Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Lol, uhm, no? The soil in the vegetable bed is really nice soil and before I used the netting they sometimes took a crap in it. To netting is there to stop them and other cats to do so:)

    They are 10. Two brothers. Both standard European short hair.
  2. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Awwww so cute. Give 'em a squeeze for me, will 'ya

    I have three. Brother and sister, eight years old and their daughter 6 years old.
    Persian longhair.
    Living likes this.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Sounds like a good weekend. One idea for the veggie bed could be a cage with a door (like where you'd keep chickens,) but it would be rather clumsy so I'm glad you found a good system.
    Living likes this.
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    What you describe are the real measures of recovery and succes. Really nice to read.

    Cats shitting in my garden is one of my top frustrations lately :mad:. People here don't have litter boxes, so they use my vegetable beds for it.
    Living likes this.
  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have a bit stronger urges today. Yesterday my girlfriend and me went for a walk where I saw some girl with a really nice butt in a thong. Those are things that can definitely trigger me. The good thing is that I have to work and that my girlfriend works at home too, so there is no serious chance to act out. Besides, I feel like I can handle this at the moment.

    @Eternity: it's actually kind of like a cage, but with the BttF-doors:) I could have made something more proper, but we are looking to move to another part of the country, so I didn't want to make to big of a fuzz. Then again, I am pretty pleased with the result:)

    @Gil79: Thanks man! Yeah, cats are great, but they don't go well with vegetable gardens.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because there is so much in the world to enjoy when you only look around:)

    Three good things:
    -Put up some more propagated plants for the neighbours to take this weekend. It's good to see how much people like the idea and just start a talk and things like that. We also got some plants in return too and people start bringing us plant containers. It's really cool how something so small can just put things in motion:)
    -Yesterday during our walk I heard a bird I didn't recognise in the park. I know there are some lesser whitethroats there and when we got home I checked out their song online. It could have been one. I actually went back with my phone to check with my birdsong app, but the bird was gone.
    -On my current project I sometimes have moments where I have nothing to do and at such projects I often bring a book with me. My girlfriend suggested The Fires of London by Andrew Taylor which is like a historical suspense novel. Thus far it's really a nice book:)
    Gil79 likes this.
  6. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Sounds exciting, a chance to get a larger garden. And yeah, it's summer. There's just no way to avoid it all. I had a dangerous encounter myself, even though it was only a second's glance.
    Living likes this.
  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I feel exactly the same. I just feel a lot safer in that sense. If I get urges, I know I just have to sit it out for a short while, cause there's always wife and kids around. If I would have been alone I don't think I would have been doing a good job in staying away from porn. On the one hand this makes me feel weak. On the other hand, I am human and I need others.
    Pete McVries and Living like this.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Since I had a lot of time on my project I went for a walk. That was nice. I didn't have the same ease as when I have a day off, but still it was nice. Saw loads of dragonflies and ladyflies, a couple of chiffchaffs and I heard several garden warblers but couldn't properly spot them.

    @Eternity: yeah, the summer does have more triggers like that. On the other hand I feel so much better in summer. The sun making me feel good and all that nature:) I find it a bit annoying that the girl lingers on my mind, but I don't think I should feel bad for enjoying the view. After all: it was a nice ass;)

    @Gil79: yeah, I get what you mean. But perhaps you could see it like this: you chose not to PMO because you value your wife and kids too much. So if you could keep up that and other values too, you should be able to manage things outside of lock down. Perhaps that's a bit 'short through the curve', but I don't think the way you look at it is the only way you can see this. There are more positive and helpful perspectives.
    -Luke- and Pete McVries like this.
  9. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Of course days off are the hardest, but so what? You're committed.

    Spend times with your cats. It helps.
  10. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    BoughtWithBlood, Living and Gil79 like this.
  11. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yeah, it's not the only thing that keeps me from acting out (an addict always finds a way to get his kick), but it definitely helps me at times. Also reading a bit more about it and looking back into my past, I can see how much the 'being alone opportunity' is really physically wired to porn-use.

    I will see it through the fingers, man. And I will not hit your advice in the wind ;)

    Living likes this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    There have been some issues with urges the last couple of times. The girl in the thong was the trigger and combined with a couple of nights too little sleep and some pretty demotivating work there has been an effect I didn't like that much. Nonetheless I have handled it well and for the next couple weeks it seems I can wake up at a 'normal' time, so while it is annoying I'm not that worried that it will lead to anything serious. For the rest I'm doing fine. Did my first run in a couple of days and it felt sooooo good. And I'm pretty happy with the rain. I mean, I like the sun, but my garden (and nature in general) could definitly do with a bit of water.



    @Shady: I care. Besides I think one should be able to mention that he's glad he's not home alone without someone saying 'who cares'.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    Because I like the way I have felt over the past few months way too much to give up:)

    Three good things:
    -It's raining:) My garden really needed a bit of water and everything just became even more green than it already was.
    -This week and last week I have been watching Springwatch on the BBC and it's just an awesome programme. Lots of animals and plants:)
    -This morning my girlfriend was listening to 'Beirut' by Ibrahim Maalouf and I think it's just such a great song. I especially like the way the song is build up and when you know the story behind it you actually see the story unfolding. It's about when he was young and living in Beirut. One morning he was walking through the streets listening to music on his headphones with the everyday sounds of Beirut in the background. All of a sudden he witnessed a suicide attack and he ran away scared from the scene while on his headphones Led Zeppelin was playing. That whole story is in the song and it's just beautiful. Especially in the first part you can almost feel the heat of the city. So I wanted to share that:
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  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It seems that many of us are happy about the rain. I encourage a walk today because it just smells so good outside now.
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  14. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    When I started sleeping better again the urges pretty much disappeared. To me this shows once again how circumstancial these things are. In a sense these things come in waves, which is a good thing in itself, because it's not something that is there all the time. But my experience is that by creating better circumstances you can actually break these waves.

    @Eternity: Totally:)

    Reason why am doing this:
    -Because I simply don't want to back. I want to feel the way I do now with all it's ups and downs.

    Three good things:
    -Today I went birdwatching again and I saw a fox. I know for some of you that might not be all that special, but I have never seen a wild fox in my life. And they are such awesome creatures!
    -What I start to notice during my walks is how my world around me has grown. I mean I see things I never ever noticed before. For example these days I can see a little black dot on a stem of reet 50 meters away and realize it's a male reed bunting. Or when you see a slightly browner spot and you just know that it has to be a bluethroat. It's one of the most important lessons of my scientific background: no matter what you are looking at, zoom and things will become interesting. It sometimes baffles me why we have this drive to travel halfway across the planet to see new things when we don't even have a clue what's in our own backyard. Now I'm not going to judge that or anything, but to me it's pretty absurd. Yesterday I saw this macro-cameraman in BBC's Springwatch (do watch that!) that made these aquariums filled with water from local ponds and he just blew up his shots and what you saw was simply amazing.
    -My parents in law came by this weekend. We had a delicious rhubarb custard pie and a great lunch and they brought bonbons. Bonbons make me happy:)
    -(edit: because 4 is the new 3) the coal tits in my garden have fledged. We now have all these young coal tits hanging around our feeders. Awesome!
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2020
  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I see foxes all the time, but it's always special. Any kind of wild animal is, really. Last year I saw a fox chase a rabbit, which felt like something out of an american documentary.

    And I totally agree about often ignoring what is near home, or common. I'm not very interested in insects and spiders, but I still find it fascinating to watch them. And all I have to do is go for a walk in the garden. That said, I love to hike in new places.
    Living likes this.
  16. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Your posts about the BBC documentary reminded me that I still have Planet Earth on DVD. I think I'll watch that again next week or so. There are also some seemingly interesting nature documentaries on Netflix I want to look into.

    Btw: The only fox I ever saw in nature was in the Netherlands, too. He seemed really young and didn't seem to care at all that I was there.
    Living likes this.
  17. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Since my runs are getting longer and longer I think it's time to take things a bit more serious. I want to be able to do even longer runs so I can get out of the city and into proper nature, but I think I should do that in a more balanced way. Perhaps I even want to try trail running at a certain moment. Right now I just run and run, there is no real plan. I looked into joining a club, but with the Covid-19 problems perhaps that's not the best of ideas right now. Luckily I found out that Polar has these awesome personal running programs you can do with your watch. So I created a program to train for a half marathon on a random date in october and the site just planned in all these different runs. Not just runs though, but also exercises and core and strength training. I should have known this before because this is really good stuff. Well, I actually kind of did, but never looked into it. So I want to get to a half marathon in a couple of months, perhaps do a couple of competitions when they are organized again and from there I'm going to train for a full marathon. I have never really thought of that, but with the proper training I think I can do that. My dad, who has run for decades, said he didn't doubt I could do it:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because if you see the positive changes it's the only thing that makes sense.

    Three good things:
    -Credit where credit is due: your replies always make me happy. Although I'm sometimes a bit critical about the forum I do we believe we have a very cool little community here;)
    -On tuesday I did a 14 km run. That might have been my longest this far. Not sure. But it was really awesome to get back to these longer runs after the injury.
    -When I see how I'm doing I feel I'm really lucky. Despite my problems I do have a beautiful life, great health and spend my time in ways I really enjoy:)
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  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I'd say most of (ultra) endurance sports is about the mental side. The body can make it much further than you think. As energy drops, the brain will get whiny and try to make you stop. So also consider this, and what energy supplements to use, etc. Doing core is a good idea, one which I've always been too lazy to do. And definitely go for trail runs, it's much more technical, so if you go back to roads after you will feel (and probably become) much more efficient. Plus, not much beats a run in nature.

    @-Luke- Cubs are usually very curious so that doesn't surprise me at all. They don't seem to have that fear of humans yet.
    Living likes this.
  19. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Nice going @Living !

    “When I see how I'm doing I feel I'm really lucky. Despite my problems I do have a beautiful life, great health and spend my time in ways I really enjoy:)

    This is a really great one! Happy to read you’re enjoying a beautiful life.
    Living likes this.
  20. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Sunday I was a bit down because of some family issues and on top of that I had some stupid argument with my girlfriend. At a certain point of selfpity and anger I said to myself: why am I doing this? After one minute of telling myself really unhelpful stuff I was like "Fuck that! I'm not doing this for anybody else, I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this because I am worth it." I don't know, but seeing me or my life as 'worth it' is not something that comes natural to me, so I was kind of proud when I told myself just that out of nowhere:) So that's my 'reason why I am doing this' for today: I'm worth it.

    @Eternity: I would love going on trial runs, but you really don't know how extremely cultivated the dutch landscape is and on top of that I live in a city. But if I can run a bit further I'm going to look for some trials in the vicinity. I guess there should be at least a couple. And I don't like core training either, but it seems that with a video I do become more motivated to do so:)

    @BoughtWithBlood: thank you! Life does not always seem beautiful, but in part that's just because we don't see all the beauty that is around you.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I'm worth it:)

    Three good things:
    -I'm reading this really nice book called Rewild Yourself by Simon Barnes. It's actually a book with some very practical tips and stories on how you can get in touch with nature in a deeper way. How you can experience more of that awe that nature can bring to a life. And it's not just about travelling to these really wild lands, but also on ways to experience nature in the city. I can really recommend it;)
    -I'm really glad with the training program. It doesn't take more time than I spend before on running, but it seems a lot more efficient:) And it's actually fun, because it's a lot more diverse.
    -The newt is still in minipond:) I check daily and sometimes I don't see him, but then a couple of days later he is back.

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