Very good question and the answer is probably a mix of the two. You see, just like you I also had an extremely judgmental attitude towards myself relapsing. I felt like a failure and whatnot. It took me a long time before I realized this attitude does more harm than good. Other guys in this forum suffer immensely because they still have this attitude. I guess it's a learning process to figure out that we should love ourselves first and foremost. We have our intentions clear, but our minds don't always cooperate. That's just how it is.