Re: A new path to happiness I find fantasy to be very dangerous, and not just because it leads you back to porn. You can turn off your computer, but you have to live with your brain, and I find it difficult to avoid fantasising when I'm bored or at when I'm in bed. I think it's very important for a successful reboot, though. I believe that fantasising can be just as toxic as viewing porn, you're getting the same spurt of dopamine, after all. Keep up the good work, it gets easier.
Re: A new path to happiness Today - day 15 no porn....Day 4 no MO. The MO, even without the porn, has set me back. 4 orgasms in the last 15 days. Normally it would have been about 30 - 40 O's in 15 days, so this is a positive change. I'm really not missing the porn at all right now. I'm feeling good about my future for the first time in a long time. For me the secret is to go into every day with a plan. I'm not "winging it" here. I've kinda learned where my triggers are, and created a plan to counteract them. Hopefully this continues to work. I know that I'll be tempted in the morning when I wake up, so I have a plan to jump out of bed and into the shower. I know the temptation will come in the evening, so I plan ahead for how I'm going to react to it. I think my reboot is going to take considerable time, as I'm still not experiencing a change in libido, increased confidence with the ladies, or morning wood, or anything like that.
Changed the Title of my journal for no particular reason at all. Today is day 16 with no porn. Nothing new to report. I Caught a MILF checking me out while checking into a hotel today. Here are a few of the idiotic things I've done in the past. I've visited most of the strip clubs in the Los Angeles area over the years. I jerked off once at 1 am in my pickup while driving home from said strip club at 70mph on Interstate 10. That's right, I've jacked off while driving. I have taken solo trips to Vegas and ended up fapping 4 times a day, and ended up with such low confidence that I was too scared to sit at a blackjack table and play cards. How pathetic.
No porn 18 days now. No MO for exactly 1 week. I feel like I'm more pleasant to be around. My parents and I are neighbors in the same condo complex. We live about 250 feet from each other. Needless to say, when I was jacking off to porn 3 times a day I was avoiding them like the plague. Since I started this reboot I have been spending more time with them, which can be boring, but at least it keeps me from trouble. This coming weekend should be a challenge.
Day zero today. Relapsed with PMO today. Got pretty drunk last night, and felt hungover all day. It started with MO only, but then I chased it with mobile porn. I'm not sure what the hell was going through my head today, but I binged hard. I'm feeling drained of energy right now. This is just one bad day. Tomorrow begins another opportunity to get my shit straightened out.
Keep going. It looks as if you know what you are doing. I've read your journal and I think you can make because.......you WANT to! Good luck
Thanks for the encouragement guys. I need it. It might sound like I know what I'm doing, but I'm feeling totally lost right now. This was a bad weekend as far as PMO goes. My plan was to workout hard over the weekend. But I ended up getting hammered on Fri night and relapsing on Sat with a marathon porn session. Once I masturbated It was easy to say "fuck it" and go PMO.
Hi Ben, I know what that means and how bad it feels. Maybe this will help you: for me an addiction can't be stopped only by willpower. For me, personally, it's even right to quit at the right moment. And this moment is hard to find. Because it's not the moment that you think is the right one. When i quit smoking 8 years ago I had several tries and was always relapsing. Now that I've quit smoking I can't even remember when it was. It just ended. And I think with porn it's the same: There'll be the day when you finally get rid of the shit. I'm shure. If you want to you can do this! Sorry for the pathetic sound of the post. At least I'm going trough the reboot myself right now. And for me it's really harder then quiting smoking. So if you fall, just stand up and walk on....I wish you the very best for the next steps!
Update. Last relapse was Friday 4/20. Today is day 4 of no PMO. I'm feeling more and more confident. Since I started this reboot on March 26th I have had 3 days where I have viewed porn, and lots of it. I think I can abstain longer than ever this time.
