Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    About the cold showers, you do use cold water only, right? If it's too easy, take a longer shower. The whole idea is to kickstart your day with something that feels very out of comfort, especially when you just don't feel like it, it's a very good mental training. Just take the cold shower anyway, it trains your mind for those times when cravings for a relapse arise.
     
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  2. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    That's funny, I just posted about how I'm trying to add meditation back to my daily routine, for the same reasons. I want to work on observing/recognizing/acknowledging emotions and then letting them go, instead of trying to fight them or avoid them—or instead of exerting all this willpower to not avoid them through porn. Relying on sheer willpower seems like a losing battle in the long run.

    Congrats on making it to day 13; the days definitely start to add up at this stage. As for your GF being out of town, maybe treat it as an opportunity? Like, this is when you can prove to yourself that you've really made a change. And, yes, definitely make some plans for yourself!
     
  3. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Nice job on making it beyond two weeks! I know what you mean about feeling "a bit stupid to be proud of staying away from porn." But it is something to be proud of! I know for me there were times when I couldn't even go a half-day without a quick hit, and a whole week seemed impossible. And this forum clearly shows how very difficult it is for a lot of men.

    I like the waterfall tale, thanks for posting that. I know I personally have a tendency to make things more difficult than they have to be (of course, I only realize this in retrospect), so the idea that it's possible to do things without some kind of super-intense exertion of willpower is a good one for me to keep in mind.
     
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  4. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Hey Living, sorry to hear about the slip, but the best thing to do is not dwell on it and just move forward—which it sounds like you're doing. I can definitely relate to your point about how the slip often starts days before the actual PMO session, when you start giving yourself permission to think about porn or indulge in some non-nude images or other borderline behavior—important to pay attention to that kind of thinking and nip it in the bud before it leads to a real relapse.
     
  5. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    This is the very essence of our addiction, afterwards we have so much trouble understanding why we chose to relapse. I've even had relapses were I was saying out loud "I don't want to do this!" yet continued anyway. The mind is a fickle thing, we have to treat it with respect.
     
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  6. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Nice job on making it to day 8! And I can totally relate to the phone-use issue. I hadn't heard of the Forest app but I'm going to go download it now. I think a lot of the same cognitive pathways/mechanisms involved in porn addiction are activated by general smartphone use as well—all the little dopamine hits from new likes, new messages, etc.—so it seems worthwhile to get that under better control.
     
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  7. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I have struggled a lot too with low self-worth throughout my life. Certain things would trigger this a lot, mostly female rejection, as if my self-worth was based around women liking me. Kicking off the (P)MO certainly helps a lot and for some this may be the full recovery, in my case therapy with a professional was crucial too.
     
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  8. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Can you give an example of such an acceptance?

    When I went in therapy at first I was assigned to a female therapist too. Young girl, mid-20's, quite good looking. I actually found that uncomfortable so I asked for a male therapist instead, preferable older than me. I was really happy with the switch, because naturally he could understand typical male things about sex and insecurity a lot better than a younger girl.
     
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is awesome. I meditate in my own way by moving slowly. I was always in a hurry to do everything. Ironically, I didn't do much, because just thinking about how much work it was going to be made me feel tired.

    Wow, incredible! When we're not fapping we get our shit done. I've just read a bit of journal so far, but you've got it going, my friend.
     
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  10. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

     
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  11. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Yes slowing things down can actually speed things up which is counter intuiatuve. "More haste less speed"
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is awesome. A thesis, or putting a rocket together, it's done one little thing at a time.

    GF and wives know just the right time, it seems, to pick a fight. A big part of it is the status-quo starts to shift as we feel healthy. I think of my wife as a two year old when she gets cranky/angry. I wouldn't argue with a two year old and so I don't argue with my wife. I always take the blame now, which costs me nothing, but gains me a lot.
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Well, you're at fault, because it's your thesis. ;) That's a joke, btw. :D

    I think it's great you're getting your thesis done. That is one helluva a lot of work. Big props, bro'.
     
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  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You've got this, Living. Go slow, smile, keep having sex, and it will get done. I was the biggest procrastinator on the planet, but by taking care of the little things I've increased my stamina exponentially. Addicts get distracted by the noise around them and almost everything IS noise: our own doubting thoughts, our SO's concerns, etc. Last year I ripped out my main bathroom and replaced everything myself. My wife nagged me incessantly. She just did not believe that I could do the job, let alone finish. Well, I fooled her. lol The bathroom looks great and I'm not particularly handy, imo. (thank you youtube handyman videos) :D I just did one thing at time and didn't get ahead of myself. I didn't imagine the bathroom done, I just did each little job as it occurred to me.

    I'm excited for you!
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
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  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's what she said! lol She, being my wife, when the bathroom seemed to take forever. There's a rhythm to most things. I guess we could say "it takes the time it takes."

    It's interesting about that job. It seems now that you're ready for such an occupation, one is opening up for you. :)
     
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  16. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member


    Sounds like you are doing good. There will be urges the whole first year, I believe. There will be challenges. But lets look at all your positive posts and how productive you have been. Lets keep this going. I learn a lot from every relapse. One of my patterns was I would lay in bed and just edge. I figure, Oh, I'll just make sure its still working, I won't fully masterbate. Then I fantasize about a woman. Eventually it will happen. Maybe not the first time I edge, but definitely the 2nd or 3rd. So watch out for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. But definitely watch for the ultimate where you may lay down and start "Testing the waters." You're doing good. Little tasks and missions everyday, really add up.
     
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  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I love the singing of birds, too. The world seems so much more alive when the birds come back after a long winter and fill the air with their chattering. Without P in your life you will begin to identify the different bird songs with ease, I'd bet. With more alive senses our hearing is better.

    One chapter done sounds awesome, bro'.
     
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  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Wonderful! It's also great that the guy from second job offer asked you to call back when your thesis is done. :) Hard to imagine these positives if you were immersed in P.
     
  19. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Love this great quote, Moving slowly or quickly forward is still forward still progress doesn't matter as long as it's not backwards.Chuffed for you that life is getting better for you:)
     
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  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Nope, you (we) can't. P is a by-product of how we previously lived our lives. When we give up PMO we begin, in a sense, a backward journey toward our real self. I love how you're going at all this, Living.

    I agree with what @dig deep said. We go at our own pace. There isn't a perfect rate at which do things. It reminds me of the quote by Oscar Wilde when he was talking about his writing: "I was working on the proof of one of my poems all morning and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again." :)
     
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