Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Thanx guys for the responses guys! As always it's very much appreciated:)

    @BoughtWithBlood: yeah, it does make a difference. I mean is not just the phone, but phone use is probably the best example to a mindset that is bound to lead to loads of stress. A smartphone has it's benefits too, but I just don't see anymore how overall it improves our lives. Perhaps it does for some people, but for a whole lot of people it just creates a shitload of unnecessary stress. I'm just beginning to let go of that, but I'm not planning on going back.

    @Eternity: the twisted thing is ofcourse that in the end a different way of growing our food might save of us a lot of money. Right now intensive farming is cheaper, but what if you look at the state of our soils? What if you look at our environment? What if you look at our health? What do the amounts of neurotoxins we stuff into our systems on a daily basis do to our bodies? And it's not like a tomato now is the same tomato of as a tomato 100 years ago. Due to our form of agriculture it's a lot less nutricious, so we need to eat more to get the good stuff we need. That goes not just for veggies, but meat as well. Do we look at those things when we buy the cheap alternative from the supermarket?

    I think this is something we can act upon ourselves too. For example, I've recently joined a coorporation that buys agricultural land so farmers that are willing to work along our (ecological) values can work that land. The idea is that the more members we get the more opportunities we create for ecological farmers and thus for the environment. It's a pretty new organisation, not even six months old, but right now we have over 2000 members and we just bought our first field of 8 hectares. That's still very little ofcourse, but the long term goal is get to 300.000 hectares. What I like about the concept is that it's an investment, not in terms of money, but in terms of environment. The land I have bought I can sell again too. I don't plan to make money by selling it, but in a way this feels more solid than giving money to a charity. I think it are ideas like that where we can make difference as individuals.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because porn is not really the best alternative:)

    Three good things:
    -My psychologist adviced me to do this practice called Progressive Muscle Relaxation to get more in touch with my body (I'm way too stuck in my head). It's a pretty simple exercise where you tense and relax muscles. I did it yesterday and today and it felt really good. Already it made me realize that I relax my muscles waaaay too little:)
    -The moussaka was plain awesome! That was so yummy. Tomorrow I'm going to make veggie shepherd's pie (https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/veggie-shepherds-pie-sweet-potato-mash), that really was one of my comfort food favorites:)
    -I have been propagating some of my plants and they are really doing well. We even get to the point where we have way too much plants for our house and garden. Thank God that it's so awesome to make other people happy by giving them plants.
    Gil79 and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  2. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Plants are awesome! I started getting some for my house too in the last couple of months. Somehow it is really relaxing to have green in your home and it feels awesome to take good care of them and see them grow.

    The way you view smartphones is highly interesting! I don’t have any social media on mine other than whatsapp. But I do grab it quite often. Maybe that’s something I can reduce as well.
    Living likes this.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It is indeed a high price to pay, when you consider the big picture. Cheap food and expensive healthcare, versus high quality food and a much healthier life, the choice seems obvious. But all that matters is sadly money. I'm interested in growing some vegetables on my own to see the difference. I heard about an interesting project that grows seaweeds which could be the basis of a diet for billions, so I believe that these alternative methods are the future.

    It's also sad that most of the industrialized land is used to grow feed for animals. If this land instead was used to grow vegetables, what would happen?

    That sounds awesome. I suppose I've been too busy looking up the negatives that I haven't noticed that there are actually positive things happening. I'm sure that I could donate some money each month to similar projects.

    Me too, I'm always tense. Maybe I should try this too.
    Living likes this.
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    You have to make choice. If you don't, a dinosaur will be assigned to you. You might be lucky, but you can still end up as a e.g. a fapociraptor or a mastrudon. Better choose carefully ;)
  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Things are still going fine. Working less is pretty good for me. Also the Progressive Muscle Relaxation seems to be something that works for me, so I'm going to explore that a bit more. Pornwise I'm doing perfectly fine. Sometimes I have fantasies or even urges, but when I even consider to give in I'm reminded that I have put up a blocker. Just that reminder makes me rethink the situation and then it's actually pretty easy to let it go.

    @BoughtWithBlood: I can really recommend it. Both more plants and less phone by the way:) Research shows that putting plants in your room is actually good for you and that it reduces stress. The phone thing goes way beyond that. I actually consider myself a moderate user, but I used it so much more than was good for me. These days during the weekend the first time I check my phone is around lunch time and that just gives a whole lot of rest. Right now I'm still considering checking my phone occasionally, but I expect that if I keep this up the difference will be even bigger.

    @Eternity: I heard about the seaweed too. Those things are really interesting, as well as growing food in boxes or the use of hydroponics (where you don't need soil). And I agree with you on the meat. I think we have grown up as a generation that believes meat has the be part of our meals. One thing that I found interesting about the Wilding book I was talking about a couple of weeks ago is the idea how we always look at things from our perspective. We assume that since when we were young we all ate meat, meat eating has always been there. But when you look at our grandparents (at least mine), when they grew up meat was a luxury. Both my parents come from farms and even their youths were so much different than mine. Things I have always taken for granted were far from normal for them. Besides that, when you look at how much of the food we produce is thrown away even before we buy it, that's just pervers.

    In these difficult times it's easy to become quite negative, but I believe that sticking to that will not get you any further. There are actually a lot of positive things happening.

    @Gil79: lol, I will make sure I'm ready for the when moment of truth comes;)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    Because the progress I have the last months, but also last year, has all been worth it.

    Three good things:
    -Our vegetable patch is really going well. We have just a small patch of 2,5 by 1 m, but we have already eaten spinach and different variaties of lettuce a couple of time. Currently we have rocket, mustard and some other stuff: all lovely. And the sugar snaps are starting to become bigger plants now. Really looking forward to them. Chard is starting to grow too. And we have propagated tomato's, peppers, courgette, potatoes and so on. Some of those won't come in the patch, but in pots. It's amazing though how much you can grow on just a little bit of garden:)
    -Yesterday I made this awesome chocohazelnutbananabread. Man, that was a really good recipe. The banana taste really came through and worked well with the chocolate. I really like how I do more things like this these days!
    -Besides the newt friday I spotted another common enemy of the slug: a hedgehog:) They come every year and I love welcoming them in our garden.
    Pete McVries and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  6. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Yep, or "rooftop farms," there are many potential ways to grow food. I was brought up on meat or fish every day, so of course it gets natural to believe that we need it. If I ever get kids, I'll definitely encourage part-vegan or full vegan. And agreed on the wasting of food - people starve and tons of perfectly fine food is thrown away. I try to do my share by not throwing anything away. My compost is weeping because I seldom give it anything. Which brings me back to meat, I think it's necessary to try to use the whole animal in the future. Or do we take a life just to waste a lot of it?

    Unfortunately I haven't seen any around here, and they're not faring well in general. Maybe one day?
    Living likes this.
  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Interesting discussion guys. I’m no vegeterian or vegan but I started to reduce my meat intake. I also really love vegetables. I love the colors, the taste and all the ways you can prepare them. Meat and fish are great protein sources though and I absolutely agree that we should use the whole animal. I’ve been watching lots of ‘catch clean and cook’ videos on youtube. I love the videos where they hunt a species that is harmful for the environment. It’s a win-win when the environment thrives when that overpopulated animal gets hunted ánd you get to eat it.

    Another problem is that most meats are just food products in the supermarket. You can hardly recognize that it once was an animal who’s life was taken. Once we realize that, we can treat it with the proper respect, do our best not to waste it and be thankful for it.
    Living likes this.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I totally agree on the using the whole animal. Actually I believe most animals are used pretty much used as a whole already, but much can be used in a better way. As @BoughtWithBlood mentioned there is a huge distance between the product we buy in a supermarket and the actual animal where it comes from. I remember some classes about this issue where it was proposed that this distance was deliberately created starting with the storing away of livestock in closed area's in rural environments. But also when you look at words like beef and pork, there is a distance created from the actual animal it comes from. What we see in the supermarkets today is ofcourse an extreme version of that. This is actually one of the reasons why I don't buy my meat at the supermarket anymore. Where we once might have created a distance because we didn't like to see what we ate as the remnants of a butchered animal, I think I appreciate meat so much more knowing that it comes from animal that I value.

    And we only want meat in the supermarket that looks pretty, while there are a lot of pieces of meat that might look a bit less appealing but that tastes really good (and are relatively cheap too). We want meat with no fatty bits, but in the fatty bits there is just sooooo much flavour. And in bone too! Earlier this year I had to make chicken broth for my cats because one didn't eat well, so I went to the butcher to get some chicken bone with just a bit of meat on it. This is something I would have never have bought for myself, but I tasted the broth and there was just a shitload of flavour there. And that for something that I would probably consider waste. Same for blood: I'm not the biggest fan of the traditional blood sausage we have here, but I had some black pudding in a nice restaurant in Edinburgh and that tasted incredible. These are all part of an animal that become so much more valuable if we are willing to view the product in different way. And I think that we do already see a shift in there. Perhaps not in the supermarket, but the last couple of years you do see more restaurants where things are a bit more 'raw'. And you also see that in cooking magazines and books. Not just with meats, but also when you look at young people that are starting to get interested in producing their own food and fermentation. There definitly is something bubbling:)

    Reason why I'm doing this:
    I have used this reasons before, but when I'm old and sitting with my girlfriend on our front porch looking back out our lives I want to sit there with a big smile upon my face.

    Three good things:
    -There is just so much more life in our garden these days. Bees, bumblebees, hoverflies, butterflies and so on. Sure, some of the life is eating up my plants, but I just hope that brings predators and creates an even more dynamic ecosystem.
    -It has taken a bit of time, but I'm back at my old level of running. Last week and today I have been running 12,5 km:) It's still a little bit tough, but it feels like I can easily go beyond that.
    -I learning to take time for myself. Yesterday when I came home from work I made the decission that there was no need to check my phone anymore so a had a phoneless evening. Just knowing that you can make that decission gives a sence of liberty:)
    Last edited: May 19, 2020
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    That's too bad, man. Somehow it seems ironic that I get them in the middle of a city and you, with your huge forest garden, don't. They might still be there though, who knows. Perhaps go out at night every now and then and just listen. If it sounds like an elephant is walking through your undergrowth it it is probably a hedgehog. Those things can make a hell of a noise:)
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I doubt I'll butcher my own animal, but it's possible to buy packages from local farms containing a bit of everything. I think that's good, because it supports the farmers, especially if they maintain an eco-friendly farm. I think/hope that people are beginning to realize that food was better in the past. Real, simple meals.

    Awesome, I love running but my crappy knee makes it impossible in the long run (maybe, last year it was fine all the way.) There's something about the simplicity - just need to put on the shoes and go. Dressing for cycling takes forever and there's also the bike itself to maintain. I'm not complaining, though. A bike means a lot of freedom. Back to running, last year I actually set a PB for 12k, so I'm curious what proper training could do.

    It's very likely, I got the typical environment that they like. I haven't actually gone looking for any and considering that they are nocturnal, they don't fit with my schedule. I'll do some "hunting" - even if I don't hear any, I'll get to experience bats flying. And that's always fantastic.
    I'm interested in getting a night camera to monitor what actually visits at night. There's probably way more movement than I realize.
    Living likes this.
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    You could make a moth trap. Moths might seem like the dull cousins of butterflies, but there are some pretty spectaculair ones with stunning colours. And also pretty big ones (up to 20 cm).

    I have tried cycling by the way, but it's just not my thing. I already have a hard to riding a normal bike;)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because it makes me feel good about myself.

    Three good things:
    -Had lunch with my parents for the first time in months yesterday. It was really nice to see them again and my mom made some really nice stuff. We brought some plants we had progagated and came back with some plants from their garden. Lol, and lots of food ofcourse:)
    -Our garden is doing really well. It's simply a joy to look at it or work in it.
    -Yesterday there was a special about the Chelsea Flower Show on the BBC about things ranging from sustainability to the positive psychological effects of gardering. That was really nice to see:)
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have noticed an increase in fantasies. Not sure what to make of it though. When I have to work I get up at 5:15 and when I don't I get up around 7:30. However, because of these differences on days I don't have to work I'm often awake before the alarm. And in the weekend I try to give my GF some extra rest, so I'm often awake for a bit longer too. These are the instances when fantasies bubble up. I have always had that. When I get out of bed I'm often doing fine, but when I wake up that's when the fantasies hit me. Not sure why that is. Anyway, this is something that I have to deal with. It's not like I think it's that troublesome, but just a bit annoying when you want porn out of your life.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because every time I do things that I value matters:)

    Three good things:
    -Had a good weekend of cooking and baking. This is something I have neglected a bit the last couple years, but it's something I really enjoy. This weekend I made babi ketjap (which is so easy, but so yummy too), popcorn with caramel and miso (since we had a pot of corn I've started to experiment with it), rhubarb crumble with a bit Frangelico (crumbles are the best) and tomato and ketjap sambal (nom nom nom).
    -Played a scenario of Pathfinder: Rise of the Runelords yesterday. Even though I wasn't able to beat the villain I had a great time. Actually this is not the first time that I didn't complete the adventure. The first time I decided to just do some looting and just see if I could beat the game, the second time I was about to finish the villain in the last turn, but then something unexpected happened and yesterday I already encountered the villain two times which just took to much time. But it's still exciting every time though, partly because each time you get a better deck. Perhaps I will give it another shot tonight, it's not the hardest scenario there is.
    -Due to Covid-19 I can't have normal therapy session's. Normally I do video calls with my therapist, but this time she suggested to talk a walk in the park/forest close the clinic as an alternative. That was a really nice form of therapy:)
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day


    I always feel good after reading your 3 good things :)

    Keep going!
    Living likes this.
  14. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's a good idea. It would be interesting to see what shows up.

    You say you get fantasies when you wake up and are still in bed? The simple solution would be to just get out of bed, if possible without waking the GF. I know I'd go crazy if I was forced to stay in bed.
    Living likes this.
  15. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    @Gil79: that's great to hear! To me the three good things are pretty important. I turn to porn mainly when I feel down, stressed or just out of control. And like a lot (maybe most) people I'm rather better at paying attention to the things that go wrong than to the things that go well. To me the three good things is a way to cultivate my positive feelings so it's less likely I will turn to porn. A great of benefit is also that by paying more attention to the positive things, you are getting better at seeing positive things in general. What I learned from ACT is that a lot of people see happiness as a natural state and negative feelings as if someone is wrong with them, but that that is not how it works. Things like three good things make me realize that happiness perhaps is not a state at all, but rather a skill. While I don't think you can just create happiness like that, I have really started to see that it's worth cultivating.

    @Eternity: lol it's not that bad, most of the time I just do some mindfulness exercises or so. While I really value relationships, it does make a lot of things more complex too. My GF is under a lot of stress at the moment and to me it's beneficial to let her sleep. Mainly because I like seeing her happy, but also because less stress for her means less stress between us. The fantasy thing is a bit annoying, but my GF having a bit more rest is worth that. She's not a very deep sleeper, so getting out of bed without waking her is pretty hard. Besides, it's not like I do that everyday.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because gardening > porn:)

    Three good things:
    -Yesterday I made overnight oats with banana and cacao. Maaaaaaaan, that was good! I added a bit of honey, cinnamon, some seeds and blueberries. I'm going to prepare it again tonight:)
    -Did some gardening today. Some things that had to be done, which was pretty nice. One thing I have been planning to do was putting a tray of our propagated plants for neighbours to take. I really like growing plants and we have a lot of seedlings of Astrantia major for example. Besides when we plant seeds we often plant more than we can use in case some won't make it. Since I think having more wildlife friendly flowers in the vicinity and I like it when others get happy about something like this, I thought it would be a good idea to give away some of our plants. Already one of our neighbours was really happy with some heuchera plants. She said she loved how the looked in our garden, actually she was complimenting our garden in general, and really wanted some of them. Win-win for us:)
    -The last week or so a lot more insects started coming to our garden. Umbellifers like Astrantia, but also Alchemilla, are really attracting a lot of hoverflies and wild bees. Aquilegia, Geraniums en Lamiums are drawing bumblebees. I really wish for a bit more lady bugs to deal with Aphids, but we got other bugs like ichneumon wasps and hoverflies to deal with those too:)
    Shady and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  16. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I've noticed an increase, too. Got the first mosquito bite yesterday. There's also a constant buzzing from the apple tree - it's absolutely covered in flowers. I haven't seen many ladybugs either, sadly. The field is becoming very green and lush, so hopefully there will be more.

    I'd like to see your garden sometime, sounds like it would inspire me too.
    Living likes this.
  17. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    That's awesome! In my future garden there will be apple trees too:) In his latest book Dave Goulson has a really nice chapter on 'old' apple races and the effect of them on the wildlife. That made me want them even more. As for a picture of my garden: I will think about that. What I post on here is rather private, some things I don't even share with my girlfriend or friends, and so I am kinda cautious when it comes to personal information. I hope you understand. And despite me talking about my garden a lot: friends of mine once said that the way I talk about my garden makes it sound like it's an enormous patch, but it's really not even 100 square meters. The pond isn't even one square meter. I do like my garden a whole lot, but it's not that much.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I think my life is fine the way it is and I should learn to accept that.

    Three good things:
    -Yesterday I went for a walk in a different part of the wetlands area where I normally go to. It's a part that is less visited by bird watchers and so on, but I was kinda curious about it. Partly because it is less visited:) Anyway, it was sooooo much better than I expected. Very different from the other part which is mainly lakes, reet and meadows, this part had a lot more trees (which I really like) and it was a lot more diverse. After a couple of km on a road through modern meadows things slowly shifted to more traditional meadows with lots of flowers. Then I came upon a sand track along an old canal in a beautiful area and later on a dike that swayed between meadows, reetlands and clusters of trees. This whole part which took me something like 2 hours I didn't meet any other person. The last part was a small path almost at water level where on both sides there was reet longer than myself. I didn't expect this part of the wetland area to be so incredible.
    -During my trip I came upon a woody area next to one of the lakes and there were all kinds of dragonflies and damselflies there. From the common bluetail to the southern hawker and the blue emporer. I also saw a couple of broad-bodied chasers which I couldn't remember having seen before. I think I've spend around half an hour there just watching all the species:)
    -My girlfriend brought some pastries for between breakfast and lunch this morning. Mine was with blueberries and pastry cream: delicious!
    Gil79 likes this.
  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Yeah, I completely understand that. I'm also hesitant to post too much private stuff, especially on social media. And even if I could share my pictures here, I'm worried that someone will make the connection. As for the size, it's the contents that matter. I've seen both magnificent parks, and cozy small gardens. But I suspect that you could do a lot if you had more space.

    I think that shows that there's always something new to discover. I used to never tire of my path in the woods at my parents' house, because there was always a different perspective to view. When the trees were cut down I got seriously depressed and I think it's left a scar that will never fully heal.
    Living likes this.
  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Even though it's hard to see sometimes (because: see pic below) I feel like I'm making progress. I mean, sure, we make progress all the time, but I think I'm slowly getting to places I haven't been in a long time. One of the best signs is how I seem to deal with potential stress in better way. The last couple of years when I wanted to get something done I needed to prepare things and take my time and everything had to go the way things should go. But for example last friday I spontaneously decided to make a tray bake and since I didn't want to go the supermarket I altered the recipe. I even changed some stuff that we actually did have. My girlfriend was flabbergasted by me letting go of control like that:D And yesterday I wanted to do something about our vegetable bed (see below) and just did it. A couple of times I hit unaccounted for obstacles, but I just made up a solution and simply went on. It probably took me three hours to build the constructing, but I didn't feel a moment of stress. I really don't know when the last time was that I could do something in such a way. At least, not since my burn-out, which was 7 years ago. So yeah, I had a pretty awesome weekend:)


    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I haven't felt like this in such a long time and I have proven to myself that taking step after step after step after step eventually gets you somewhere

    Three good things:
    -I saturday I went for a short bicycle ride and a hike with my girlfriend. We went to a small forest we have visited quite a few times, but normally at the end of a long hike. This time we would just see the forest so we could just differt from our normal path. What we saw was really beautiful. We took a smaller path from the main path and walked from the forest into this really old rural landscape with same fields and even a vineyard. I knew there would be yellowhammers in the area and when I heard the 5th symphony of Beethoven I knew we found one. I'm not very good at bird song yet, but that one is quite easy to recognize. And it really is a nice bird to see. We also saw a couple of goldfinches. Then we walked on and hit more beautiful landscapes. We actually met the parents of a friend and had a nice little chat. And then we cycled back home. That was a really nice trip:)
    -Not to brag, but the cake I make was splendid. It's a traybake with apple and raspberry (https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/raspberry-apple-crumble-squares) that I have baked before and I know it would be lovely. Since we didn't have raspberries I put in blueberries, which worked just as well. What I like about it is that it makes a really light and airy cake. Oh, and the dough is really yummy too;)
    -The vegetable bed. We have this raised bed with sides of braided willow twines and we have two cats. The cats really love the bed and find it an excellent litter box. As soon as we understood that we mate this metal netting above it so they couldn't stand in the bed. However, the netting was a bit low for some of the plants and it was a bit difficult to cut some of veggies. So yesterday I made decided to raise the netting, so it wouldn't disturb the plant growth. And I also wanted to make it in a way that I could reach the vegetables better. I did a bit of thinking and made this system out of netting and bamboo where you can easily tilt part of the netting (like the car from Back to the Future) to reach to vegetables. I'm really proud of the system!
  20. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    That's right. One step at a time.

    Use that good feeling about yourself to push yourself forward and to stay away from porn.

    You have two kitties? How old? What kind?
    You let them pee on the vegetables?
    Living likes this.

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