Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It is difficult to be honest to yourself about self-pity (and in my case strongly connected to blaming others), but it really opens a whole new world if you manage to do so. Well done!
    Living likes this.
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Nice, I think this shows what being self assertive in the healthy way means. Often times around family in particular I feel guilty when in reality I should be more assertive, at least in my own mind and how I explain things to myself. I think it's one of those things we get better at if we keep taking good actions for ourselves :)
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Been a bit busy and the weather is too nice to spend time here:) Anyway, things are going fine. One thing I struggled with a bit is masturbation. In my previous streak I've used that to sometimes let go of sexual tension and I do think I should do that this time too, but there are pro's and cons. Part of me (which I think is the rational part) says I should be able to do it, but my another part keeps telling me that it might do more damage than I think. I don't know, I'm over 5 months in my current streak and been handling things pretty well, so I think I should be able to do it as long as I stay aware of my situation.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I don't feel good about myself when I escape to my happy place

    Three good things:
    -The garden is looking great. There was a period with less flowers, but now a whole lot of different flowers are starting to bloom. And they attract so many cool little bugs!
    -The training is going really well. Yesterday I had my first long run (1hr25 min) and it really went well. It was mainly training in zones 2 and 3. Zone 2 I find pretty hard, because I really have to watch my pace and hold back a lot. But it's supposed to be good:) And the nice thing was that even though I ran over 12 km it was rather comfortable. Although I do like feeling my body after a workout, it might be good to properly train for a while.
    -I normally run early in the morning and always go out without any breakfast. Since I'm starting to take things a bit more serious I decided that I needed to look into the right nutrition too. So, today I made these really healthy and delicious flapjacks to give myself some fuel on my early morning runs:)
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's a good idea, to find something you can consume without trouble way ahead of a possible event. I was lucky to find a brand that works well for me on the first try. That's also an event tip: sometimes they'll provide sport drinks etc, but I'd look up what and make sure I can tolerate it.
    Living likes this.
  5. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I think you should try to find out if it is really to take off the pressure or that you're actually craving dopamine.

    Nice to hear. I think this is the time you should start being able to fly and lift cars. Are you there yet? :D I think this is really a great achievement and what you're doing sounds really solid to me, recovery-wise!
    Living and -Luke- like this.
  6. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Wait, I thought you should be able to fly exactly on day 90? So that was a lie???

    @Living: Sounds really good!
    Gil79 and Living like this.
  7. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    First I have to make one thing clear, because there is a lot of confusion on the topic: the flying and lifting cars thing is day 90 indeed. On day 150 you get those powers combined and you can fly cars like Harry Potter.

    On a less serious note: the dopamine issue. I think that's part of the problem. Even when I would masturbate to take of the pressure there is still dopamine involved, so it's not that black and white. And that makes it tricky too. I don't think I want this for the wrong reasons and in fact I do want to be able to get to the point where I'm able to enjoy masturbation without the negative connotation it now has to me. It doesn't mean I want to do it daily or even weekly, but it would be nice to be able to do it and not feel bad about it or worry about it.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because this is important to me. And perhaps not so much the not watching porn, but mainly turning my life in the direction where I want it to go.

    Three good things:
    -When I sit behind my computer like I do right now I can here all kinds of birds. In one of our nests there are some chicks that I think will fledge this week or maybe next week.
    -I'm also getting better at recognizing birdsong. This weekend my girlfriend and I were cycling and I suddenly realized that one of the birds we heard was a green finch because of the 'engine sound' at the end of the call. That was a cool moment.
    -Had a small party with some of my GF's colleaugues in the park yesterday. Although Corona-wise I found it rather difficult, it was a nice evening:)
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Only if you have Yourbrainrebalanced-VIP-Premium membership. The only thing I got was irresistibility towards hot women, which is quite tiring if you can't fly . . .
    Living and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have increased urges to look at social media pics. I think I need to remind myself that this is just me tricking myself. There is the ulterior motive behind it that concerns porn, so I should not see it as something innocent. Not sure why this sudden increase occurred, but it's probably a combination of factors: increased stress, hot weather, less sleep etc. I think it will drift away if I just leave it be.

    @Gil79: unfortunate you...

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I don't want to give in to self-hate and suffocating myself with negative feelings.

    Three good things:
    -Wednesday I had to attend a wedding. While I some ways it was trying (COVID-19, socially) I actually had some very nice talks and overall enjoyed myself.
    -We have privet hedges and this year we decided to not trim the biggest hedge until it had properly bloomed. Right now it is in full bloom and bees are flying off and on. Totally worth it:)
    -Yesterday I had to make a phonecall because of a job I was going to apply for. I can't say I enjoy such calls, but I did it, had a good conversation, so I can be proud of that.
    -Luke- and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  10. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Hey Living, how do you deal with those P-sub urges? I have them a lot and have been failing a lot in saying no to them. I always see it as a form of lesser evil, sometimes I even tell myself it can actually be helpful to get my mind on ‘normal’ sexual libido instead of the morphed sexual tastes from porn. I’m still objectifying though :confused:
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I'm not on any social media besides this forum and LinkedIn. In the past I have used Hyves and Facebook, but there came a moment in my life where I realized that daily posting on there was not the most enriching thing in my life. So for me there really isn't a good reason to be on social media like Twitter and Instagram in the first place. When you look at the content the social media stuff can be a lesser evil, but in my case the intention is just the same evil. I don't search for some hot pics of a model to just see those pics, I search them because part of me eases myself into escalation. Perhaps not today, but tomorrow or the next day when my limits have become less. That might seem pretty damn foolish, but the part of me that deals with short term satisfaction and the one dealing with long term content don't really agree that much:) Therefore I trick myself by saying that these things are okay to look at. No matter what the content is, if the intention is wrong it is just as much a no-go for me as Pornhub is.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because one day I want to be able to not have to worry about these things anymore

    Three good things:
    -I ran 16,5 km on sunday: a new record and the first time I had proper sore muscles in a long while:) I'm really starting to enjoy these longer runs. Perhaps I start to experience the runner's high. But besides that I moved to a slightly bigger park which is really fun to run. If I can go just a few kilometers further I can do a round in the wetland area too:)
    -Yesterday I had a good talk with my current therapist. I switched therapy (CBT to PMT), but we didn't really seem to get anywhere. I already mentioned that last week and she would talk to my main therapist about that. Based on what she had observed they now want to try EMDR. I'm really happy with that. It's something that I haven't tried yet, but that I have been interested in. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I have a good feeling about it helping me.
    -I had a really nice weekend with my girlfriend:) We went to a high tea with my parents which was fun, watched a rather nice movie called Knives Out and just had a nice time overall!
    Pete McVries and BoughtWithBlood like this.

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