It still find it hard to see why I am currently doing very well. There is this part of me that definitly wants to watch porn, indulge in it even. To have this moment where I can totally let go and get that good feeling and then just move on again...or not. But there is also the part that absolutely will not have that. The part that understands that right now porn will not be part of my journey. At the moment I don't have any reason to believe that part of me can't easily go 200 days or even a year. The idea of never watching porn again is still kind of hard to grasp, but knowing that I can deal with it right now feels really good. But the thing is that I can't really pinpoint why things are going so well, even easy, right now. I could say that I finally decided that porn can't be part of my life, but then again, there have been times when I was more motivated and tried harder. That in itself makes me wonder if I should try harder. Perhaps this is a good time for me to get some things done. I don't know...sometimes this just feels weird. Three good things: -I've decided to make amends with one of my best friends with whom things kinda blew up two years ago. He can be rather difficult guy and two years ago things just got a bit out of hand and I was simply done with it. Since then we've seen each other a few times at parties, but we don't talk, which has become just plain awkward. And that's not just to us, but also to others. While I still value our friendship and will always be there for him if he needs it, I have accepted that we're not that close anymore. What I would like though is that we can casually talk to each other again at parties so things don't become awkward. I went to his house two times this weekend, but both times we wasn't there. Still, I'm happy that at least I came to this point. I have to see what comes out of it, but at least I know I've tried. -I'm going to try and get ready for a pretty cool 15 km run in november. Right now I can do a 12 km pretty easily, so it should be doable in two months. However I currently run in level train and this run is known for its hills (I live in the Netherlands, so it's all relative). But still, if the sports medical test this friday goes well, I'm definitly going to train for it and sign up. Having a goal like that is really motivating to me, so I'm already looking forward to that -I had a rather good weekend. Got some important things done, did a bit of exposure, had a nice time with my GF, slept well, reached out to some of my friends, did a 11 km run and went to a nice exhibition on Italian realism.