Hi Guys, I finally decided to post my own journal, it's the first time i post on a message board. Thats new to me, but i thought if i write my own journal it will help on my road to become a man. Here a some information about my background: I am 18 years old and i live in germany, so my english isn't always correct. Anyways i think i started M with the age of 13 or so. Later with 15 i got involved with Porn, then a while later i had my own Pc so i started to watch Porn regular. I think in the last 1 to 2 years i PMOd 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes more especially when i was bored. I lost my virginity a month ago and had a relationship with that girl for 2weeks. That i was a virgin till, 18 bugged me till i was 16, but i didn't do anything real about it. Also my problem was and still is, is talking with girls. I stopped PMO 6 weeks ago, because i had my first kickboxing fight, which is one of my main hobbys. I stopped PMO 8days before the fight, becouse i read that it increases the Testosterone level. Then 2 Days after the fight i lost my virginity (was one of the best weekends in my life) so i didn't PM for 2 weeks, till she broke up with me. Then i falled back into my old pattern for some days, till i watched a TED video about PMO in another message board. This introduced me to this site and YBOP and i decided to stop PMO for atleast 3 month. Here are some goals i want to archive. -get a girlfriend -get more socialy, especially with girls -better marks in school -an interesting live -try to focus on learning for school, i really can't focus a long time at home (max 15min), then i get distracted. Has Anyone some good advice? I am on day 12 or so, dont now the exact date. All in all i already see some improvements. I've got a lot more energy now and need much less sleep. Also i get spontaneous bones now and then if i think about girls and sex. Another point is that i am very horny, always checking out girls at school and other places. I really want a girlfriend right now, but i want to stay single at least 30days(to see some more impruvements) till i will approach some girls. Thats another Problem i have: approach anxiety, hope that goes away soon. Thats all for today Feel free to ask,criticize or comment on anything you want. Durden
Hi Durden, I'm new too. I used to get this a lot. Persistence was the only thing that truly helped - being aware every time my focus slipped (pinch yourself if you think that'll help ). If it's a written assignment, try to write it somewhere other than your room/lounge/typical fun environment. I recently wrote a 17,000 word study, and I only succeeded because I took my laptop downstairs to the kitchen and kept it there. If it's the internet that distracts you, turn it off! It's much more conspicuous if you get up and walk around when you should be studying. Another thing -not my own experience- is the pomodoro technique. Get a cooking timer and set it for c20 minutes. Study for 20 mins, and when it rings take a 5 minute break. Keep repeating. Hope it helps. Good luck! Beefheart
Hi folks, Thanks Beefheart for you advice going to try that out,when i have to learn. Day 13 Feeling very good the whole day. Had morning wood today, and the days before. ED is luckily not my problem. Had a big test today and yesterday at school, was very focused all the time. Also i am much more aware of my environment and music makes much more fun to listen,wanna dance all the time. Going to play poker at the evening tonight with some freinds, really looking forward to this. Thats all for now. Durden
Ich wunsche dich viel erfolg !!! Wir sind in die selbe boot! Entschuldigung fur mein schlechte Deutsch, ich bin anfanger !!! Alright man, welcome to our bruderschaft, you'll find here lots of valueble material, this is the right path you have chosen! Reboot! Reboot and once again Reboot !!! Alle gute mein Freund !!
Day 16, had a wet dream 2hours before, was dreaming or fantasizing, about a real girl at first, then sadly about some porn actresses. I thought i stopped right before i cum by waking up and moving. But when i was in the bathroom i saw the mess in my pants, it wasnt a very bigh loud, because i think i halway stopped it. So anyway beside that i feeling very good today and the days before. I am not that horny like few days ago and i have no interest in watching porn, i am very confident that i can going 90days straight without PMO. Another point is that it is easier to talk to other peoples i dont know. I talk much more and the conversation fllows more. Looking really forward to watch football today in an arena, hope i get in touch with some new people. Posting back tomorow, Greetings Durden
I think you are doing great. You have set yourself some valuable goals and you have a great attitude. Resist porn, focus on being social, keep motivated and I am sure you are facing an interesting life with many girls you will get to know. You are still young and now it is the best time to define what kind of man you want to become. Stay strong!
@Cocoon thanks man, really appreciate you comment. Day 17 I have a little flatline right now, no urges and no spontaneous boners in the last 2 days. I think its becouse the wet dream i had yesterday. I really like to talk to people in last time, i am much more interested in what storys they have to tell. Feeling ok the whole day, even i spent most of the day in front of the PC, man i really hate sundays. Hope i get a job and girlfriend in 1month when the holidays begins. I find i very hard to find somthing to do alone, other than spendig time on the PC. Have you guys some suggestions? Durden
Day 22 I am really angry right now and drunk too, but i need to write this down right now. Like I said i am really pissed about myself. Went to a party 5hours before and it really sucks. I only spoke to some of my male friends, no interaction with females. Thats what bugs me the most, i got some looks from two girls, one was definetly attracted and was dancing and looking near me all the time, but i looked at her like a numb fuck. I am really disatpointed when i dont make my moves and i regret it afterwards always. Happend 3 days ago with another girl at the bus stationtoo. Then 15minutes ago when i walked home alone, i remembered a pic i saw on the internet yesterday. It was about the angry wolf meme, where he said: nobody got anything done by beeing a pussy. That thought made me really pissed and also disappointed about myself. I will try to remember the pic, when i need to push myself. Going to sleep now, give me some feedback, i really need to change myself. Durdeb
Just don't beat yourself up over it, you're not the only one, there are lots of guys around here with the same problem, remember though, once you've done it, it's gonna be easier the next time, even if you get rejected, rejection is the doorway to success, you have to go through some hard shit first, being afraid to step ahead and talk to a girl, it's fear, but you got nothing to lose. I suggest you go further through your reboot first and try again, build your confidence up, acknowledge you're doing good, it's been 22 days man, that's something to be proud of! Shit, to imagine how many other guys are jerking off to porn, probably guys you know as well but don't even say it. Just don't beat yourself up over it, you're gonna get to that point where you're gonna be that turned on and full of testosterone and confidence that you'll have no other choice than to talk to the girl...trust me.
Hi, durden! I am on my day 9, 46 years old, english is not my language too (not german). I am reading your journal and I admire you for yiur courage and honesty with yourself. Great! You are doing a very good job. Try to be more gentle with yourself. About the girls I feel you should go and try. If a girls are feeling atraction to you, its time to go! My opinion is that real sex with a real girl is going to help you on your healing process. I dont think yiu should wait 90 days for real sex. If you have the opportunity, go on, man! And do it very carefuly, enjoy the REAL GIRL and do REAL sex. Courage and good luck!
You are doing great my friend, girls looking at you, that's a good thing! Don't miss the chance to have sex when you get it! Realize that it'll be the only way you'll get off, because PMO is a waste of time and vital life energy. And don't beat yourself up about relapses. I learned not to. All the best. 8)
Thank your answers really appreciate that, and it motivates to change myself faster. Its just like i feel i dont live up to my potential, will try to approach a girl, when i have a boner, of course hidden, i think that could work. Day 23 After spending the whole day on the computer i decided to delete all unnecessary stuff i have on my harddrives, like games videos and other stuff where i am sure i will never look up again. Thats feels really good, going to do that tomorrow too with the rest. Think some interesting days will come, because i will have nothing to do then. I will reduce my computertime, to develop some new interests. Wanted to Masturbate today, i was so bored but i stayed strong and dont want to start at day 0. Hope the flatline will be over soon. See you tomorrow Durden
I need to write this down, it may has nothing to do with PMO, but i see this journal like my diary or so. Anyways minutes ago, me and my family had a fight abouts some unnecessary bulshit. We wanted to go to my aunt, she is celberating her birthay. My father was angry the whole day, because he fixed somthing at the house for hours, and that didnt worked well. Everyone was arguing, when we wanted to go, especially my mom and dad. So dad was angry, because the whole day wasn't good for him, so he was upset about anything. I really think my dad is a pussy, he is not the man in the house, its my mum, and that really bugs him. My mom always wanted to go things her way and wanted to tell everone what to do, everyone in the family hates that. All in all no one really talks much, everyone keeps it for himself. I also think my parents want to divorce, but they dont because of me and my sister, my older brother already moved out. Anyways in the car my dad was really angry, for me turning the music up, i was drove the car before that. So i decided to go home i dont want to argue about this bulshit. Its ended up that we all went home, which is stupid IMO, they could go without me. Now my mom and dad decided to go to my aunt, since they said yes to the invitation, me and my sister werent part ot that, but we wanted to go too. Now i am sitting here and writing this, i dont know really what to do, maybe i watch some movies or i going to a bar and drink, but i think thats not a good idea right now.
Hmm...family bullshit, I understand bro... Don't let it get to u too much, you're your own man, it's fucked up to live in a negative environment when you have parents who don't really wanna be together, I personally think parents should never just break up which happens a lot these days, I don't think that's good for the kids. So I respect your parents for that, but I feel it's fucked up to be around that, why not get your mind off and go out?
Day 25 Feeling good, got 2 exams back A- and C. i am really happy about the A-, its been a long time since i wrote these grades, wrote them 2weeks ago, still in the days where i stopped PMO. The C is a okay grade but its still disappoints me a little bit. I know i can do much better. Feeling really motivated to wirte better exams, but this schoolyear is over soon, hope i get that motivation next year, in my final year. Now i really see which damage PMO did to me, not only socially even in school. I didnt really cared about notes like C's and D's or worse. But thats over now, waiting for my other exams hope they good too, even i didn't really learned for all these exams.
Day 31 Wow one month witout PMO now, still flatlining, i have absolutly no desire to watch Porn, i will never watch Porn again its not worth it. My balls got bigger and last time in the shower i had a tremendous boner, my dick looked more alive. Still no wetdreams, i expect them in the next couple days. So still no chances of getting a gf soon. But i am really relaced in conversations and i speak more in groups. 2Days ago i had a honest conversation with a friend about all this, i told him about this site and YBOP and all the benefits of stopping PMO. I think that will help him, too. Hope he can pull through this. I am very motivated to go outside all the time, but all my friends are staying at home, especially in the afternoon on workdays. I have kickboxing 3times in the week, but other than that i stay at home most of the time, which is kinda depressing sometimes. Some days i play basketball with friends, but the weather sucks right now. So i spend most of the day in front of the PC, still playing no computer games, deleted them, which was a good decision, some friends always asked to play again and ask whats up with me. Started to read again, but my weekdays are really boring at the moment. Looking forward to next weekend, going to Prag with my schoolclass. And then i go to Amsterdam to Sensastion White, and we gonna stay there for some days. So thats all for now Durden
Day 37 In the last days nothing special happened. Went out thursday and friday, one thing is that i am very relaxed in conversations and i can remember more details from the conversations. One thing that annoys me is when i drink alcohol, most of the time i get a hangover the next day, even if i drink a couple of beers. Its like i am unable to hold alcohol. That wasnt the problem month ago. My dreams are much more realisic and sometimes i dont even know if its a dream or really happened. Do you guys have similar experiences? Durden
Congrats on making much progress towards your re-boot. I think the alcohol tolerance is not a big issue and probably not related to re-boot. this is a simple solution. Drink less until the re-boot is complete! Be careful when on travel this week. travel can be stressful and lead to relapse. good luck and stay strong!
Thanks for your comment. Its going to be hard to drink less than i used to drink month ago, because i going to Prag tomorrow with my schoolclass. So the evenings going to be long and the beer is cheap there. Anyways its hard to relapse there, because i am always with others, and most of the time we have cultural program. But i stay disciplined over the vacations and afterwards too. I kinda like challenging myself, and if you think about it we all did things which were much more difficult than touching your dick infront the computer filled with porn. I will report after my trip, hopefully some interesting things will happen so i can write some more in my journal. Greetings to everbody and stay strong brothers. Durden
