Don't get me wrong here, I'm not giving myself a free pass to watch porn. It's not like I want porn to be part of my life. I just don't think that my self-defeating attitude towards watching porn has contributed in a positive way in the progress I've made along the way. The feelings of guilt and shame towards myself and my closest ones, the anxiety, this voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm an addict when I have a weak moment once in every four weeks or so. The fact that we set back our counters as if all the progress we made along the way didn't matter at all. I wonder: is the downward spiral created by porn or by things we tell ourselves after we have watched porn? The answer might be different for everyone ofcourse, but I doubt porn would effect me the way it does if I wouldn't be so hard on myself when I have a slip. And let's be honest: when I compare my journal to certain other journals I'm not even that hard on myself Well, in a way: yes. I don't know if I would understand the way I escaped from my problems if I wouldn't have spend this much time discussing porn. To me that has been a major breakthrough and had a positive effect on dealing with certain things I avoided for a long time. However, I don't think the self-defeating views on my porn viewing were necessary to get to that point.