Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It is difficult to be honest to yourself about self-pity (and in my case strongly connected to blaming others), but it really opens a whole new world if you manage to do so. Well done!
    Living likes this.
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Nice, I think this shows what being self assertive in the healthy way means. Often times around family in particular I feel guilty when in reality I should be more assertive, at least in my own mind and how I explain things to myself. I think it's one of those things we get better at if we keep taking good actions for ourselves :)
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Been a bit busy and the weather is too nice to spend time here:) Anyway, things are going fine. One thing I struggled with a bit is masturbation. In my previous streak I've used that to sometimes let go of sexual tension and I do think I should do that this time too, but there are pro's and cons. Part of me (which I think is the rational part) says I should be able to do it, but my another part keeps telling me that it might do more damage than I think. I don't know, I'm over 5 months in my current streak and been handling things pretty well, so I think I should be able to do it as long as I stay aware of my situation.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I don't feel good about myself when I escape to my happy place

    Three good things:
    -The garden is looking great. There was a period with less flowers, but now a whole lot of different flowers are starting to bloom. And they attract so many cool little bugs!
    -The training is going really well. Yesterday I had my first long run (1hr25 min) and it really went well. It was mainly training in zones 2 and 3. Zone 2 I find pretty hard, because I really have to watch my pace and hold back a lot. But it's supposed to be good:) And the nice thing was that even though I ran over 12 km it was rather comfortable. Although I do like feeling my body after a workout, it might be good to properly train for a while.
    -I normally run early in the morning and always go out without any breakfast. Since I'm starting to take things a bit more serious I decided that I needed to look into the right nutrition too. So, today I made these really healthy and delicious flapjacks to give myself some fuel on my early morning runs:)
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's a good idea, to find something you can consume without trouble way ahead of a possible event. I was lucky to find a brand that works well for me on the first try. That's also an event tip: sometimes they'll provide sport drinks etc, but I'd look up what and make sure I can tolerate it.
    Living likes this.
  5. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I think you should try to find out if it is really to take off the pressure or that you're actually craving dopamine.

    Nice to hear. I think this is the time you should start being able to fly and lift cars. Are you there yet? :D I think this is really a great achievement and what you're doing sounds really solid to me, recovery-wise!
    Living and -Luke- like this.
  6. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Wait, I thought you should be able to fly exactly on day 90? So that was a lie???

    @Living: Sounds really good!
  7. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    First I have to make one thing clear, because there is a lot of confusion on the topic: the flying and lifting cars thing is day 90 indeed. On day 150 you get those powers combined and you can fly cars like Harry Potter.

    On a less serious note: the dopamine issue. I think that's part of the problem. Even when I would masturbate to take of the pressure there is still dopamine involved, so it's not that black and white. And that makes it tricky too. I don't think I want this for the wrong reasons and in fact I do want to be able to get to the point where I'm able to enjoy masturbation without the negative connotation it now has to me. It doesn't mean I want to do it daily or even weekly, but it would be nice to be able to do it and not feel bad about it or worry about it.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because this is important to me. And perhaps not so much the not watching porn, but mainly turning my life in the direction where I want it to go.

    Three good things:
    -When I sit behind my computer like I do right now I can here all kinds of birds. In one of our nests there are some chicks that I think will fledge this week or maybe next week.
    -I'm also getting better at recognizing birdsong. This weekend my girlfriend and I were cycling and I suddenly realized that one of the birds we heard was a green finch because of the 'engine sound' at the end of the call. That was a cool moment.
    -Had a small party with some of my GF's colleaugues in the park yesterday. Although Corona-wise I found it rather difficult, it was a nice evening:)
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Only if you have Yourbrainrebalanced-VIP-Premium membership. The only thing I got was irresistibility towards hot women, which is quite tiring if you can't fly . . .
    Living and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have increased urges to look at social media pics. I think I need to remind myself that this is just me tricking myself. There is the ulterior motive behind it that concerns porn, so I should not see it as something innocent. Not sure why this sudden increase occurred, but it's probably a combination of factors: increased stress, hot weather, less sleep etc. I think it will drift away if I just leave it be.

    @Gil79: unfortunate you...

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I don't want to give in to self-hate and suffocating myself with negative feelings.

    Three good things:
    -Wednesday I had to attend a wedding. While I some ways it was trying (COVID-19, socially) I actually had some very nice talks and overall enjoyed myself.
    -We have privet hedges and this year we decided to not trim the biggest hedge until it had properly bloomed. Right now it is in full bloom and bees are flying off and on. Totally worth it:)
    -Yesterday I had to make a phonecall because of a job I was going to apply for. I can't say I enjoy such calls, but I did it, had a good conversation, so I can be proud of that.
    -Luke- and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  10. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Hey Living, how do you deal with those P-sub urges? I have them a lot and have been failing a lot in saying no to them. I always see it as a form of lesser evil, sometimes I even tell myself it can actually be helpful to get my mind on ‘normal’ sexual libido instead of the morphed sexual tastes from porn. I’m still objectifying though :confused:
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I'm not on any social media besides this forum and LinkedIn. In the past I have used Hyves and Facebook, but there came a moment in my life where I realized that daily posting on there was not the most enriching thing in my life. So for me there really isn't a good reason to be on social media like Twitter and Instagram in the first place. When you look at the content the social media stuff can be a lesser evil, but in my case the intention is just the same evil. I don't search for some hot pics of a model to just see those pics, I search them because part of me eases myself into escalation. Perhaps not today, but tomorrow or the next day when my limits have become less. That might seem pretty damn foolish, but the part of me that deals with short term satisfaction and the one dealing with long term content don't really agree that much:) Therefore I trick myself by saying that these things are okay to look at. No matter what the content is, if the intention is wrong it is just as much a no-go for me as Pornhub is.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because one day I want to be able to not have to worry about these things anymore

    Three good things:
    -I ran 16,5 km on sunday: a new record and the first time I had proper sore muscles in a long while:) I'm really starting to enjoy these longer runs. Perhaps I start to experience the runner's high. But besides that I moved to a slightly bigger park which is really fun to run. If I can go just a few kilometers further I can do a round in the wetland area too:)
    -Yesterday I had a good talk with my current therapist. I switched therapy (CBT to PMT), but we didn't really seem to get anywhere. I already mentioned that last week and she would talk to my main therapist about that. Based on what she had observed they now want to try EMDR. I'm really happy with that. It's something that I haven't tried yet, but that I have been interested in. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I have a good feeling about it helping me.
    -I had a really nice weekend with my girlfriend:) We went to a high tea with my parents which was fun, watched a rather nice movie called Knives Out and just had a nice time overall!
    Pete McVries and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Doing fine overall. Since I don't have a project this week I have been giving myself a break. Done some walking, some playing board games and some reading. Giving myself a break is still something I have to learn though:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I'm tired the negative way I see myself and my life

    Three good things:
    -Tuesday my ginger bug was finished and it was time to make ginger beer. I made two bottles, one with lemon, lime and chili pepper and the other one with cucumber and mint. Now, the second fermentation in the first bottle isn't really apparent, so I added some new ginger and sugar to give it a bit of a boost. However, the second bottle is fermenting like a madman and when you open to bottle to let the gas escape and add a bit of oxygen the whole liquid suddenly comes alive. I have experimented with ginger beers a few times in the past, but never had a result that was this good! I should be able to drink it tomorrow. Really curious about that:)
    -Went for a walk in wetlands on tuesday and I saw kind of duck I didn't know. I looked it up in my handbook but I still wasn't sure what it was. So I decided to walk up to two other guys with binoculairs that were watching the same ducks and asked if they knew what they were. This was a pretty big thing to me. Due to my social anxiety I already find stuff like that pretty damn scary, but added to that was the stupid believe that you don't want to come across as a birdwatcher with good binoculars but that doesn't know his birds. Apparently that is a common fear with people that want to pick up bird watching. What was funny though, was that when I asked them what it was, one of them responded that he wanted to ask me the exact same thing:) At home I was able to confirm that it was a ruddy shelduck.
    -Since it has been raining a lot and I have a bit of time I have been playing my Pathfinder card game a lot. After 2 years I'm almost at the end of the 5th adventure. There are 7 in total and it's just so much fun, especially because you build your characters over time. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I have finished it. I could replay it with different characters and tactics. Ofcourse I would know which things I will encounter, but I think playing it in a very different way will still be fun. I could also get one of the new adventure paths. The newest one is getting great rates on BoardGameGeeks.com. On the other hand, I still have some other great games at home that I want to play a bit more. Choices, choices...
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Cool :)
    Living likes this.
  14. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    That's cool. It's funny how social anxiety can vary quite a lot even within the same person. It's almost something we don't really control and can only work with it by acceptance. Of course, it's easier to accept when it doesn't show up lol. It's harder to accept when we see how it showed up and we feel like it limited us in that moment in some way or another.

    I find one of the best inner resources against social anxiety is being genuinely in a good mood or happy. That's why when we engage in activities we really do like we'll have better chances of naturally interacting with other people.

    I googled the Ruddy Shelduck and he's a pretty good looking duck.
    Living likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Well, just be careful not to escalate to more exotic species to get your dopamine high, ok?!
    -Luke-, Living, NewStart19 and 3 others like this.
  16. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Yea, you know you have a problem when you start looking at too many boobies. I hear people suffering from this problem usually start with just looking at a booby or two, say a brown or peruvian booby, but then start spending more time looking at other boobies, like nazca and masked ones. Ultimately, they escalate into binge-watching videos of groups of red-footed or blue-footed boobies. It's really something you have to be careful about or else it'll get out of hand.


    Glad you were able to push outside your comfort zone and have a nice little chat with some strangers. I too looked up the bird and think it has some pretty nice coloration.

    Take care
    Living, Gil79 and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  17. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    This was hilarious :D:D
    Living and Gil79 like this.
  18. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    :D Thanx for the interesting discussion on boobies, guys! I have to say not living close to the sea tits are bigger issue than boobies are. Especially great tits. It only have to step out of my garden to be surrounded by them...

    Next week my GF is going to see her parents for a few days. 'Short term me' is making plans for a really good party:eek: I think I should be able to get through this, but ofcourse part of me does worry. I haven't had an opportunity like this in months and I haven't had this much freedom during my current streak at all. Then again, at the start of the streak I had enough days where I did have the opportunity to PMO and did not. And the good thing is, is that this is in fact an opportunity to grow and to get more confident about the process. Situations like these are still something that I'm unconfident with, so perhaps it's time to show myself I can handle this perfectly well:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I just feel so much better about myself when I do not give in to urges and I want that feeling to last

    Three good things:
    -Sunday my GF and I went on a really nice 50 km bikeride. The weather was really good and this time of year the environment we visited is pretty damn nice. On our way back we went past this thing called a 'plukbos', which is like a patch of land with all kinds of berry bushes and appletrees on the edge of the city. The fruit is free to pick and we collected some gooseberries, jostaberries and black currants. Yesterday I made a cake with custard and gooseberries. Man, that is a really delicious cake! Today I'm going to make a mixed berry jam with elder flower cordial. Think that will be pretty good too.
    -My GF again complimented me on getting more lean and how it also shows in certain shirts. This morning she pointed out how muscled my calfs were becoming. My workout is really paying off:)
    -My GF's sister is going to a pretty rough period and she just moved to a new house this week. Even though I have some serious issues with her I suggested to my girlfriend that we should send her flowers because that would probably make her day a little brighter. Some days you just have to put your ego aside;)
  19. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I like how you turn that opportunity to act out into an opportunity to grow as a human being! From what you wrote the last weeks and months I don't think you need to worry about it, but it's great to be aware of the possible danger.

    (P.S.: I hope I never meet an English speaking woman who has many tits (the birds) in her garden. "Wow, you have nice tits!" might lead to a misunderstanding...)
    Gil79 and Living like this.
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Living likes this.

Share This Page