Everything you ever wanted lives on the other side of fear.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Dr. Jekyll, Nov 20, 2022.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It is interesting that you specifically say that you have porn cravings. For me, the cravings for porn typically disappear after a couple of weeks, and the cravings turn more into cravings for sexual fantasy. that is also always how a relapse to porn starts for me: first fantasies and ogling, then porn subs and then porn. Nonetheless, I hope your cravings have disappeared by now.

    It doesnt feel unlogical to me that the cravings come after a night out drinking, socializing and reduced sleep. You could avoid it, especially if you don't get much pleasure out of it anyway, or prepare yourself for it next time. Just being aware that urges may come in a specific situation can help to reduce theur power, especially if you have script with alternative activities ready.
  2. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Yesterday I had sex cravings as well (if I were with a girl, I would have definitely f her) but for first time since long time I felt a desire to masturbate again.

    At the end, I was able to resist the temptation and today I feel much better.
    Gil79 likes this.
  3. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Today I met again the girl with whom I had the condom incident. She told me she feels much better than last week but we will probably stop seeing each other.

    She got very scared last time. This bad experience made her realize she is still very attached to her ex-bf (5-years relationship). She is the one who broke up from him but I guess she still has feelings for him. She is not sure if going out with me is the right choice in this moment. It hurts a bit.

    From the other side, she also told me that she spent good time with me (if we exclude the condom incident). I guess if I really wanted to push her, I could have convinced her to keep seeing me, but I didn't think it would be the right choice, especially if I want to take care of mysef. I guess I will keep going on with my life and, if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me.
    Gil79 likes this.
  4. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Today marks 60 days since the last time I watched porn and masturbated. This is my longest streak ever :). Before this time, I had few streaks above 1 month but I never lasted 2 months.

    These 2 months have been quite a rollercoaster ride, a lot of ups and downs, but my life has improved.

    Summary of these 2 months:
    • I have dated for one month an old schoolmate of mine. we had sex 3 times. Unfortunately, the last time we had sex together, the condom broke apart, but I only realized it when I came inside her. She got scared about this incident and our relationship is 95% over.
    • I have been also going out with a friend from the gym. Initially, I wasn't sure what there was between us. I liked her but I didn't know what she wanted from me. Just before Christmas, she literally kissed me without me advancing the move and unexpectedly gave me a gift. I want to see her again once she comes back from her hometown trip.
    • I also made out with a girl in club once, but I never saw her again.
    • My morning erections have improved. I don't have them every day but still my D is not completely dead. Whenever I kissed a girl, I could feel my mojo turning on. Once I had an erection at the gym for 5 minutes straight while I was joking with my gym friend.
    • My PBs at the gym have improved as well. I am still pretty weak, but this is where I am at now: 90kg back squat, 75kg clean, 70kg jerk, 55kg snatch at 70kg of bodyweight.
    • I learned to do muscle-ups and double-unders.
    • I have been trying to transition my career into data analyst. I have studied Python, SQL and Tableau a lot in the last weeks.
    • I went to ski with some friends for a weekend.
    • I feel less social anxiety when I interact with people, especially girls, but I still have a long way to go.
    • My mood has been stabler and I felt less depressed.
    • The urges to watch porn in the first 2/3 weeks were extraordinarily strong, but then, porn cravings became much more controllable or inexistent. Only if I had a bad mood, I could feel the temptation.
    I have hopes that we can succeed in this journey.
    Cheers, guys!
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2022
    Saville, Gil79 and StarWarsFan like this.
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the great streak. Strength to you
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    That is awesome. I am looking forward to see how your life will be after another 60 days of recovery!
  7. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Last night I went out with my gym friend again. Time together was good and, after few drinks at some pubs, we ended up at her place.
    Before going to her place, I was worried because my mojo was not really responding, but once we were at her place, with few kisses and touches, my body was on.
    We basically had sex all night long.
    I really liked the night and I think she did it as well.

    Cheers, guys. Happy New Year!!!
    Gil79, StarWarsFan and tarconi_union like this.
  8. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    My New Year's Resolutions

    In 2023, I want to:
    • Find a new job as Data Analyst where I can apply my Python, SQL and machine learning knowledge.
    • Rent/Buy a new apartment.
    • Buy a new car.
    • Build a lasting relationship with a partner who likes me and whom I like.
    • Spend more time cuddling.
    • Be clean from porn and masturbation for the whole year.
    • Travel more, especially if I can share the experiences with my partner.
    • Have a stable sleep routine.
    • Keep working out daily.
    • Drink more water and less alcohol.
    • Eat healthier.
    • Make my bed every morning.
    • Build better relationships with my relatives and friends.
    • Limit as much as possible the time spent watching TV and videos, playing videogames and using social networks.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2023
    tarconi_union and Gil79 like this.
  9. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    The 90-days mark is getting closer. I haven't watched porn nor masturbated since the end of October. Next Thursday (the 26th) I will turn 31.

    Life has been pretty busy recently. I have been trying to abide by my New Year's Resolutions.

    Everything seems to go towards the right direction. Finding a new job is what is taking longer but I knew it from the beginning and I have been spending a lot of time learning and studying during these weeks. I think by the end of this month I should be ready to switch.

    I am still dating my gym friend. We went out and slept together few times in the last 3 weeks. I always have good time when I am with her and she seems much into me. Sex has been quiet good as well. Sometimes I lose erection if the intercourse lasts very long or if we have multiple sessions during the same night but, with her help, I get back in business pretty quick.

    My morning woods still remain uncommon. I think I just have them once or twice per week, but I don't really care much. If I am able to perform whenever it's needed, that's more than enough.

    Something to point out, but I am not really sure if it is true, is that my flaccid penis in the last weeks looks bigger than in the past.
    tarconi_union and AbyssDive like this.
  10. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Today is a special day for me
    Not only because I turned 31,
    But also because I finally reached the 90-days count after years of trying.

    It looks like my life is taking a turn for the better. Every aspect of my life is improving and I feel more alive than ever.

    Have a good day!
  11. iceclimb29

    iceclimb29 Member

    Happy Birthday and congratulations on your milestone! Keep up the good work!
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Awesome @Dr. Jekyll! Congrats!!
  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    That's awesome!
  14. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Since January my morning woods have been very rare. In the first two months of the current streak (November - December), I saw general improvements with morning woods, but as I started having sex again, my morning woods basically disappeared. I feel like sex brought me back into flatline.

    In addition, I noticed that having two orgasms per night becomes very difficult for me. In fact, I always have problems to get my second erection and, if I do, the second erection is always weak and short-lived.

    I don't like to have these worries.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It seems quite logical to me that when you add sex to the equation that there might be a little dip in your morning wood and erections. The process of rewiring just takes a lot of time. It think that you should not compare yourself to 2 months ago, but to a year ago or so. What a difference is that, right?! That is recovery. Just be patient, enjoy the sex and let your body heal from years of porn addiction. Things can only get better
  16. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    It is almost 120 days since I masturbated and watched porn for the last time. I feel I am much more in control of my urges. Porn is not a thought in my head anymore.
    I have so many new things to think about (new gf, new job, studying, working out) that I don't have time to think about porn anymore.

    However, it seems my erections are getting weaker the more sex I do and I almost have zero morning woods now. These things are really stressing me out. Because I like so much my new gf but I see that my body is losing all the excitement and energy that it had the first few times we had sex together.

    For example, today we spent some time together and we kissed for a while. At the beginning of our relationship, everytime I was kissing her, I could feel my dick waking up and all my body turning on. But today, I did not feel anything. My body had basically zero reaction. And this kind of weird sensation is already going on for few weeks now. Maybe it is just because I am too much in my head and I cannot relax but I see things getting worse from this point of view.

    I think next time we will sleep together again, I will take an ED pill. I am not proud of this choice at all and she doesn't deserve it because she is really a hot girl but I think this is the only thing that could help me right now, especially to release some stress and go out my head.
  17. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Today I tried to have sex with my gf but I lost the erection few minutes after we started. And I couldn't get hard anymore. I don't really understand what is happening to my body. I feel like things are getting worse, not better. I feel so much anger right now.
  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I don't have experience with ED, but what I do know from others is that the progress is not linear. I hope that you can find the patience and confidence to keep going. The ED is caused by porn and if you leave that factor out, the ED will disappear
    AbyssDive likes this.
  19. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Member

    Hi guys,

    It has been a while since I wrote my last post. I hope everyone is spending some positive days. Life has been going on with its ups and downs during this period.
    I still haven't fapped to porn since the end of October.

    My life has changed quite a bit: I got a new job, I bought a new motorcycle, and I started to look for an apartment to buy (I haven't found it yet though).
    Plus, I am still dating the girl I met at the gym.

    Everything seems to go towards the right direction, except I still face here and there some ED problems and my morning woods still remain rare and weak.

    Some days I can immediately feel the spark down there when I start getting intimate with my gf. But still, other times my dick feels completely lifeless. I hate not being in control of my body. These episodes hurt my self-esteem when they happen and I cannot stop thinking about the ED problems when I am in the moment.

    But overall I am doing good.

    Cheers. Have a good evening.
  20. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Have you considered the possibility that the ED is now due to performance anxiety? Is it not helped by cialis or viagra?
    StarWarsFan likes this.

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