a positive way in the progress I've made along the way. The feelings of guilt and shame towards myself and my closest ones, the anxiety, this voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm an addict when I have a weak moment once in every four weeks or so. The fact that we set back our counters as if all the progress we made along the way didn't matter at all. I wonder: is the downward spiral created by porn or by things we tell ourselves after we have watched porn? The answer might be different for everyone ofcourse, but I doubt porn would effect me the way it does if I wouldn't be so hard on myself when I have a slip. And let's be honest: when I compare my journal to certain other journals I'm not even that hard on myself;)

    Well, in a way: yes. I don't know if I would understand the way I escaped from my problems if I wouldn't have spend this much time discussing porn. To me that has been a major breakthrough and had a positive effect on dealing with certain things I avoided for a long time. However, I don't think the self-defeating views on my porn viewing were necessary to get to that point.
  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Very good question and the answer is probably a mix of the two.

    You see, just like you I also had an extremely judgmental attitude towards myself relapsing. I felt like a failure and whatnot. It took me a long time before I realized this attitude does more harm than good. Other guys in this forum suffer immensely because they still have this attitude.

    I guess it's a learning process to figure out that we should love ourselves first and foremost. We have our intentions clear, but our minds don't always cooperate. That's just how it is.
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Active Member

    Indeed, this is one the most important things I've learned after years of believing that I was broken. I also agree that the answer to the question is likely to be a mix of of the two.

    Three good things:
    1. I did the four mile run two weeks ago and did pretty well. The motivation I get from training towards a goal felt really good. So next week I got an 8 km run planned:)
    2. When I work a lot I find it hard to find the time to do serious meditations. Today I did my first 20 minute meditation in a few weeksand that felt really good. I'm going to try to do that after work again a couple times this week. Looking forward to that.
    3. My girlfriend gave me an extension tube for our camera to do macro photography. I already tried a bit of this and it's really fun. It's another way to engage with my environment.
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2018
    cjm likes this.
  4. Living

    Living Active Member

    Been doing pretty good. I find it rather hard to even consider PMO when I work full-time. It's like I don't have the time for it. Since my thesis is done now and I'm planning on working a lot that's a very positive thing.

    Three good things:
    1. I managed to do 20 meditations after work. It takes some effort and sometimes I'm way too tired to do a solid meditation, but at least I do it and I get the benefits too ofcourse.
    2. The project I'm working on right now is partly because a colleague who runs the project really wanted me in his team. Yesterday my girlfriend told me that another colleague who is also a colleague of her at the uni wants me in his time for an upcoming project too. It's always nice to hear that people appreciate your work like that:)
    3. Did a 7,5 km run after work. I find it easier to do run or workout after work than meditation, but still it takes some effort to push myself to do so.
    Gilgamesh likes this.

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