Fall Seven Times. Stand up Eight

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by J.P., Oct 26, 2012.

  1. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Bah, edged while groggy, porn fantasy crept in for a few seconds. I stayed up til 5 am to watch the GSL finals, which is the reason for my groggy and dumb actions in an attempt to wake up faster (or so my brain justified).

    Oh well, no bigs. No real P involvement other than in my head for a few seconds and I didn't O, so it's all good. Even if I did, not like I have ED.

    Well guys, I think it is time I take a huge break and decide whether to leave or not. I know so sad, but this place is really really hurting/holding me back. Everytime I come here it is 100% more hassle than anything else, and the people on here I am close with already have my contact info so I'm all set.

    It may come as a surprise to you guys that this is happening, but I have had a recent change of heart, and after having a short talk with Al not too long ago, I too see the things he is talking about, and it is an itch I cant scratch, and an overall mentality that seems to be unable to change.

    Idc what you'll say against this statement, but this is the reality coming from a man who has fought both opiate and porn addiction, and looking back at life and how I treat my opiate addiction, I feel these words apply here: This forum is turning into a cult, take it or leave it. I don't care if this post gets deleted, but I am going to pool some bad quotes that show the obviousness of it, and then some good ones that actually show reality outside this mindset.

    Here's the thing I am talking about, not that I don't agree with the comments on being sincere, honesty is a priority, but I will point out what I hate.

    DISCLAIMER: I am NOT by any means saying the users posted here are of the mindset I am talking about, but what I am saying is these quotes basically sum up what is happening overall here, remember, big picture guys.

    It is up to the person and no one else to define what they consider PMO, the process is too subjective. While I agree no O is the best way to recover, we are one again comparing apples to oranges when we compare stories and reboots, we are all different. To call a different method of rebooting "bastardization" is the same as a cult calling out a person as a heretic for not following the same ideals.

    Heresy: opinion or doctrine at variance with the orthodox or accepted doctrine

    Let us lol in unison at this comment.

    I hope people look past the person quoted and look at the issue, don't derail it for yourself, I probably won't be here to debate if you do. I know that my comparison of cult to heretic, and reboot to bastardization is pretty spot on. Like I said, I agree with being sincere about the process, if you made a bold line clear and indisputable violation of your own reboot, go ahead and reset or whatever.

    But I think Al put it best (and I am sad he deleted the post) that the whole "100 days good. 99 days? Baaaad" mindset is horseshit, I know UD removed the HoF (thank goodness) but it is NOT the thread that was the problem, it was the mindset being pushed on this forum and is still being pushed as the only dogma you should ever accept.

    In my experience, I have been treating my opiate addiction (which I am over 3 years clean from woohoo) not by counting days, I was more forgiving to myself, and it worked better. "Why didn't you do it here JP?" Well until recently I never really made the connection, I was so hooked on the 90-120 days mindset (YBOP) I became obsessed with the counter, and habit came of it, and it was an ok tool, but in the end, resetting the counter to 0 is actually more counter-productive than forgiving yourself for a small slip up. Now don't PMO or watch P and think its ok, but the brain has a way of saying "You just peeked/PMO'd, you're back on day 0, what's the difference?" People should try to escape this mindset, I am glad Modus ditched his counter when he rebooted. You see him struggling? Lol, no.

    For so long I thought of the two addictions as separate, and they are aside from mindset. I was using a new mindset for an addiction I thought was different, when, although different in substance and "scientifically" (quoted because there isn't much definitive concrete universal evidence) all addictions, from biting your nails, to shooting dope, have, or should have, similar psychological approaches.

    More horseshit here: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=3078.msg159271#msg159271 Read the OP then my shortcut.

    Here's some pragmatic reality for you:

    No one other than Aussie actually responded to this statement, which intrigued me, I delved further, mostly out of curiosity to see what I would get, and decided to add on my own two cents. Then UD had to come along and muck it up with a quote that he pulled that I said from his journal, the comparison between watching a full vid for 10 seconds or catching a pic for maybe half that, or the difference between 10 seconds and 30 seconds of viewing are all ludicrous things to compare, there is no comparison, they are all very different in intensity and effect.

    Aside from that, for all anyone knows I have changed my opinion since then, why should anyone cast the first stone? No offense intended, but UD of all people has contradicted himself on multiple fronts, so have I, people change perspectives depending on experience, it happens, but why try to call bullshit on it if you don't know the full story or are yourself just as guilty?

    Don't get me wrong, giving in to P is a bad idea, but let's be honest here, there is no evidence a small exposure or even a whole orgasm will hold back your recovery much. Want some more of what I am trying to say? Here's some truth from one of our sloppiest rebooters (No offense ♥)

    I underline the most relevant parts.

    I too have been sloppy as fuck.

    Maybe my current reboot is pretty smooth, I had only 2 incidences where I saw P for a cumulative total of maybe, at the very worst, 10 seconds. I got hard even after my December binge not too long ago from Brittnie merely touching my leg. Back in the day, I couldn't get hard if she was on a stripper pole naked, point being, sometimes being a little too adamant on "Day X" is self-defeating.

    STOP getting so hung up on days and counters, being hard on yourself actually makes it worse, but being more forgiving (not this Monk Mode crap) and just taking it easy and relaxing is way better, and I guarantee it is more effective in the long run, you learn to live, instead of run.

    Just to recap, dismissing erotic thoughts as much as you can and avoiding O is a better approach for ED, but in all honesty, getting hung up too much on this counter this and day x that etc etc, really ends up backfiring more than often.

    In conclusion, thank you UD, you made the forum and it has allowed me to come to this part of my life with less delay than if you did not make it, I would like to thank all my other boys on YBR (you know who you are) for being my buds, we will keep in touch if this "vacation" becomes permanent.

    Good luck to all of you and may you all lead happy and fulfilling lives. If I come back it will be without counters, It'll be just another guy behind his laptop just chiming in kind words, nothing more, nothing less.
     
  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    The only reason I pulled out that quote on you is because you accused me of having a cultish mindset, when not less than a month ago you were considering resetting your counter for accidentally stumbling upon pictures a troll posted on the forum.

    The thing you seem to be missing is that I'm not being hard on myself when I actually peek or reset my counter. I don't beat myself up or freak out.

    Counters are great for accountability and gaining momentum. Once you're past a certain number of days they kinda become useless, but in the beginning they are a must.

    Good luck abstaining from porn while being single and completely unaccountable to anyone.

    Your mindset has as many flaws as other mindsets.

    "Let's just slip this one time, after all nobody is going to notice I relapsed, and I have no girlfriend prospects at the moment"
     
  3. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Due to popular demand and the let's say, emergency status of some kids here, I'm back for a brief period.

    There's gon' be some shit.

    FYI, I am not the guy you knew, so don't assume shit.

    Get. Fucking. Ready.
     
  4. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    YESSSSSS!!!!!
     
  5. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

  6. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Advice for the day: Quit your bitchin'

    How: Find something useful to do. Stop self-pitying. Most of all, get away from your laptop if all you're gonna do is use it for stupid shit. Stupid shit includes but it is not limited to: surfing mindlessly, jacking it to shit on the internet, complaining (please stop, I went through that episode and I'm glad its been over for many moons), and basically being a little prick to tohers or yourself while behind a keyboard.
     
  7. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Hows things with the ladies? Did you go okay with college courses?
     
  8. I am sad

    I am sad New Member

    J.p., welcome back. I'm glad you're here again, and I'm not. I wish everyone in these boards were free of this.
     
  9. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    I am free :D

    I'm here to help others!

    Ladies onyl want the excitement of me, never wanna be my gf :/ oh well.

    College is going decently. Mid terms are approaching, let's cross our fingers!
     
  10. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Anyone looking for the truth about this whole no O thing, look no further.

    In a few weeks time I will formulate a scientifically backed report based on real studies and not website links to testimonials from random people.

    When making a claim that something is fact that isn't already common sense, please cite a clinical trial to convince me.

    Disclaimer: The approach to PIED is still best done as no O, anything in masturbation does NOT apply to PIED or porn addicts.

    Also I recommend reading The Junk Science Self Defense Manual by Anthony Colpo.

    A notable quote from author Steve Milloy, "Today, the Junksters believe that statistics are science, and statistical correlations represent cause-and-effect relationships, wrong again."
     
  11. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Advice for the day: Do not dread new things. It is not what we are doing/approaching that matters. It is how we execute it. See things from a more realistic perspective, rather than a pessimistic one.

    Example: When we try new foods, instead of thinking about how it could potentially taste bad, or it is too hot, will people think I'm weird or too sensitive etc. we would instead think of how delicious it could be, how it could be a new favorite on the menu, and that it is worth a shot. The two are both an approach to trying something new, one of them is however, more likely to ease you into doing it. Even coming into it with a positive mindset will help your mind in tasting the finer qualities of the food. The take away? Most of the challenge is upstairs my friends.
     
  12. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Awesome observation of the day: Chili cheese dogs are fucking amazing

    That is all.
     
  13. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    A married customer came in and I overheard his conversation with a few others. He is having a son and is quite excited, he was looking for a gift for his wife.

    Beautiful thing.

    We can all have that happiness, we just have to take care of ourselves and start looking.
     
  14. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    JP getting all warm and fuzzy on us...
     
  15. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Plot twist: he bought her a vacuum cleaner.
     
  16. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Don't get used to it.
     
  17. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Heard something great last night.

    When Dustin Pedroia was asked about his teammates after winning the world series, he said one thing that really stuck out, "We all care about each other a lot." The team acted like a family of brothers all season.

    Treat other rebooters like a brother, a huge key to success is caring about one another. The Red Sox are proof of that for sure.
     
  18. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Aww, J.P. is going all fuzzy on us! POST KITTENS
    [​IMG]

    Just messing with you, brother!
     
  19. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Hey!

    LOL, don't take it for granted, I have my moments, you better treasure them.
     
  20. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    THIS JOURNAL NEEDS MORE KITTENS!

    [​IMG]
     

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