Fall Seven Times. Stand up Eight

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by J.P., Oct 26, 2012.

  1. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    I was having fucked up, porn related dreams a few months ago. They have since gone away completely. I think peeking, accidentally or on purpose, can cause them. I was doing a lot of that at the time.

    Porn dreams seem to be a natural part of the rewiring process. It's like our brains are asking "hey, where is the porn?". Besides the chaser affect, which is very temporary, they are pretty harmless.
  2. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Jp, how did it go with the university course enrollment?
  3. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    That's just the thing though, most of my day is spent thinking about things except the reboot. I don't think about it unless I come here, otherwise it is something I am not even really aware of.
  4. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    You've done a great job with your reboot man, that's something really noteable. I share your sentiment that a good reboot is one that you don't even acknowledge but I think that achieving a mental state of that nature does requires a type of intellectual freedom, and even spatial freedom to have.

    If you can preoccupy yourself with more relevant things, especially more urgent activities, then it may be very easy to forget about the reboot consciously but at the same time not succumbing to any urges..this is the goal that i've been setting out for all of my new reboots because once I get to this point, then you are ready for a big run.
  5. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    How you been JP?
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    You should update this journal more often, you lazy ass.
  7. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Shitty. Sliced open a couple fingers on my right hand, the index finger has an incredibly deep gash, almost to the bone, but the skin hung on and it coagulated before I could get stitches, so I have to wait for it to seal on its' own, which could take days on 0 activity from that finger, and seeing as how I'm right handed, and the index finger is needed for almost everything, I am basically without a hand, I am very depressed.

    My activities are now limited, no gym for at least a week or 2 lest I risk too much blood flow and pop it open :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

    I also cant go hiking, and Brittnie recently ate something she was allergic to, so even if I found something we both could do with my injury, she is still healing from her experience.

    So to put it bluntly, I am home alone, with hardly the ability to drive after the damn claws I own fell on my hand. Fuck.

    Oh well, this too shall pass, and when I am healed up I will appreciate having a hand even more than before, which is rewarding to feel. I just need to drudge through the depression for now.

    I love you man lol
  8. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Look on the bright side, at least that's taken away the chance of you masturbating.
  9. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Sorry to hear about that, Jp. Get well soon and yeah, take the opportunity to pile up more days on the no MO column.
  10. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Sounds like a semi gruesome injury, make sure you take the appropriate time out for it to heal. The biggest problem with people with injuries is coming back too early, trust me I once belonged in that category. Take your time and Get better buddy.

  11. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Well my left hand can still do it, and now I need help.

    I almost gave in, peeked for a split second, did a porn search, clicked the link, and immediately regretted it as I clicked. I closed my eyes and freaked out, closed the laptop, upon reopening it I shut it down and restarted.

    It maybe amounted to 2-3 seconds, but it still wasn't right that I deliberately typed in something explicit and went to click on the link. Even worse, it was a vid that started out on a bj (ugh fml), but like I said, maybe 2 seconds, I was too upset at myself to make excuses and let me get away with it.

    I will forgive myself for this, it was incredibly short, the dopamine rush lasted maybe 30 seconds after, and I did control myself, as well as dealing with the depression of not being able to even write with my right hand. I am sure the depression about this hand definitely has not helped.

    I will do my best not to peek again, I honestly think I will feel better tomorrow, today has just been a dreary and depressing day.

    Sorry I let you down today guys. I suck.
  12. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    It's all right buddy, you were tempted but didn't fall. I find it even more commendable that you didn't delve further but stopped yourself in your tracks. Be glad about that, however, since you peeked there may still be a possibility of stronger urges rushing in, be aware of that and try to be more disciplined in the wee hours.

    Don't worry about it buddy. You still got it.
  13. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Nope. Not even remotely true. You are awesome. It's porn that sucks.

    Your addicted lizard-brain has the taste of blood now, and it's going to run you through the wringer. It'll probably try to tell you you might as well watch porn because you've blown all your progress, or some other bullshit.

    You know what's right. Getting back to business as usual is right. You've come this far because you're strong. Keep being strong.

    Resist! and grow stronger still.
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    For what is worth it, I too peeked a bit today. Sucks to realize that my brain is still as twisted as it was at day 1.
  15. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Nah it isn't as twisted, not for me.

    I was looking up girls that I actually am attracted to, not the load of shit I was looking at before.

    And as I said, it was literally 2-3 seconds tops, I am not going to fret over it, it doesn't even constitute as much of a peek really. Some people peek for minutes, mine would have to be measured with an NBA stopwatch.
  16. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    I can't believe you peeked for such a loooooong period of time. Have you ever considered getting a chastity belt? Maybe that will help.
  17. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    You might also want to remove your eyes. You can always buy a guide dog.
  18. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    LMFAO you guys are crazy.

    Nope, I like my dick and my eyes, I think I will keep them.

    Left the laptop off today, then went to work. Gonna take a couple days off it I think, just to cool off and get level again.

    I need to fix my sleeping and eating habits again, they're falling off a bit, I also need at least 10 days for this wound to have a decent seal, then I can do light cardio again at least.

    Also wondering on where I can get skullcap, I need to be more relaxed around bedtime, I have too much energy, any point in the right direction is appreciated.
  19. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Vitamin Shoppe should have it.
  20. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    St Johns wort should also do the trick :)

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