Farewell happy place

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Living, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 21: still doing well. Had a good talk with a friend about looking for opportunities in different fields and issues in my current job. He mentioned something I hadn't really realized so far. I want to do a job I find more meaningful than what I did last year and one thing that comes to mind all the time is something to do with environment. I have always been interested in ecology and landscape, so that would be something I find both interesting and meaningful. We were discussing this and I was like "I would really like that, but I don't think I have the right resumé for that." But then he said that with the current issues with the environment and climate change, opportunities will grow. And ofcourse he has a point there. So that's something I'm going to look into.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I want to feel good about myself again.

    Three good things:
    -Every year the bookstores in my country have this really good deal where they print a 'classic' childrens book in an affordable edition which you can then either buy or donate to people with little money for 2 euro's. I really love the idea. I think reading is so important to children. And that's not just about learning language skills, but also sparking the imagination. Ofcourse I sometimes damn my vivid imagination, but I think it also helps me a lot to deal with problems. Both practical problems as well as scientific problems. So I bought 5 books and donated them:)
    -I went to an exhibition on a dutch painter, Pieter de Hoogh, who was a contemperary of Vermeer. They lived in the same city and influenced each other a lot. I really like his work because most of paintings are outside (and I always like that) and give a really good view of life in the 17th century. I went there with one of my best friends and it was a great afternoon:)
    -Yesterday the Netherlands were hit by a storm with a name for the first time ever. I wasn't that worried about it, but everybody was in complete turmoil. When the storm actually happened I was kinda dissappointed because it wasn't really that bad. I was nice taking a walk though. The wind that tried to push me around, it made both me and the world around me so much more alive.
    -Luke- and Pete McVries like this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Victory comes from finding opportunities in problems. (Sun Tzu)

    I also think that in the future "the right resumé" will be less important and "thinking outside the box" will be of more significance.

    That's a great idea!
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 23: doing fine. A little bit stressed, because I want to finish something that I know I'm not going to finish in time. Since that's not really my fault, I try to accept that and just do my best to finish it as soon as possible. That's something I actually find hard. I have always been a lot harder on myself than I am on others. It is something I do hope to change, because it is not really helping me:)

    @-Luke-: I totally agree with the Sun Tzu quote. There are always different ways to view events, why always take the negative ones?:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because sometimes just a bit of effort can make a huge difference. Sometimes I struggle with myself and with porn a lot, but sometimes (like right now) things just click and things become so much easier in a matter of days. It would be nice to know how and when these things click, but knowing that a bit of effort can make so much difference is worth putting in the effort anyway. It might not always work the same way, but it's still worth it. I think that talking about certain issues with my girlfriend and try to positively change my life has really made a difference. I don't think I ever get a serious depression, but when you lose hope and you no longer understand what you are fighting for it becomes pretty hard to reboot.

    Three good things:
    -I am really pleased with my sprouts and especially the depuy lentils. They taste great and it is a an easy to make addition for your daily vegetables. After soaking for a couple of hours I just put them in my sprouting station and spray some water over them in the morning and the evening. After three or four days they have sprouted enough. You can eat them like that, but I like steaming them for a couple of minutes, which really adds to the taste. I love adding them to a sandwich with hummus or peanutbutter and sambal. It's something that you can grow all year through and it is pretty afforable. I buy my dried lentils at 3.49 E for 500 gram. After soaking they at least double in weight and while sprouting they gain weight too. Let's say you get 2000 gram out of the bag. I think with the great flavour and the health benefits that's well worth it:)
    -Had to go to the dentist yesterday and he told me that I really took great care of my teeth. That hasn't always been the case and I don't have the best teeth in the world, so that was great to hear!
    -I had to estimate my extra hours for the project I'm working on. Now there are two things here: the money I earn and the time I spend. Since I have a pretty high hourly wage I was actually okay with getting paid less hours than I did put in. I made an estimation of the hours, but considering the money I would get I would actually be okay with a third of that (which my GF strongly disagreed with:)). My goal was to get to two thirds. So I mailed my contact and he had some comments, but he was actually okay with 90% of the hours, which is a lot more than I hoped for:) He has to discuss this with his supervisor, but it would be awesome!
    nuclpow likes this.
  4. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Good thing number four:

    I thought about my struggles the last months or so and somehow the song 'We all try' by Frank Ocean popped in my head. I first heard Frank Ocean on a mixtape with the song 'Swim good'. Both musically and lyrically that was something I hadn't heard in modern day RnB in a long while. It was dark, but it was also very human. It were the things that we all feel sometimes, but too often try to keep from the surface. It got me interested and I got his Nostalgia, Ultra mixtape a few days later. I love the album, but particularly this song 'We all try'. It's about honesty, it's about not being perfect, it's about people having different perspectives and it's about doubts and struggles.

    To me this song is not about faith and belief in a sense of religion, but about having hope. In this society that becomes more and more complex it's sometimes hard not to lose faith. When I look at this board often I see how we all struggle in our own ways. Some struggle in ways that are similar to mine and some struggle in ways that I find really hard to understand. And I do try to understand those struggles, but it's just something I can't always relate to. But I know that we all try in our ways. We try to get by in this society and we try to help others getting by. But to do so you will have to keep faith in something, you have to have hope that one day things will get better. And sometimes it is hard to keep that faith, but it is something we do have to hold on to. You must believe in something. Therefore:

  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 24: still doing fine:) I sometimes consider porn in the morning, but nothing really serious.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -I want to become more like the man I would like to be:)

    Three good things:
    -I have complained a few times about the quality of my meditations. Since I have been putting more effort into it and also being more mindful about life in general, my meditations have become so much better. I am a lot more aware of things like bodyscans and drift of a whole less. It starts feeling good again after I sat down for 20 minutes. I haven't felt like that after a meditation in a long while:)
    -Yesterday I did a scan of my garden and saw the first crocuses starting to bloom. It won't be long before the first daffodils will bloom again. I know it's still winter, but spring really is my favorite season:)
    -Yesterday I spend most of the evening reading. I really enjoyed that. Although I do read on a daily base, I really take an entire evening just for reading more often.
  6. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 25: my sleep hasn't been optimal for a few days and I've been having some headaches. Not sure what brought this on, but when my new project starts this monday I think they will be gone.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because every now and then you get that glimpse of how wonderful life could be when you put in the effort. That's all worth it:)

    Three good things:
    -I did it. Finally! @Pete McVries: I've played Wingspan:) How awesome is that game. I think this is one of the most fun boardgames I've played in long while. There is just soooo much you can do and it's all fun:) Good thing is also that my GF actually seemed to enjoy it because it's not really all that competitive.
    -Yesterday my GF had a hard time with her thesis and I really did my best to cheer her up and help her. That really worked and she handed in some work yesterday she thought she would hand in today. I told how I was really proud of her and that we should celebrate it. We did, ordered Thai and just had a nice evening. When we went to bed she said she was really happy that I was there for her that night. And that's what this is about:)
    -I had the first appointment with my therapist today. I'm starting a treatment called COMET (Competitive Memory Training) which is an CBT that really focusses on self value. Hope this will be beneficial. It was a good first session and I think the therapist is assertive enough to deal with me:)
    Pete McVries likes this.
  7. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it's a lovely game and I need to play it again too. At the moment, I'm working through my pile of unplayed games with my partner, so we are solely playing games that are new to us until every game that plays decently with two players has been played. So Wingspan will have to wait a bit :D
    Living likes this.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 34: still doing fine, just noticed a bit of urges this morning, but that can always happen. The project I'm working on at the moment is really cool and that keeps me more than busy during the week. I don't expect any problems for at least the next couple of weeks.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because it is just such a big difference when I do feel good about myself.

    Three good things:
    -Current project is awesome, probably the best project in 7 or 8 years. So that's really cool. Since projects like these are kinda rare where I live, it does confirm my believe that I should move.
    -Combining the work I'm doing right now and meditations have always been pretty hard, but up til now I have been doing really well. Habitica also helps me with that and other small things I find important, but don't always make the time for.
    -I've stopped following the news again. I find it important, but it doesn't really change anything and often makes me feel bad. There are enough things that make me feel better than that.
    -Luke- likes this.
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 41: Overall I'm doing just fine:) Still enjoying my project and doing things I like. Something I feel like I should 'report' is that last night I was home alone and when I went to bed I decided it would be a good idea to look at some edgy stuff on my phone. Within a couple of minutes that moved to porn and I watched some one minute porn videos. Later on I did masturbate. I thought about resetting my counter, but decided against that because I don't think that will help me. I'm doing okay at the moment and I'm not worried that this will turn into a vicious cycle. This was just me being home alone and horny after a tough week. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't think it helps me if I turn it into something bigger than it is. If it does lead to other lewd action I will reset.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I want myself and those around to get the most out of life.

    Three good things:
    -The sessions with my therapist are going pretty well. We are still finding the best way to deal with my issues, but I think we are really getting to the core.
    -I went to a play with my girlfriend and her father this friday. It was about something that is part of their background, so it was quite important to them and it was really cool to learn a bit more about this background. And besides the play was really awesome!
    -The project I'm working on right now has gotten some media attention and apparently I was in the newspaper. Friday one of the volunteers at the project brought a paper for me so I could have it. That was really nice of him. He is this great guy that I have worked with before and it was just nice when someone makes an effort for you:)
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2020
    Pete McVries and mevsp like this.
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 48: Still going strong. Last weeks slip did affect me in the sense that I did have increased fantasies. Perhaps if I had more time on my hand that could have become problematic. Then again: if I really wanted porn in an addiction-like way I could have found an opportunity. Weeks like these make me wonder how people can even maintain a fulltime job AND a porn addiction:) Especially people living together with a partner. I don't know, between all the other things that need to be done I find it hard to find time for porn.
    For the rest things are going pretty well. Two months ago or so I wasn't really in the best spot, but working on my life and on the relationships that are important to me really is taking effect. Right now both me and my girlfriend are in a way better state (that's due to other things too, but still) and live has just become a whole lot better. Been to me new therapist four times now and that seems to go well to. We are really getting down to some of my core issues and it feels promising. One of the things I have been doing is something like 'three good things', but then with a bit of focus on what it says about me as a person. Three good things is more about learning to see that life offers a lot of positive things, while this new exercise is focussed on me actually having positive traits. While I have always been aware of those, they always had to compete with my stuttering and feeling not worthy because of that. Paying attention to positive traits in this way actually does seem to help how I feel about myself.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I can. That's it, right? We might not always see the options we have, but when you look at it closely there is a choice to make something out of our lives. And that's worth anything you put into that. You might not be making giant leaps, but every step (no matter how small) matters. I think that's what this is really about.

    Three good things:
    -I really want to switch to a different office at the company I'm working for right now. Some of the people I'm currently working with are from that office and they said that they (as well as some others) have already suggested to their manager to reel me in and that they will do so again. That was really cool! It's nice to hear that people appreciate you like and want you to be on their team:)
    -This morning I was looking out of the window and saw a wren in the hedge about a meter from me. That was awesome! Haven't seen one in my garden this year yet and they are pretty nice birds:)
    -This week my girlfriend had here birthday and besides some other stuff I bought her a new book about an artist we both really like. She was really happy with that and said it was one of the best gifts she ever had in her life. It was nice to see her happy like that:)
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 52: Had to work at home today and tomorrow. I was a bit worried about that, but I woke up fine, opened the curtains and started on my project. On the one hand I knew I could do that, but I need to built up some confidence again for these situations. It was a small victory that matters:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Because I want to live according to things I value and get most out of life. I have wasted too many hours of my life on porn and it hasn't brought me anything positive.

    Three good things:
    -Went to a really cool concert last night by Agnes Obel. She was one of my favorite comtemporary artists. She mixes folk and classical music into these really beautiful tiny songs:)
    -More and more plants are popping up in our garden. Muscari are already starting to bloom and several daffodils and tulips are getting buds. I bought some aquilegia rather late last year and was worried not all would survive, but only one seems to have vanished. So that's a nice score!
    -Finished The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett this week. I really like his City Watch series and this one was definitly one of the best in the series so far:)
    Gil79 likes this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 60: Still doing fine:) Will make a more eloborate post if I have more time this weekend.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Not having time is always a good sign here.
  14. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 69: doing fine overall. While my life hasn't changed that much at the moment (I don't have to work at home), the entire Covid-19 thing makes me restless. There are negative things happening, but also positive ones. Not sure yet how this will effect me/us in the near future. That uncertainty does bring on more stress than I like.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    Perhaps it are times like these when making a bit more effort makes all the difference. So that's what I'm trying to do:)

    Three good things:
    -The weather has been getting better which means more things are happening in the garden. Among other things that means me gardening:)
    -The Covid-19 brings a lot of uncertainty, but it also pushes me to make choices. I try to update my vegetable patch a bit so we get a bit more food and don't have to go to the supermarket that often. And another thing: going to my ecofriendly supermarket pays off. I've always liked it not being too crowded, but these days that's just sooooo much better than normal supermarkets.
    -Donated to a couple of charities and try to support my favorite local places. We have to do this together:)
  15. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    It's easy with this covid19 to start worrying about the future. But the worrying doesn't do anything good really, since the development is outside of our control - apart from engaging in social distancing.

    Which is why we have to try and be in the present, more than ever.
    Like you say - we have to do this together
    Living likes this.
  16. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    You are right of course. Even if get less work I will manage.
  17. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 77: Still making progress. I have some fantasies every now and then, but I can manage those. I will have to work from home or not work from home for I'm not sure how long. That might have been a huge red flag in the past, but my girlfriend is working from home too and I'm just not gonna PMO while she is here. That's something I don't do. Besides, despite a bit more stress and restlessness, I still put a lot of time and effort in things I value and that does make a huge difference. Might drop by here a bit more often though:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    Because the way I feel right now is so much better than how I feel when I give in to porn.

    Three good things:
    -The weather. Need I say more? Spring has arrived with a grand entrance:)
    -The last week or so I been spending more time in the garden. It's something I feel really good about and it just makes me happy. Since we want to limit our visits to the supermarket we thought about how we can get a bit more out of vegetable garden and planted a bit more vegetables. Since most of the things we have sown in our green house (or rather green closet) have to wait a bit before we can put them in the ground I have sown some mesclun and rocket. It might take a couple of weeks, but I can't wait until it comes up and we can have fresh lettuce. It will taste great with the batch of falafel I'm gonna make in a few minutes:)
    -I'm also trying out a 'new' recipe for ginger ale. It seems promissing thus far:)
  18. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 79: yesterday I thought about what happened on day 41 and how I handled that. There would have been a time where I would have said "Okay, this is a slip. I went to far and I should reset my counter." Instead I said "Okay, I should not have done this, but I should not make more out of this than it is and I need to keep my momentum going" and I think that really had a positive effect on me. Ofcourse I had some more urges the days after, but I quickly moved on on the positive path I was traveling. It made me realize that sometimes it is not about rules, but more about looking at every individual situation and taking the action that is most helpful.

    Three good things:
    -For the past few weeks I've been mainly doing meditations where the focus is on the 'blue sky that is always present behind the clouds' (it's a Headspace thing). This is something that really works for me. It's an incredible feeling when the constant movement in my head stops and you everything just becomes clear. It's almost unreal.
    -I posted something in @Gil79's journal about an elementary school teacher that really had an impact on me and that really made me happy. This was an everyday guy that just loved plants and animals (just like I do now) and was able to really spark my curiosity. I think at an age of 9 or 10 this is where I learned to understand the concept of science. Well, that is the basic fascination of being curious about something and wanting to find out more about it.
    -My first rocket is coming yes up: yay!
  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 85: I've noticed more fantasies in the morning. I guess that's a combination of general horniness and having become a bit restless. But it's not restlessness in a negative way perse. While the Covid-19 situation does affect my life in negative ways, it also brings out opportunities. For example: less projects for work means more time to seriously reconsider my career and actually do something about it. That is something I haven't really done yet over the last couple of months, because I have been a bit too busy lately. And besides that I finally seem to have time to work on one or two articles I wanted to write. Lol, that is, I thought I would have less time, but up til now the changes are marginal. I thought I would be out of work for a while from this week on, but new projects have also been coming up. We'll see how this goes:) Perhaps I should take some days off.

    It's also good to see how a lot of people on here experience the same thing. It would have been so easy to see this situation as something purely negative and use it as excuse for PMO, but I see quite a few members that seem to addept to the situation and get from it what they need:)

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -Life is just beautiful to waste it on things that make you bad.

    Three good things:
    -First of all: living in a proper welfare state. I know a lot of my country men and women love complaining about it, but we do have a solid social system that has huge advantages in times like these. Right now I still seem to have enough work, but knowing that when that runs out society will back me up financially is great thing. It gives some certainty in these times.
    -My general situation is good. Ofcourse sometimes I am worried too, but I have a nice appartment with an awesome garden. I have enough money to get by and don't need to worry that I will run out of it. The insects and butterflies start to come back alive and visit my garden and that's just so much fun to watch. The first lettuces are coming up and the courgette plants seem to settle. I have a lovely girlfriend and two cats that keep me company. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I guess I trust that I will be alright.
    -I've volunteered for a very cool project that tries to bridge the gap between people that want a greener world and farmers that might want the same thing, but are stuck because the system makes it hard to do so. Really looking forward to aid to that cause!
  20. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Day 87: it's just two days, but the fantasies have become less. It happens:) These are the tides of our existence.

    Reason why I am doing this:
    -I have said this before, but in 30 years I want to look back at my life and feel good about that. That's why I have to make positive changes:)

    Three good things:
    -Started on my first article based on my thesis. I'm a bit unsettled about it, but it is sometimes I really would like to do. Besides, my girlfriend is pushing me to write for one of the journals where she is an editor. It's nice she supports me like that:)
    -I saw a guy today who was going through the streets and picking up rubish. It's not like our streets are cluttered with waste, but it was really nice seeing someone making an effort.
    -Had my first session with my psychomotor-therapist. We will have to find a way to do these sessions through video-call (normally they are in a gym), but we'll manage:)

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