I'm a young man, shameful to say, in a long distance relationship and deeply ashamed of this addiction, I have been watching porn since 12 years old, I have never really felt guilty for it, I thought of it as a ''wow...gotta try this again'' feeling as soon as I got my first orgasm. It was a thing of my own.....I have never ever since I got my first orgasm(13) not orgasmed for longer than 7 days(my first reboot attempt was the first time I had abstained for ''that long'', it was a few weeks ago). When I see the stories on here and on YBOP.com, I find them simply unbelievable, since I've relapsed just a couple of days ago after being triggered cause of a .gif image on Tumblr. I have started my new reboot since the beginning of March. I know this is anonymous, but when it comes to being in a long distance relationship and doing this...I have never felt like less of a man...am I the only one? Cause I'm not like this, I am blessed with the most beautiful woman in the world, in the world, ever...but ever since the first time I fell into this old habit(I really didn't even realize till after what I done) I felt like I've cheated...have I cheated? It has been a continuous habit I have had with myself since 12 years old...I feel like I have a secret to her now and I feel like I'm not honest to her and like I should say, but so afraid, This whole thing has made me so unstable and it has caused the relationship to become unstable cause of me, cause of my guilt and ''bad consciousness''. I'm in deep misery and I'm on day 3 now, I can't afford falling back into self-guilt and self-destruct, I'm an honest person at heart and I can't lie to the people I love I feel like I'm betraying the one I love and I hate myself because of it. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong till the first time I did it after it was long distance again a week after we were apart...and after realizing what I did and writing 2 papers of apologies and sorry to her to put it on paper...I found out how hard it was to stop, and it is like someone on YBOP.com once said, one of the hardest things to do. I never knew that what I did was wrong, but then again I've never been in a relationship before that(cause of the porn?) and had to find out what's wrong to do by committing the act...I feel not in control of myself and I don't know how to handle this. I feel like men that cheat...and I'm really really not like that...and it's the worst thing ever cause it makes me someone I not cause of the guilt and ''bad conscious''. Any thoughts? I'm not that person! I am on day 3 now, a few hours ago I came on a porn page, my mind cheated itself, it went from ''just check that, get it away and move on'' to looking and looking for 4 minutes. Haven't touched, didn't get hard, just aroused cause of the old feelings I guess, but clicked it away. I feel like men that cheat, I feel like a player which I'm not, I feel like I'm not serious, It even makes me kick away my woman simply because I hate myself because of it... In need of support, got no one else to talk to when it comes about this...am I the person I think I am??? I think of myself as worthless and not deserving my other one, I feel like a cheater or like other men who have, I feel weak.