Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    When we give up PMO, the real journey begins. Now we can't keep running from our problems. We can't keep seeking that run (masterbation) and hit (orgasm.) This is what makes it tough and why we can't "just stop." Now, childhood memories and issues that developed from a young age, come into our head. Now our current fears tend to ramp up more. Sometimes ruminating thoughts begin. Its a challenge for sure..but definitely a short term pain (which could be a good year), for long term gain (many years.) We must now replace this negative with positives:

    Therapy/anonymous groups to consistently process feelings/thoughts
    Building friendships/relationships
    Pursuing passions/interests/hobbies
    Saville likes this.
  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Don't sweat about it. Same here and I'm coming to realize that the standard life that is expected from people doesn't really work for me.

    Follow your own path, it will make you happy.
    cjm and Living like this.
  3. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    this is a huge trigger well done for staying strong.
    This is the growth,if it was easy we wouldn't grow, keep resisting and it will get easier.
    Living likes this.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The above all sounds great! :) Keep on truckin' brother.
  5. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Excercise is great for that if you work hard. Music? More sex with gf? Try out something new and kinky with her?
    Living likes this.
  6. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    I know those pre planned pmo sessions even if I didn't want to I still did I guess once the idea comes into your head it's very had to change it.

    Porn blockers are the best for stopping a session,saved me many a time,block anything that might have porn subs.I have to treat this addiction like an alcoholic no drink in the house at all.
    Living likes this.
  7. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    @Living have you tried hill sprints? About as intense as you can get. I like to listen to pantera whilst doing them
    Living likes this.
  8. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    The important thing is that you're making progress. It might be 2 steps forward, 1 step back, and that's fine, as long as you continue on that trend. If you get to a stage where you're happy having a 7 day no PMO streak, then relapsing, then starting again, relapsing after another 7 days for months on end etc... THAT is a problem and it could be a sign of setting the bar too low for yourself.

    I understand though that other aspects of your life can make things difficult and relapsing becomes more attractive. But you have to find a way to deal with those problems that doesn't involve PMO

    Relapses are fine but the ultimate goal should be no relapses at all (and I'm speaking to myself as much as anyone here!)
    Living likes this.
  9. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    I was doing similarly last week. No PMO, but I was still occasionally watching porn out of boredom and to give myself a bit of excitement. I haven't watched any in 5 days and have to say ive felt better as a result. It's torture looking at porn really. It's like working in a candy shop when you're trying to lose weight!
    Living likes this.
  10. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Yes, even better analogy, I like it!
  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    I totally agree too. PMO used to be our shelter. The very moment we get some bad news and we feel bad, we seek refuge in P. Same as alcoholic guys. Drinking to "feel better", or to "forget". But after our PMO sessions the landing is tough. Shame, decrease of self-confidence etc... We all experienced those feelings. One should manage his problems like a man. This is life. We had, we have and we'll for sure have problems. Rushing to PMO will only increase our bad feelings toward ourselves.
    A few years ago, while my father was still alive, but at the hospital (he died then from his cancer, two years ago), I went by train to assist him. The night after, in a hotel near the hospital, I felt very bad because of his health state. A few minutes after, I started a PMO session.... I wasn't aware then that I was an addict etc etc.. You can imagine the terrible feelings I felt. I told myself: your father is dying and you watch P and masturbate!! Which kind of monster are you?! Are you heartless?
    Then I discovered my addiction, this forum etc, and all made sense now.
    We're here all together to succeed and live better lives without this poison
    Keep going on.
  12. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    This is huge improvement and willpower! Respect.
  13. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Do you mean that you have a build of fantasies, or suspense of acting out, or something like that? Your analogy with the pyre in the garden is spot on, but breaking down the pyre is an almost impossible task. It will take you some days and it will remain highly flammable. The built up arousal makes you physically uncomfortable and even fantasies have a chaser effect. Small ones always tend to become bigger. Do you think you could avoid building the pyre at all?
  14. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    :D well-put. I figurative way it is actually like that, but I agree that we can train ourselves to become aware of the initiation of the whole chain of events and that there is not a fixed point-of-no-return. The pyre analogy is very useful to become aware of that. This process is also really nicely described in www.recoverynation.com.

    Last night I had a moment in bed in which I had a flash fantasy about going to a prostitute next week when I'm in town. My thoughts were something like:
    - Oh, I shouldn't do this, because they are fantasies that can lead to the actual action I fantasize about
    - But come on, it's harmless, I know I will not go to a prostitute next week. What does it matter for this moment
    - It can still lead to PMO
    - But maybe not, I am sure I can stop the chain of events if I don't fantasize for too long
    - No, the fantasy gives me a dopamine rush right now, hence this is acting out right now, feeding the addiction

    So, yes, becoming aware is key to recovery. And damn, it can be hard. Our addict side can be so intelligent, so manipulative.....
    Living likes this.
  15. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Yeah i like the idea of prostitues, but I've been to them enough times now to know the reality - very very rarely has it been a good experience (perhaps once) so im more or less done now. Id rather save ny money and have a no fantasy M tbh....
    Living likes this.
  16. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    haha it did a little.....
    Living likes this.
  17. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I was on this board when I was finishing my thesis and had exactly the same feelings. A fellow rebooter gave me a link to the movie momo to a specific part (quoted below). Maybe you find it helpful too.

    “...it's like this. Sometimes, when you've a very long street ahead of you, you think how terribly long it is and feel sure you'll never get it swept. And then you start to hurry. You work faster and faster and every time you look up there seems to be just as much left to sweep as before, and you try even harder, and you panic, and in the end you're out of breath and have to stop--and still the street stretches away in front of you. That's not the way to do it.

    You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next, and the next. Nothing else.

    That way you enjoy your work, which is important, because then you make a good job of it. And that's how it ought to be.

    And all at once, before you know it, you find you've swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. what's more, you aren't out of breath. That's important, too...”
    Michael Ende, Momo
    Living, Fry2 and cjm like this.
  18. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    When I had to write my thesis it was the time I relapsed the most. I dreaded it. I hated it. :confused: So I can really relate.

    I love the Michael Ende quote. We should apply it to recovery as well. Every day another step.

    @Living: I concur to what you wrote about the intelligence of the addict part and the need for awareness and how the urge to act out builds.

    It's so important! In my experience meditation really helps to be more aware, how the potential for relapse builds and grows over days and episodes. It's mandatory to interfere with the right remedy: Eat when hungry, sleep/rest when tired. So easy yet I've done it wrong a hundred times.
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
    Living likes this.
  19. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Weekends are difficult if you're alone. There's only so much to do, which invites boredom which leads to... yeah. Too many times have I fallen for it. The key is to have plans, it seems. Hopefully the thesis keeps you busy enough.
    Living likes this.
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That seems to be how it usually goes. Good job recognizing that. I too went into the "planning stage" but when I got home from work it was, fortunately, gone.
    Living likes this.

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